Gigi's Blog

I read Matt Blair's blog this morning, and realize that there is nothing I have to say today that is more powerful than his words. 

100% (Huge Revelation)

Okay so here is the million dollar question for me.

"If God can do amazing things with someone who is giving God about 50-70% of themselves, what can He do if someone is giving 100%?"

Well it has only taken 28 almost 29 years of my life to get to this point, but now I am officially here. I have been that "GUY" who has given 50-70% my whole life. I have learned to say the right things, appear to act the right way, and even look a certain way. In spite of all that God has used me and allowed me to do amazing things for Him. The problem with that is he has used me in spite of me not giving him what He deserves, ALL OF ME!! I can't even get my hands around what it would look like to give God 100% of me. To actually give God my first and last thought. To give Him my future and my past. To give Him my wife and children. To give Him my financial stress and my financial BLESSINGS. To give Him my thoughts and my speech. To allow Him to guide my steps. To give Him every decision that I have to make, which leads me to tonight.

So tonight I had a friend share with me how he felt God telling him that we should not purchase the van we purchased but he didn't say anything. For those of you who don't know or haven't read all mine and my wife's blogs, we have battle a season of financial struggles and a crazy journey of faith. Well we are selling our house and moving back to Wilmington and we would be practically debt free outside of a car payment and student loans. Then I wrecked our Suburban and with our gap insurance we would have been out of a car payment. My friend told me about an older mini-van we could get for 3000 and not have a car payment but I was afraid of buying an older van with no warranty and gap insurance or in other words I wanted something newer and quote unquote nicer. So I went and bought a newer van and got us back into debt. I didn't even pray that hard about it. I allowed my eyes to blind me. I rationalized why I should get it and I only gave God about 25% in what is a huge decision.

My wife felt that is was no good but trusted my decision as the leader of our home and what do I do, make a bad choice. She kept talking about the van that our friends told us about. So tonight my friend and I are talking and he says, "Matt I knew it was a bad choice to get that van, and my wife and I were going to buy you that van next door had you asked. God told us to wait for you to ask." So now I see had I given God that 100% and given him my choices and steps, it would have worked out so much better. So tomorrow I am going to go back to the dealership and share my heart and ask the owner what he can do. He may say nothing, then again he may help. The main thing is I wouldn't even have to go had I allowed God to be in on the decision.

I say all of this to say, I got off the phone and apologized to my wife, then blew up at my wife over my frustration with dis-obedience and had my wife speak the truth that the reason I don't hear from God that much is I am tuned into to many other things, then I went for a walk. As I was walking I said out loud "alright God, I have obviously not been giving You Your proper respect and position and yet You have still blessed me and used me. What would it look like if I gave you all of me?"

So then I started to run, and I said "that is it God. I need to remove all the distractions that get in the way of me and You. I need to not spend as much time on the computer, or as much time watching TV, or playing my PSP. I need to spend more time in Your word, in prayer, with my children, with my wife, writing music, and serving God. Before I knew it I had run back to were we are staying and I wasn't that much out of breath. Part of that is from eating better and working out, the main reason is because I was so locked into God I didn't realize how fast I was running. I walked in sat down and started writing this.

So here is my challenge to all of us. Let's stop cheating God. We will give 100% at our job because we know there is a financial benefit and potential job growth. We will give 100% to a relationship because we hope we will get something in return; love, companionship, a soul mate, whatever. But when it comes to God we will give 50-70% and expect God to bless us and take care of us, and You know what is crazy He does. Now what could God do in us and through us if we gave Him 100%? I don't want to wonder anymore. I want to find out! I want to see with my own eyes what God will do with me when I give Him 100%. Here is why......

God has given me an amazing wife and daughters, I have given 50-70%
God has written amazing songs through me, I have given 50-70%
God has provided for my families every need, I have given 50-70%
God has used me to reach so many people for His glory, I have given 50-70%

I could keep going on and on but you get the point. So I hope something in my rambling has hit home for someone, if not it is good for me to declare that I have only been giving 50-70% to God and I want to give Him all 100%. So if you see me, don't hesitate to ask me if I am giving 100% and if you want email me and I will do the same if I see you. It is time that we as believers spur one another on like Hebrews 10 tells us to. That we push one another to deeper walks with Christ, not just pamper one another. That is what I have gotten the last 3 weeks people saying, "I see this in you and you need to work on it." Thank God for that, join me in giving 100% and lets see what amazing things God can and will do in our lives.

P.S. I know this sounds so simple and child like or your parents encouraging you to just give 100%. It is more than that, it is what God requires, not asks or hopes, He demands we give Him 100%, absolutely all of who we are and hope to ever be.

That is just my feelings.

