Gigi's Blog

Well, I called my Dr. this morning.  My fatigue, tiredness, hair falling out and cold intolerance has been back at it, and I don't know if it ever changed.  I suspect that my thyroid medication should be increased.  So, I called the Dr and gave 'em my sob story, hoping they'll increase my dosage without a trip in.  I know, I'm not a Dr. but, I'll admit I have done my share of diagnosis.  I can't tell you how many times, especially with my kids, I've said "Oh.  They don't know what they're talking about.  They do need an antibiotic." But I didn't go to medical school.  Heck, I didn't even go to college. 

You know what else some people do.  They try to act like they know Christ, when they only know about him.  I am going to teach on this Sunday night in Vision.  People try to ride coattails to be something they're not-a Christ follower.  

Acts 19:13Some Jews who went around driving out evil spirits tried to invoke the name of the Lord Jesus over those who were demon-possessed. They would say, "In the name of Jesus, whom Paul preaches, I command you to come out." 14Seven sons of Sceva, a Jewish chief priest, were doing this. 15(One day) the evil spirit answered them, "Jesus I know, and I know about Paul, but who are you?"

I mean what these sons were doing was right, and a good thing, but it was like saying "a friend of a friend of ours said we could do this."  No.  Jesus wants to be our #1 friend.  I mean just like the antibiotics so many times that I just knew (based on the authority of me) that my kids needed, even good things done in the wrong way are bad.  

Acts 19:16Then the man who had the evil spirit jumped on them and overpowered them all. He gave them such a beating that they ran out of the house naked and bleeding.

Do you know Jesus personally today?  I'm not just talking about salvation.  Do you come to church and try to feed all your spiritual needs off of your preacher and your Christian friends?  Do you watch Christian TV and expect that to complete you without spending anytime in private conversation with Christ?  When he went to the cross, he could see you.  He was thinking of you.  When you look for Him, you'll find Him, if you'll go to Him. 

 

 

This morning I went to wake Chloe up.  She sat up in the bed, rubbed her eyes and said "I wish we only went to school on the weekends."  I said "Well, if we're talking wishes, I wish so SO much that we could afford to have our house cleaned weekly.  Quick-thinking-Chloe says "I don't want anybody messing with my stuff.  I know where my stuff is."  I said "You mean the trash and junk?"  "Yes."  "Well, I tell you what, if we can ever afford to have our house cleaned, I'll tell them to leave your room alone.  Deal?"  "Deal."  This child is a trip. 

I do wish I had a person that I could pay to clean my house.  I know what you think about me, but that's ok.  No, really, it's ok.  I was talking to someone the other day and he asked me what my goals were in life.  I told him I would rather have my house maintained than have success in songwriting.  'Cause that looms over me-always.  I need more than a Saturday.  I need about a month to get things cleaned and in order and then 2 days a week.  I let this control me.  Overwhelm me.  To a point of tremendous stress.

Well, it's just like the Lord to allow me to stumble across something I need to hear.

At the Home of Martha and Mary

 Luke 10:38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. 40But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"

 41"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, 42but only one thing is needed.^[f] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

In the devotion book it has some questions listed.  My answer to one of them made me wonder if my real name is Martha Pasour.

If Jesus were to come to visit you toay, would you busy yourself with preparations, as Martha did, or sit at his feet like Mary? 

The answer for this day is that I would've done exactly what Martha did.  I would've wanted things perfect and would've been upset with anyone who felt otherwise.  

The thing that makes me so mad at me, is I know how this is effecting my everything.  God help me, please!  Whatever.  Show me.  Help me. 

---

As we were driving to school, I'm ill at myself, so my subtle trick is acting ill at someone else.  So Chloe and the little boy who rides to school with us start slapping each other in a very joking way.  I turn around and give the evil eye.   I said "stop that right now."  Chloe said "Aw c'mon.  We're 3rd graders, can't we have 3rd grade fun?"  HM, that's what I need.  Some 3rd grade fun.

