Gigi's Blog

What's my problem?  Why could I sleep probably 16 hours a day?  Why do I spend most days sort of at 1/2 functioning mental capacity?  Am I lazy?  Is it my health?  Is it the devil?  Is it me?  Well, it has become harder and harder to even get up out of the bed to start my day.  That throws everything off.  I think Mark knew this morning, before he left that things weren't gonna go good unless I got up and began to function.  I didn't.  I started to wake Chloe up at 6:50.  Which would have been ok.  But she asked to sleep 5 more minutes. Not 20.  Just 5.  I went back in my room and put my make-up on.  Well, if you've seen me without make-up you'd know it takes much longer than 5 minutes to put my "face" on (as my mamaw used to say).  I went in Chloe's room and woke her up.  She had a smile that lasted about a milisecond, but turned quickly into a frown when she realized I had allowed her to oversleep.  She went into panic mode and I went into defense mode, which seems backward of how a mother and daughter should be.  She carried on and pitched a fit and I tried to help her get ready.  The thing about it is she honestly had enough time to get ready.  If she would have gotten up, put her clothes on and fixed her hair, she would have had plenty of time. But she froze as she'd already accepted she wasn't gonna make it.  We yelled and then she went downstairs to eat cereal.  She spilled it all over her clothes causing her to have to put on another outfit.  Good grief!  How I did feel like Charlie Brown!    Chloe changed and we got ready to leave.  I commented she needed to put a coat on.  "Momma, I have a coat on.  Don't you see this hoodie?"  Whatever.  My other dramatic (just like me) daughter spent Wed. night at church balling her eyes out.  I knew because there was no one in Vision, so I sat in on Focus. (Thanks Focus)  Meagan had been crying during the alter call.  I wasn't watching her, it's just that when she came up to talk to me after church, she had red eyes and red circles around her red eyes and water was coming out of her eyes.  Someone came up and joked with her that this year's upcoming Focus Christmas parade would be her last and she lost it.  I don't mean fake crying, I mean lost it.  She then proceeded to say that she didn't want to go college, and became inconsolable. Thank goodness she didn't have an asthma attack, because her asthma's been giving her problems, and I think she's lost her inhaler again.  So the house is a wreck, I mean worse than normal, and Mark will go home to the tornado and probably sigh and then straighten up.  He get's off at 2:30. 

I tell you what, I saw myself in Chloe so much today.  Worrying that I can't accomplish what I need to accomplish.  My antedote: SAA  Is it working for me?  Uh no.  Why do we do this?  What's the problem here?  I think I know at least part of it: Proverbs 29:25 The fear of human opinion disables;
   trusting in God protects you from that.  Holly and I were having a conversation about circumstances in our lives and she said "You know what Gina, can you imagine how our lives would be if we would let go of guilt?"  She's not talking about conviction of the Holy Spirit, she's talking about guilt that comes from places other than the Holy Sprit.  Guilt that comes from the past, from opinions, from just loads of what people tell me are necessary elements for me to be an acceptable human being. Matthew 11:28-30"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Oh yes Jesus.  Yes.  I'm coming.

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