Matt

Last week I asked Meagan if I could borrow some of her jeans, and thank goodness she let me.  My clothes don't fit.  They're too little.  There I said it.  Over the weekend I commented to Mother and Meagan that I was so tired of putting on pants that literally were painful.  Two days ago, PJ said "Gina, Jackie (her daughter) lost a bunch of weight and she cleaned out her clothes and I'm gonna let you go through them."  That same day at lunch I went to Wal Mart and ran into a person that sometimes comes in my place of employment.  I looked as dishoveled as I think he'd ever seen me.  He said "You still working at M&M?" 'cause I looked like a stay-at-home mom who'd come out of the house with no make-up on.  I told him that yes I was still working, I was just on my lunch break.  Well yesterday Peggy asked me how the clothes worked for me.  I'd totally forgotten!!  They were still in my trunk.  

Last night right before church I got them out just to look at them.  I started thinking they just might fit.  Guess what??  That's right.  They fit perfectly.  It's like 5 pair of capris, several skirts, a pair of cute little jogging pants like what I've wanted for a long time.  I was so thankful and couldn't wait 'till choir last night to tell Peggy.  She was very glad for me.

So today for the first time since I've gained weight, I can breathe!!  Plus it's also much safer for those around me, because of the risk of a button popping off of my pants and killing someone.

I also went back to the Dr. yesterday.  He asked me how things were, and I told him about the same.  He said "Ok.  Your blood work looked good, and the vitamins I gave you aren't helping, and you still feel groggy constantly.  There's something called idiopathic hypersomnia.  I think you may have that."  I said "Well the first word sounds like idiot, so that must be what I have!"  It's basically the total opposite of insomnia.  So, he put me on a new medicine.  Please pray that my insurance will cover this because it cost $300.00!!!!  There isn't a generic.  

Why am I telling you this????  Well, maybe some of you need to hear this today.  Christians go to the Dr. sometimes.  Gasp!!!!  That's right, they do.  I was sort of inspired to share this with you because over the weekend someone talked about Chonda Pierce.  For those of you who don't know, Chonda is a Chrisitian comedian and singer.  Very funny.  Someone talked about seeing her on a show talking about her recent major bout with depression, that left her hospitalized.   I didn't believe them until a few others chimed in.

http://www.jesusfreakhideout.com/news/2008/02/05.Chonda%20Pierce%20Stayin%20Alive%20Laughing!.asp

There is such a taboo among Christians about depression, or mental illness, or problems other than what they view as acceptable.  Look, I've tried for about a year and a half to increase my coffee consumption, take vitamins, and do whatever, and it didn't work.  Did I pray?  YES. Do I believe God answers prayers sometimes without medicine?  YES.  Remember he healed me and kept me from major surgery.

I just want to encourage you, pray first.  If you need medical help, then get it.  God will guide you.  Just remember and always acknowledge God.  Don't have the attitude, "Well, God didn't do it, so maybe a Dr. can."  It's all under God.  

Matthew 9:10-11Later when Jesus was eating supper at Matthew's house with his close followers, a lot of disreputable characters came and joined them. When the Pharisees saw him keeping this kind of company, they had a fit, and lit into Jesus' followers. "What kind of example is this from your Teacher, acting cozy with crooks and riffraff?"

 12-13Jesus, overhearing, shot back, "Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? Go figure out what this Scripture means: 'I'm after mercy, not religion.' I'm here to invite outsiders, not coddle insiders."

Wait a minute.  Excuse me?  Did Jesus just say that?  In the verses just prior he had miraculously healed a paralytic, so obviously miracles are possible, and sometimes happen.  They have happened to me.  But, if the Lord doesn't want us to ever go to a Dr, why did He say that?  Why did He make that statement?  If you're there this morning, and under a load of guilt because God's way of healing you may be through a Dr., don't despair.  Think of all the people you could impact at the Dr. office, and maybe pharmacy with the love of Christ.  God has very specific reasons for every single moment of our life.  Wow. 

During Sunday School this past week, someone in my class said "I have a praise report.  I feel happy today.  I've struggled with alot lately, but today I feel happy." I also read Erin Blair's blog and in it she says she just now has this same feeling of happiness that had been missing for so long, and she just thanked God for it in every way.

I also have some friends going through extreme emotional, as well as financial and many other struggles.  I recently tried to be a listening ear to someone who wanted to talk to me, and not just say "Well, here's what ya need to do."  (As if I really even know anyway)  But, I did tell my friend this, I believe that we have to believe that God has good things in store for us and wants the best.  I told her that in my own life I've struggled with so much, that I had come to the conclusion the only way to make it was to assume nothing good was going to happen, and then I wouldn't be disappointed when it didn't.  What a life, right?  I told her we have to believe in God, in the entirety of who He is, and then expect Him to move in mighty ways. 

Isaiah 7:9b If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.  

Are you firm in your faith today?  Boy I sure haven't been.  Remember that faith is believing in the unseen.  What you can't hold, touch, smell. 