I tell you , this past Saturday ranked right up there with about the top Saturdays I've ever had.  Mark and I were married on a Saturday, and Chloe was born on a Saturday.  So, what was so great?  Well, Friday night Meagan wanted to know if Austin could come over for a bit.  In my mind I thought, "How in the world am I gonna stay up past 9:30?  I don't stay up on Friday night?"  But, he came over and we had a very fun time playing Wii.  He left about 12:00.  It was gonna rain Saturday, so Mark couldn't cut the church grass, so he'd be home.  Well, I heard some type of noise Saturday and stirred around a bit.  I figured it was around 10:00.  I sat up, put my glasses on and looked at the clock.  It was 12:15!!!  I had slept until 12:15 in the afternoon!!  Meagan says that she might want to go and look for her prom shoes.  I told Mark and told him I was also gonna clean the downstairs.  HE CLEANED THE ENTIRE DOWNSTAIRS FOR ME!  Aren't you jelous?  My house in disarray is one of the biggest issues for me in life.  I worry.  I pout.  I go home and night and spend the three hours before I go to bed thinking "Oh, how I wish my house was clean and organized", never realizing that part of the process would be me getting up and cleaning and organizing my house.  Brilliant, right?  But on Saturday, my downstairs was cleaned.  AAAHHHHH.   

Sunday church was very good.  P&W-amazing, for me at least.  We sat at the front, and it was so good, and so less distracting.  I'm not saying we'll always do that, I'm just saying it was good yesterday.  The Treasure Principle has been wonderful for me, and I hope it will change our church and their level of trust in God. To trust Him to give our minimum and beyond our minimum.  I believe this is the final frontier for many people, and once they give God this last little bit of themselves-WATCH OUT!  Their lives would change in a radical way in their relationship with Christ, others, and in their freedom to serve.  Last night "Tootie" visited Vision again, and it was so good to see her and talk a bit.

On the way home, preaching was on the radio and a scripture was on that I've questioned in my own mind.  Matthew 8:21 Another disciple said to him, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." 22But Jesus told him, "Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead." I've often thought "Lord, you didn't want this man to go to the funeral of his father?"  But, as I was listening to this last night on the radio it struck me what I think he might have been saying.  "Commit to me first.  Above anything else."  What do you think society would say if we really, I mean really put God first in our life?  They'd say we were rude, neglectful, and things that were probably far from the truth.  I'm not sure that if this man would've said "Yes!" to whatever Jesus wanted that Jesus wouldn't have permitted him to bury his father.  I'm not sure, I'm just wondering.  You see we as Christians tell the unsaved, "Don't clean up your act before you come to Christ, it doesn't work like that, come as you are."  All the while we say "Lord, as soon as I get things in order, I'll follow you more.  I'll do what you want." God, as soon as my house is clean, I'll follow you.  God, when my kids are grown, I'll follow you.  God, when my finances are in order, I'll follow you. God, when.............. Satan is in the background making sure we never get things in order. Just like the unsaved, Christians also must follow the will of God in the place we find ourselves, wherever that is.  Who knows, if we will do that first, now, maybe we will be found faithful and worthy of the help that we stand waiting for.

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I have to tell you about mine and Chloe's car time this morning.  She says "Mommy, how did people know that Jesus was on the earth?"  Gulp.  I could tell this might be gonna go deep.  Before I respond, she says "The Bible, right?"  I told her yes, and explained faith to her and was able to explain that faith was believing what we don't see.  I told her some miracles in my own life through faith.  I also told her that Jesus was the only way to salvation.  I told her some people say they believe in God, but believe that there are many ways to Him, and told her that isn't true.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JW4LLwkgmqA She asked me how Jesus lifted into the clouds when he didn't actually die.  I told her that had also happened to the prophet Elijah.  So, I limped through the discussion, but was very thankful to hear she'd given thought to things  beyond  the average.  Toward the end of the drive I told her  that if the rapture takes place before she dies, she will also rise without experiencing earthly death.  I said "Jesus is in heaven preparing a place for us."  She said "It's like dropping your kids off in Mexico, and then going back to pick 'em up."  I'm not sure when I've laughed harder.

   

                                                                                                                       

 

 

I had a very detail oriented blog tellling you more information than you even wanted to know about my trip.  It got lost, again. Oh well. This happens on this blog regularly, and when the little sign comes up and you realize you've lost your blog-it makes ya sick.  So, I'm claiming Romans 8:28, and just assuming that for whatever reasons the details of my trip shouldn't be shared here.  But if anybody wants to hear any details, just find me and I'll be glad to share.  I will say the trip was incredible, and I learned alot. 

