Gigi's Blog

This was Chloe’s response as we tried for the second day at her attempt to learn to bike ride.  I take a huge amount of responsibility for the fact the she hasn’t been able to ride a bike.  One of the problems is my extreme level of anxiety that I’ve always had about really everything.  Anytime my kids get hurt I have a nervous breakdown.  So my answer has always been just don’t put yourself in that position and then it won’t happen.  The problem with that is I’m sheltering them from the hurt that’s a necessary part of learning.  I can see this now as our older children enter into adulthood; that protecting them from everything leaves them unable to handle much of anything.  I want to cling to the truths that what I’ve tried to do that is right and godly will overrule the rest. 

We started trying to teach her on Monday night and it went very badly.  So, last night Mark had to go cut grass for someone and I decided maybe we’d try again.  Just me and her-goodness what a team (and I am kidding).  I am not an outsider.  I’m afraid of my kids getting hurt.  Chloe is horrified of getting hurt, as well as embarrassed by the fact she is well beyond the age that we should have taught her to ride a bike.  So, I ask her, “Would you like to try again to ride your bike?”  She tears up.  I know she’s scared out of her mind.  You see Chloe is very smart and reverse psychology doesn’t work with her, and she is a realist and very practical.  So sometimes when she hits me with solid facts- I don’t have a good comeback for her.  We headed upstairs and started getting ready and she continues to fight back tears.  We get to the bottom of the stairs and pray. She buries her head in my side as I ask God to help us both.  We get outside and she says “I am absolutely sure that I’m going to fall.”  I try to encourage her.  We try for a bit with me holding onto the back of the seat, and she wobbled.  Finally I said “Chloe, I think the problem is me holding onto you.  You know what to do if you fall.  Why don’t you try it on your own?”  So I did what seemed wrong.  I let her go.  I gave her the chance to fall.  I saw her horrified look as I challenged her this way.  She put her feet up on the peddles and the entire time said she was scared.  The first time she couldn’t do it, and in fact several times she couldn’t do it.  Each time I prayed “God help her.” And then…………………. SHE DID IT!   If you could have seen the look on her face, on my face, when we realized that she had done it. We both screamed.  Her whole persona changed.  We practiced over and over just going up and down the driveway.  I told her we’d practice turning maybe today, and that I believe within no time, she’ll be a pro.  She was elated and couldn’t wait for Mark to get home.  To see my child go from complete fear and doubt into hope and belief is something I’ll never forget. 

You know I’ve wanted this for her for so long.  I have felt so, so, so guilty for my part in Chloe’s problems as far as learning to do things like this, that my temptation was and is to say “Chloe just do it!!  Grow up!!  Stop being scared of everything!!” so that the focus would be on her and not on my shortcomings as her momma.  But the fact is we are where we are and I’ve made the mistakes I’ve made, and we must live in today.  I can’t change the past, and to live in tomorrow is a huge mistake.  So the reality is that all I can do is be patient and wait as she decides “OK.  Today I will learn to ride a bike.  I will sing on stage.  I will learn to swim.  I will……………………………”

Do you find yourself in this same place today; a person, a loved one, a friend who you so much want to be what you believe they should be?  Do the things that you know are right for them?  I do.  It’s so hard.  I believe the reality is that God through the Holy Spirit and death of His son are solely responsible for every good thing and positive and right change that happens in an individual.  God promises that when we search for Him, we find Him.  When we want to know His will for our lives, He says He’ll show us.  Often He does work through us to inspire change in a person, but not in the ways that I often think.  It’s not in spiritual arrogance, it’s not in a bossy attitude, and it’s not in a threatening way.  It’s in a quiet, humble life devoted to love God supremely. Just like Chloe’s bike riding, sometimes we must let go and decide to love them no matter what happens and trust God to do the rest.  You see we say to them “You must have trust in God, don’t you have faith in the almighty God?!”  But when they see us give up on them, and act ungodly, what does that say about our faith?” 

My instinct with Chloe and her bike was to say “Chloe, people are gonna make fun of you.  You should be further along than this.  You need to do this.”  I predict that if I would have done that, that bike wouldn’t have been used last night.  The things that come natural aren’t always that right things.  What I think will motivate change usually doesn’t.  Patience comes at a price, but I believe it’s worth it in the end.  The price-people’s opinion of you, giving up your own interest to put others first, hurt that is sometimes extreme.  When I’m tempted to say “It’s just too much.  I can’t do it.” I’m reminded that God paid that very price for Gina while she was worse than any person she ever hopes to influence to change. 

1 Corinthians 4

 5So don't get ahead of the Master and jump to conclusions with your judgments before all the evidence is in. When he comes, he will bring out in the open and place in evidence all kinds of things we never even dreamed of—inner motives and purposes and prayers. Only then will any one of us get to hear the "Well done!" of God.

 6All I'm doing right now, friends, is showing how these things pertain to Apollos and me so that you will learn restraint and not rush into making judgments without knowing all the facts. It's important to look at things from God's point of view. I would rather not see you inflating or deflating reputations based on mere hearsay.

 7-8For who do you know that really knows you, knows your heart? And even if they did, is there anything they would discover in you that you could take credit for? Isn't everything you have and everything you are sheer gifts from God? So what's the point of all this comparing and competing? You already have all you need. You already have more access to God than you can handle. Without bringing either Apollos or me into it, you're sitting on top of the world—at least God's world—and we're right there, sitting alongside you!

 9-13It seems to me that God has put us who bear his Message on stage in a theater in which no one wants to buy a ticket. We're something everyone stands around and stares at, like an accident in the street. We're the Messiah's misfits. You might be sure of yourselves, but we live in the midst of frailties and uncertainties. You might be well-thought-of by others, but we're mostly kicked around. Much of the time we don't have enough to eat, we wear patched and threadbare clothes, we get doors slammed in our faces, and we pick up odd jobs anywhere we can to eke out a living. When they call us names, we say, "God bless you." When they spread rumors about us, we put in a good word for them. We're treated like garbage, potato peelings from the culture's kitchen. And it's not getting any better.

 14-16I'm not writing all this as a neighborhood scold just to make you feel rotten. I'm writing as a father to you, my children. I love you and want you to grow up well, not spoiled. There are a lot of people around who can't wait to tell you what you've done wrong, but there aren't many fathers willing to take the time and effort to help you grow up. It was as Jesus helped me proclaim God's Message to you that I became your father. I'm not, you know, asking you to do anything I'm not already doing myself.

 17This is why I sent Timothy to you earlier. He is also my dear son, and true to the Master. He will refresh your memory on the instructions I regularly give all the churches on the way of Christ.

 18-20I know there are some among you who are so full of themselves they never listen to anyone, let alone me. They don't think I'll ever show up in person. But I'll be there sooner than you think, God willing, and then we'll see if they're full of anything but hot air. God's Way is not a matter of mere talk; it's an empowered life.

 21So how should I prepare to come to you? As a severe disciplinarian who makes you toe the mark? Or as a good friend and counselor who wants to share heart-to-heart with you? You decide.

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