My friend is dealing with unfair persecution from people who don't understand her wallk with Christ.  Very tough situation.  One that I can understand.  It's like I told you the other day, we are allowed to go through what we go through for the purpose of God.  I can tell her "I know exactly how you feel" and I really do.  

I read this passage this morning, and said "God, this is mine and my friend's prayer to You." 

If you're struggling and about to sink, make this your prayer.

Psalm 69

For the director of music. To the tune of "Lilies." Of David.

 1 Save me, O God,
       for the waters have come up to my neck.

 2 I sink in the miry depths,
       where there is no foothold.
       I have come into the deep waters;
       the floods engulf me.

 3 I am worn out calling for help;
       my throat is parched.
       My eyes fail,
       looking for my God.

 4 Those who hate me without reason
       outnumber the hairs of my head;
       many are my enemies without cause,
       those who seek to destroy me.
       I am forced to restore
       what I did not steal.

 5 You know my folly, O God;
       my guilt is not hidden from you.

 6 May those who hope in you
       not be disgraced because of me,
       O Lord, the LORD Almighty;
       may those who seek you
       not be put to shame because of me,
       O God of Israel.

 7 For I endure scorn for your sake,
       and shame covers my face.

 8 I am a stranger to my brothers,
       an alien to my own mother's sons;

 9 for zeal for your house consumes me,
       and the insults of those who insult you fall on me.

 10 When I weep and fast,
       I must endure scorn;

 11 when I put on sackcloth,
       people make sport of me.

 12 Those who sit at the gate mock me,
       and I am the song of the drunkards.

 13 But I pray to you, O LORD,
       in the time of your favor;
       in your great love, O God,
       answer me with your sure salvation.

 14 Rescue me from the mire,
       do not let me sink;
       deliver me from those who hate me,
       from the deep waters.

 15 Do not let the floodwaters engulf me
       or the depths swallow me up
       or the pit close its mouth over me.

 16 Answer me, O LORD, out of the goodness of your love;
       in your great mercy turn to me.

 17 Do not hide your face from your servant;
       answer me quickly, for I am in trouble.

 18 Come near and rescue me;
       redeem me because of my foes.

 19 You know how I am scorned, disgraced and shamed;
       all my enemies are before you.

 20 Scorn has broken my heart
       and has left me helpless;
       I looked for sympathy, but there was none,
       for comforters, but I found none.

 21 They put gall in my food
       and gave me vinegar for my thirst.

 22 May the table set before them become a snare;
       may it become retribution and ^[a] a trap.

 23 May their eyes be darkened so they cannot see,
       and their backs be bent forever.

 24 Pour out your wrath on them;
       let your fierce anger overtake them.

 25 May their place be deserted;
       let there be no one to dwell in their tents.

 26 For they persecute those you wound
       and talk about the pain of those you hurt.

 27 Charge them with crime upon crime;
       do not let them share in your salvation.

 28 May they be blotted out of the book of life
       and not be listed with the righteous.

 29 I am in pain and distress;
       may your salvation, O God, protect me.

 30 I will praise God's name in song
       and glorify him with thanksgiving.

 31 This will please the LORD more than an ox,
       more than a bull with its horns and hoofs.

 32 The poor will see and be glad—
       you who seek God, may your hearts live!

 33 The LORD hears the needy
       and does not despise his captive people.

 34 Let heaven and earth praise him,
       the seas and all that move in them,

 35 for God will save Zion
       and rebuild the cities of Judah.
       Then people will settle there and possess it;

 36 the children of his servants will inherit it,
       and those who love his name will dwell there.

For several months I've had a twitchy eye.  It's almost as annoying as the fact that I came to work without my coffee thermos today.  I've noticed the things that sort of trigger it, but can't seem to avoid the trigger.  Yesterday I jokingly asked someone if they knew anything about a twitchy eye.  "Well you can try to move your computer monitor, but for the most part it's stress."  I told him I'd move the computer monitor, that'd be much quicker!!  Then last night at the PTO meeting I said something about it.  "Oh,(one of the ladies said) it's stress, you've got too much going on in your life."  "Oh ok"  I said "which one of you would like to step up and be the PTO Pres?"  Silence.  

Life is hard, but God is good.   

Phillipians 4:4-5Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you're on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute!

 6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

 8-9Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

Content Whatever the Circumstances

 15-17You Philippians well know, and you can be sure I'll never forget it, that when I first left Macedonia province, venturing out with the Message, not one church helped out in the give-and-take of this work except you. You were the only one. Even while I was in Thessalonica, you helped out—and not only once, but twice. Not that I'm looking for handouts, but I do want you to experience the blessing that issues from generosity.

 18-20And now I have it all—and keep getting more! The gifts you sent with Epaphroditus were more than enough, like a sweet-smelling sacrifice roasting on the altar, filling the air with fragrance, pleasing God no end. You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes.