Last night Matt and Erin Blair spoke in Focus and invited Vision to join in, and I'm so glad.  Matt spoke on the Barbarian Way, which is an amazing book on being a radical Christ follower, willing to go against the grain of what's considered the norm in Christianity.  I was encouraged as he talked about he and Erin living this sold-out-for-Jesus lifestyle.  He said that they're closer than they've ever been, and trusting God to meet their every provision as he has decided to not go after the normal Christian industry standard of record labels and publishing deals.  He was willing to talk with me for a bit and I almost felt guilty for taking up his time, but it make me excited in every when he wanted me to listen to a few songs he'd written and tell him what I thought.  It's very inspiring to be around people like them, or at least it is for me.  I was going to go to choir but by the time I was through talking with Matt it was almost 9:00!!  Sorry Joel. 

Now the problem.  How do I take his message and allow it to encourage me to do the radical things God's called me to?  I want to.  But, lately I've felt so knocked down that I just assume I'll fail again.  Do you feel like sometimes people don't get "it"?  It being life, it being God's call, it being your passion.  I'm reading Job and it is so comforting to me.  Talk about somebody misunderstood by everybody.  We think it's so foreign to be rejected by people, but not according to this story.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Job%209-10;&version=31;

So my prayer for us both today is that we truly will live by the following:Acts 5:29 Peter and the other apostles replied: "We must obey God rather than men! You can trust God today.  Does trusting God mean that we'll never face earthly rejection?  No.  But it doesn mean we can make it through that knowing we are not rejected by the One that matters most.  

 

I'm here!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm at NSAI with my bud Wendy.  She's showing me all the awesome songwriting "stuff" here and it's so exciting. I'll try to write back when and if I can to let you know what's up with my  trip. 

Talk to ya soon I hope!      

I'm 2 days away from the trip and very excited.  The trip meaning "Music City USA".  I wrote and demo'd a song that may be used for the next Beauty Within Seminar.  It's called "Dying to Be Beautiful."  The first verse is about Holly.  That's right the brains behind The annual Beauty Within Seminar.  Good grief, can you believe this will be the 6th?  If you don't know about Beauty Within, it's a seminar for youth aged girls to motivate them to cultivate their inner beauty as well as encourage them what beauty looks like in the eyes of God.  It's a wonderful day for all involved.  The sad part is the fact that Holly as well as myself, and maybe others involved struggle with the very thing we're trying to help others be free from!  Self image.   So when I wrote this song, I had to write the first verse about Holly.  (But don't tell her ok.  She never reads my blogs)  So this is the song that I plan to have critiqued at Saturday's conference. 

Well, wouldn't you know it?  This song is now going through the refining pot to test and see if it's real.  Three of the most gynormous zits on this planet, actually they are their own planets have appeared on my face!!!! UUGGHH!! Are you kidding me!!??  So, I want to crawl in the biggest hole ever, but can't, 'cause I gotta pack for Nashville.  I went to try and get some different gels and such to smear on my face. Didn't the Lord know when I wrote this song, it was for them not me?  Ha! What happens if these don't go away?  Am I still a songwriter?  A Vision teacher?  Am I still an acceptable person?  I don't feel like I am, but I am.  I feel like Job, I swear I do.  I'm just waiting for the dogs (my only friends) to come and lick my wounds, and I'll scrape my zit with a piece of broken pottery. 

But you know what?  This just gives me more of a heart for exactly what this song is about.  I Samuel 16   7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

I'm hoping that the link I'm posting will work.  If you can click on it, then play the first song on the player that comes up. 

