Gigi's Blog

Walls

visioncgbc | December 06, 2007 05:31

We built our house about five years ago. (I think) A person would think that a newly built house would be problem free for years, or at least I would (have), but now I know better. Within the first two years we had to replace the microwave, discovered that some necessary part of the toilet had been left off, some of the drywall going up the stairs cracked, the gas logs stopped working and needed repair, and now we have dark spots in the kitchen from the toilet leaking upstairs. We've used professional help, but only when we HAD to. Anything Mark can do, or get his Dad to help with, we've done ourselves, well, they've done rather.

I realized this morning that this is sort of what happens when we build up walls of protection around our heart. We are trying to do building that we are not meant, nor equipped to do. I've been hurt in life and feel I just can't put myself out there only to let it happen again. So my layers of protective construction begin. But I realized that when I do this, it doesn't work, EVER. I can't be who God wants me to be, because I'm always playing it "safe". I become detached, and useless for the Kingdom. I become paranoid, but with good reason, because if God's not my protector, I should be paranoid. I see now that it's not that God doesn't want to cover me and be there for me, it's that often times I won't let Him. I refuse to be vulnerable. But I think my refusal is actually towards trusting Him. I want to come before Him with a soft, pure, clean righteous heart and say "Here I am. What would have me do for You." But so often my heart has become cold and rigid and hard becuase I've built layers of protection with whatever building products I have available, and wonder "God, why aren't you doing things for me." Building layers of unforgiveness, defensiveness, accusations, really anything I can wrap my mind around, because when we self-protect, these are the kinds of things that we have to use. I think that sometimes God allows hurt, and heartache, but never without reason. But when we refuse to be a part of His plan, we miss out on whatever valuble lesson, or future blessing He wants for us. I don't want to do that anymore.

I don't know, maybe it's just me.

I read this story in the Bible today, and it spoke to my heart.

Luke 16

The Story of the Crooked Manager

1-2Jesus said to his disciples, "There was once a rich man who had a manager. He got reports that the manager had been taking advantage of his position by running up huge personal expenses. So he called him in and said, 'What's this I hear about you? You're fired. And I want a complete audit of your books.'

3-4"The manager said to himself, 'What am I going to do? I've lost my job as manager. I'm not strong enough for a laboring job, and I'm too proud to beg. . . . Ah, I've got a plan. Here's what I'll do . . . then when I'm turned out into the street, people will take me into their houses.'

5"Then he went at it. One after another, he called in the people who were in debt to his master. He said to the first, 'How much do you owe my master?'

6"He replied, 'A hundred jugs of olive oil.'

"The manager said, 'Here, take your bill, sit down here—quick now— write fifty.'

7"To the next he said, 'And you, what do you owe?'

"He answered, 'A hundred sacks of wheat.'

"He said, 'Take your bill, write in eighty.'

8-9"Now here's a surprise: The master praised the crooked manager! And why? Because he knew how to look after himself. Streetwise people are smarter in this regard than law-abiding citizens. They are on constant alert, looking for angles, surviving by their wits. I want you to be smart in the same way—but for what is right—using every adversity to stimulate you to creative survival, to concentrate your attention on the bare essentials, so you'll live, really live, and not complacently just get by on good behavior

I absolutely love the part I highlighted. Using every adversity to stimulate you to creative survival-WOW!