Gigi's Blog

I've always slept this way

visioncgbc | April 28, 2009 13:20

I’ve told you before I have TMJ. You know, that thing where your jaw pops all the time, and your mouth hurts. It can be triggered by most activities I participate in on a regular basis-caffeine, stress, sleeping with your face buried in a pillow. I used to chew gum and eat ice, but now I know better. Last week it was really bad. It was Chloe’s birthday. You know me…………….party overboard. Decorations that take the time of a 500 guest- list weeding. Food fit for the culinary tastes of any high end event like this. Goodie bags and prizes so each child would hopefully remember this party as a favorite of the 100 million they will attend in their life. I know, I’m kinda dumb. By Saturday post party, every bone in my body hurt. My feet throbbed. Sunday after Sunday school, Mark and I spent the entire day together. It was our 12^th anniversary. But before we left I told him I had a dreadful headache, and had for several days. I’m not sure why we describe certain headaches as being in our backs and necks, because my neck isn’t my head, but that IS how I described it. I did feel better after some migraine headache stuff. I started putting two and two together because my jaw and mouth really hurt too. I figured out it was most likely me grinding and clinching my jaw unconsciously over the days that had led up to Chloe’s party. You know I really don’t know why in the world I allow myself to do this. Get so worked up about everything. New American Standard Bible (©1995)Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. << Philippians 4:6 >> It’s not just “wow, I shouldn’t do this.” The Bible says “don’t do this.” So, I started really massaging and opening my jaw yesterday, looking like a totally goof. I realized my jaw is really out of line. So, I go to the best medical advice that I can find-the internet. I read some stuff and last night I determined that I will no longer sleep in the same position I’ve slept in for the past 37 years. I’m not going to sleep on my right side on the edge of the bed, with my head buried in a pillow, with the covers pulled over my head ‘cause that (supposedly) may have had something to do with all of this. I lay in the bed on my left side-uncomfortable but determined. After a few minutes Chloe walks in our room and stares at Mark and says nothing, which means she’s sleepwalking. I take her back to her room and make a bathroom trip and head back to bed, turned on my left side. Lay there, uncomfortable. My left arm hurt. My pillow doesn’t feel right. Afraid if Mark turns over he might elbow me. Finally…………….I’d had it. Maybe tomorrow night I can do this, not tonight. I turn to the right side of my bed, fall quickly asleep, and wake up with a tight jaw and headache.

I had to go to the Dr. yesterday for some blood work. While there I asked him “What can I do to relieve tension?” “Well, eat 3 times a day; get plenty of sleep and exercise.” “Oh, never mind then. What else ya got?”

“I just don’t know what to do.” You ever say that. Boy I do. And I often have people who say that to me, and even ask me what they should do.

See, I can find answers to my problems if I look. I can find answers to my spiritual questions and problems if I look. Bible in Basic English
And you will be searching for me and I will be there, when you have gone after me with all your heart. << Jeremiah 29:13 >> The first step is finding an answering-looking for one. Looking through the means you have. I can’t seem to recall one time that a physician called my home and said “excuse me; I just had a feeling you might be sick. Let me give you some medical advice.” I had to call him, or make an appt. God says that when we look for Him we’ll find him. He’s not playing hide and seek and trying to win against us. We often times allow our stress to turn into spiritual lethargy. Been there?? Ya, me too. Just existing. Just waiting for our “check in the mail” or “clean bill of health” without as much as getting up, or opening our Bible, or falling on our face before God. God could do it that way, but thank goodness He doesn’t. If He did, we would continue in our childish thinking.

“I just can’t stop. I can’t change. I’ve been doing it this way too long.” How ‘bout that one?? Ya me too. For me to do the things I know I need to do, to be at my best, will require painful change. Change that will cause headaches, require discipline, determination and a complete understanding that I must totally depend on God. I will most likely be misunderstood by some people. I will be called weak because I haven’t already changed. I will be called a conformist because I am changing. I will probably fail more than I succeed for a while. Earthly odds stacked against me.

But, it is not impossible. Most people don’t like change. They become angry when change is on the horizon. I mean I have and sometimes I do. But I am praying for God to change me. I want change. Did Jesus change anything?? He changed everything. He changed the way things had been done. I believe that is an earthly pattern for our lives. He constantly faced opposition, and struggle. But unlike us, he continued in joy and hope and determination and love. Godly confidence. It’s not only ok to have that kind of confidence, I think it’s necessary.

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus << Philippians 1:6 >> The same old same old we’ve always done it this way attitude isn’t working. God won’t allow it do work, because He never intending our growing to stop until we meet Him face to face.

I know this seems so overwhelming and impossible. It is. Alone that is. But you’re not alone and I’m not either. God wants us to realize the impossibility of true life outside of Him. Do we?? We will be called rebels and who know what else. But remember………Jesus was too.

Oh how may "hang-ups" do I have?? To infinity and beyond (as Buzz Lighyear would say). So, I ache with a true understanding of all this. I have a real hard time when people act like they really understand, when the really don't. But Jesus understans better than I do. He didn't have hang-ups. But he took on earthly flesh so he could understand why we fall prey and give in. He took on sin at the cross and so he understands that guilt and shame that Satan throws at us. He hung on the cross to experience the feeling of complete aloneness when He said "Father, why have you forsaken me?" He understood unanswered prayer when he said "If it's possible, let this pass." None of this was coincidence. It was so that he would understand and because he is our lawyer up in heaven against the accuser of the brethern himself. Isn't the best way to learn by doing? It is for me. It was for Jesus. He experienced every feeling that you have every felt or will ever feel. Every hurt. Every hope. Every prayer. Every need. Every pain. We are not alone.

Dear Famous One,

We call out to you today. We bow before you and ask that with your gentle kind hands you will change us and continue the work you have started. We know that every word you have spoken is for us. We pray that we will be strengthened or softened or formed or broken or whatever you know is best as you do your work in us.

We praise You. We love You. We trust You.

Amen