 

http://www.shoutlife.com/profile_view.cfm?uid=78583

This weekend was a good weekend, but I'll admit I spent most of it feeling exhausted.  Friday I took Chloe to school and planned to clean the downstairs, and then take her to the mall to get a purse, look for an outfit, and take advantage of 2 gift certificates I'd been given.  One for a manicure, the other an AutoBell carwash.  The downstairs cleaning happened, and I did take her to the mall for the purse, but that was all I could do. We stopped by to get eggs to dye, but I was too tired for anything else and we came home. We dyed eggs and I'm telling you the Lord helped me 'cause I thought I was gonna fall over from being tired.   Saturday we went to the Easter egg hunt at Robert's retreat and then were going to go and eat with my family, but I got a call from Meagan who was at the Mall and had found a prom dress.  So Chloe went with my mom, I skipped lunch and met Meagan.  She got the dress, and I decided I'd try to do what I'd planned from the day before.  I looked and looked and looked.  I wanted this and that but couldn't only afford a little of this, so I went with it.  No energy to do anything else.  No manicure, no car cleaning. I went home and slept until 6:00 and then went to Rite-Aid.  I bought a B vitamin while there, 'cause I thought "I'm gonna try some vitamins, if I gain weight I gain weight, but it'd be better than this feeling."  I took my vitamin combo, and got things as ready as I could for Eater morning.  I got up at 5:30 Sunday and we got ready.  As we were leaving I asked Chloe if the Easter bunny'd brought her anything.  She shrugged her shoulders and to be honest I felt like I didn't even care if she looked or not.

Mark said that we might oughta skip the sunrise service since we only had 10 minutes to get there, but I said "No."  On the drive the moon was bright and you really felt you could imagine that first Easter morning.  When we arrived everyone had already gathered, but we went on down.  I had ran out of the door and didn't have time to get a sweater.  I also didn't have on stockings.  If you know me you know I'm one of the most cold natured people you will ever meet.  So I thought "This could be difficult."  We gathered in the group, and it literally felt like a blanket of warmth wrapped around me, it was truly miraculous.  We then went into the service and it was a wonderful morning of rejoicing that our Jesus is indeed risen! I felt better during those 2 1/2 hr. than I had the entire weekend. We left and went to my Aunt Pat's for a bit and then went home.  I told Mark I was gonna sleep until 6:00, and if I would have, that would've been ok with me, but I didn't.  I got in the bed at 8:30 and watched The Mystery of Jesus.  I'm thinking "What is wrong with me?  Am I stressed?  Am I sad?  Am I hopeless?  What is it?  Am I depressed?"  I can promise you that if I went to any Dr. and told them my feelings, they'd suggest I take "something."  I'm not criticizing any person who takes anything-well I mean that's legal.   

But I have found a certain amount of comfort in one thing, on the commercials for feeling down they say "Do you lack enjoyment in things that once brought you pleasure?"  I'm glad to say-"Yes."  Because to a certain extent I can see a tiny bit clearer some of what life is about.  The Cross-not bunnies, Baby Jesus-not Ho-Ho-Ho.  That's why when Chloe wasn't that "into" checking out what the "Easter Bunny" had brought, I was ok with it.  The quicker we left, the quicker we'd be where the real story was.  God has allowed me to go through these seasons to change me, or at least He's doing His part.  I usually kick and scream and resist for a good while.  The closer I move to Him, and away from the world, it all becomes clearer.

Acts 7:56 "Look, he said, "I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God."

Last night if you were at church maybe you noticed that me and my mom and Mark were all sitting on the same row, but strangely distant from each other.  Mark is sick.  He'd decided that he wasn't going to go to church he was so sick.  I went in Chloe's room to start getting her ready for church and I could tell something was wrong with her.  I asked her and she wouldn't answer me until she finally said "I thought Daddy was gonna be there to see me for Bible drils."  Then the floodgate of Chloe drama came gushing out until Mark said "I'm going.  Chloe just stop crying.  I"m going."  So he did.  When my mother saw Mark out of the corner of her eye she said "Don't you come close to me Mark.  I mean it."  She literally scooted to the corner of the pew she was sitting on and moved all her stuff, and not only would she not sit close to Mark, she wouldn't even let me come close to her.  Then I started getting paranoid and thought "maybe I shouldn't be too close to Mark."  So I sat really far from my mother, and sort of far from Mark.  It looked funny. 

My mom has the "gift" of brutal honesty.  She always has.  You don't have to wonder her opinion or what she's thinking because she'll be the first to tell you.  Good.  Bad.  Ugly. 

My mom and I are opposites, and sometimes I wish I could just let my true felling out like her, but I don't.  I hold it in, and internalize, and stew, sometimes.  But my mom just "says it".  Gets her feeling out in the open. 

