Gigi's Blog

I mean let's just go ahead and discuss the pink elephant sitting on my head.  Can you laugh and be spiritual at the same time?  I think so. 

If you were in the service yesterday morning you already know what I'm talking about.  I hadn't been in the choir in about 4 months.  (hard to believe it's been that long)  I felt God leading me out, and so I quit.  I'm praying if it's time for me to rejoin.  But Joel e-mailed me and told me the choir was singing "In the Sanctuary" and I was welcome to sing if I wanted to.  So, I did.  It felt good to be up there.  Maybe a little too good. 'Cause I was really "into" the worship, and I close my eyes usually or at least often if I know the song we're singing.  I just feel strange sometimes when I'm singing to God and yet looking at people.  We started to sing "Majesty, worship His majesty" and I was trying to.  So, I closed my eyes.  I promise you, I momentarily thought "What if he dismisses during this song?"  But then I thought "No. Not this song."  So, I closed my eyes.  At some point I felt a slight nudge.  I opened my closed eyes.  Guess what???  Everyone-gone, but me and sweet Nancy A. who thank goodness didn't leave me up there alone. It was funny-it was.  When I sat down Mark said "I didn't know if you were gonna stay up there alone or what."  Holly and Megan B. were laughing about it, as well, as I'm sure everybody else who's eyes were open during the song.  Last night Roger told me "Ya, when I saw Megan and Holly laughing I said "Gina must be into the song." 

Someone got up during the service yesterday and proclaimed the truth that she felt in her heart and felt she had to share.  I so love this woman.  She said "Some of you think I'm crazy-and I don't care."  She poured out willingly what God had poured into her. 

I John 4:18   18There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.  

This is one of my favorite scriptures in the Bible, and I'm amazed that God would be so kind of as to reveal something new to me, even last week as I've read it so many times before.  It just proves to me that His Word is so refreshing to me.

It's that last part of the verse "The one who fears is not made perfect in love"  that spoke to me in such a personal way.  I've said to God, "I need you to change him, or her, or this situation before I can continue."  I've said "If I get criticized, then I'm outta here."  If things didn't change, then I became afraid and began to listen to people instead of God and stopped dead in my tracks.  But my new understanding with this verse was that if I'm not doing God's will because of fear, it's not those people's fault, it's my fault.  If I fear, than I'm not allowing the love of God, which is perfect, to have control in my life. And I haven't.  I haven't in a long time.  The more I felt critiicized the more paranoid I'd become, until I felt the size of an ant, and any person who had a differing opinion than mine appeared the size of a giant. 

So, as I'm reevaulating my attitude of fear, that I had masked as other things, I'm also deciding and determining to do what that precious lady declared as her goal in life "Let God be God."  I've made it more complicated than it is. 

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