Sometimes I fret over being honest about my life concerning God.  If I feel confused or rejected or hurt,  I think I can't be honest.  Surely feelings other than marvelous should be pushed way down into a secret place to never be discussed.

Job 1:20 At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship 21 and said:
       "Naked I came from my mother's womb,
       and naked I will depart. ^[c]
       The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
       may the name of the LORD be praised."

 22 In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.

Job 2:10 He replied, "You are talking like a foolish ^[b] woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"
      In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.

Job was up in heaven unaware that God wasn't the giver of his problems, and he was honest about it.  "God's given and He's taken.  Blessed be his name." He was honest but didn't sin. 

 Psalm 10:1 Why, O LORD, do you stand far off?
       Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?

I mean as you can see, David wasn't mincing words here.  "God where are you??"  Do you remember what God said about David? Acts 13:22After removing Saul, he made David their king. He testified concerning him: 'I have found David son of Jesse a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.' Maybe God wanted this honesty.  Maybe we could be honest.  Maybe this burial of our true feelings isn't working.  I'm not sure who I'm trying to convince here-you or me?

I have watched alot of Discovery Health since my health issues over the past few months.  One of the things that is on alot are children and newborns who have major deformities.  All kinds of things from dwarfism, to conjoined twins, to large facial tumors on the face, to one child who lacked something that caused him to grow to gigantic size as a young child.  You'd never do something as stupid as saying something to bring attention to the fact these children have these  issues.  You know they know.  You know the parents know.  It makes my heart hurt, but God is a God of full knowledge and understanding and reason beyond what I comprehend. 

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Do you know anybody who has a spiritual deformity?  Psalms  14 He who is pregnant with evil and conceives trouble gives birth to disillusionment. NIV Translation

Many of us have this same attitude towards our brothers and sisters who are struggling with sin.  We feel like they already know they have this problem and we'd just make them feel worse if we say something.  Please hear me-I AM NOT talking about legalism here. I'm 100% against that.    I'm not talking about judging someome because I feel like I'm better than them or more spiritual than them.  I'm talking about saying something if God tells me to because I am their friend and I love them.  Galatians 6 1-3 Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.The Message Translation 

This goes against the grain for me in every way.  But if I love, shouldn't I/we?  This seems like such a tall order to fill, but would God have said to do it, and not meant it?  Of course not.  I believe when we let the Holy Spirit do the talking, we won't have to worry about what we say because we're not saying it, He is.  

I know what you're thinking "I'm going to start with Gina.  I'm going to call her and tell her she is addicted to coffee and she shouldn't be drinking three pots of coffee a day."    Oh now you want my phone number? It's                                  1-800-noneofyourbusiness.  I know I have problems.  I told myself just before I wrote this blog. 

I blogged yesterday and part of it was deleted, but I had such a headache I just gave up. 

I'll try to wrap up what I was gonna say in a few lines:

1. I demo'd a song Friday night-it went great

2. Church Sunday morning spoke to me in several ways. One, that even a cup of water, is counted to my credit in heaven, if God's telling me to do it.  If I can't build a homeless shelter right now, but I can do something smaller, God's noticing.  Secondly, when I've decided to do something, I need to follow through with it.  I began to remember that I need to prepare for God's goodness, so that I'm not shocked by it, and Satan can't use, or try to use it, against me.  Confused-watch "Facing the Giants."

As of today, I've been provided a plane ticket to go to a writing conference in TN. next week, and I'm crashing at a friend's house, unless something happens and Mark is able to go, then we'd crash at a hotel.  I'm really, REALLY, REALLY excited!  Can you hear me screaming?   You know when things work out to my benefit I always begin to doubt myself.  I thank God that in my Bible reading today I'm in Acts.  http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts%204&version=31  13When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus. This grabs me in a very persoal way.  I'm full of the thoughts, I believe whispered in my ear from the devil "You've messed up too much.  God does forgive you, but that's it.  He can't use you.  You're not smart enough, you're not young enough, you're not old enough.  You're just- not."  I wrote this in my Bible today after I read this "This is why God uses ordinary-to bring Him glory."  People take note when unschooled, ordinary, become supernaturally empowered.  It works because when that happens, God gets all the credit.  So, I'm gonna rest today in that.  Let's both rest in it.  The only one telling us not to,  just happens to be the very one who wants to destroy us both. 

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