 21-22Give our regards to every follower of Jesus you meet. Our friends here say hello. All the Christians here, especially the believers who work in the palace of Caesar, want to be remembered to you.

 23Receive and experience the amazing grace of the Master, Jesus Christ, deep, deep within yourselves.

Well Chloe got sick at her stomach this morning.  Mark's home with her right now.  I know what happened, we had hamburger helper last night, but substituted ground turkey.  This happened last time we ate this and I put 2 and 2 together.  See our family is so used to junk that when we try to eat healthy, our body goes into shock! Ha! 

Last night at church in Vision we talked about struggles we're all going through.  I think God intends for us to be one another's support system and accountability partners.  When a person knows they can totally honest with you, I think it can really help them.  This is a problem.  We all are either struggling, or have struggled, or someone in our family has, and we could use that to help someone who's in the same struggle.  But often we hide our past hoping that nobody will find out, because of what people might think.  If you've read the book Purpose Driven Life, then you know that God intends to use every moment of your life for His purpose. Victory, defeat, health, sickness, abortion, divorce, teen-age pregnancy, overeating, undereating, poverty, wealth.  ALL of it. Please don't deny a person who God has put in your path, the blessing of your understanding where there coming from and telling them so.  

It's so hard sometimes to know with confidence what God wants you to do in life and situations.  Sometimes I feel stuck in the middle.  I feel like certain people look at me and think I'm "Holier than thou" which I have been called by the way, and yet others say I'm liberal.  I hope I'm neither. Sometimes in life you will only be understood by God, and that's just the way it is.  I was thinking about this yesterday.  When you're standing up for what you believe in your heart is right, for the glory of God, and nobody gets it, nobody but you and God, that's what God means when he says we are blessed when we are persecuted for Him.  Blessed.  Blessed.  I'm feeling awfully blessed Praise God!!

You have to establish your own personal relationship with God.  We no longer have a mediator on earth in the form of a priest who offers up sacrifices.

This is a portion of what I taught last night.

Isaiah 1-8 In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Master sitting on a throne—high, exalted!—and the train of his robes filled the Temple. Angel-seraphs hovered above him, each with six wings. With two wings they covered their faces, with two their feet, and with two they flew. And they called back and forth one to the other,
   Holy, Holy, Holy is God-of-the-Angel-Armies.
   His bright glory fills the whole earth.
The foundations trembled at the sound of the angel voices, and then the whole house filled with smoke.

You see we read this and realize God is holy.  (And He is.)  I think a lot of us (including me) do forget exactly what God is, and how pathetic we are sometimes.  He’s lavished us so much, that we have at time become spoiled.  So, let’s take a minute to realize who He is.  Isaiah though, because he was in Heaven, could see it for what it was, in an actual way.  So, this is what he said.

I said,   "Doom! It's Doomsday!
   I'm as good as dead!
Every word I've ever spoken is tainted—
   blasphemous even!
And the people I live with talk the same way,
   using words that corrupt and desecrate.
And here I've looked God in the face!
   The King! God-of-the-Angel-Armies!"

He realized how unworthy he was, when he saw God, and saw Himself.  Now you might say, “Well, we can’t see God the way he could.”  But, the bottom line in that in the day of Isaiah, priests and sacrifices were necessary to approach God, but now, we can freely approach Him.  Through his word, prayer, songs.  So, in actuality we can see how holy God is if we want to.  The reality is that we take it for granted, and don’t want to think about the truth sometimes.  But, the truth of who we are, and who He is isn’t to bring us guilt, it’s so that we will offer him constant praise because of what He’s done for us.  Remember, He inhabits our praise, and he’s worthy. 

Then one of the angel-seraphs flew to me. He held a live coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. He touched my mouth with the coal and said,

"Look. This coal has touched your lips.
   Gone your guilt,
   your sins wiped out."
The sad truth is many of us live as if our sins are not wiped out.  We are told they are, by Christ, but people tell us they are not.  Can you imagine how your life and my life would radically change if we lived with the actual belief that we won’t be judged for our mistakes, only what we achieve?  Only the good.  Do you live that way.  For me I don’t.  And if I did, it wouldn’t cause me to think I’d get away with sinning, it would cause me to be free to go after every good thing Christ wants to do for me. 
 

 Church was very good Sunday and I sat at the front again, and was very freed by being at the front. Just 'cause I can't see the 200 people behind me that may or may not stare at me, so I just can make it more me and God. Well, let me back up and start with my weekend.

We went to Joyful Noise on Friday for a hang-out time and got to hear the local group Temple Cry. It's a great time. I'm telling you, if you haven't done it yet, you need to do this one Friday or Saturday night.

Saturday was the homeless shelter, and it was so good to be there. I love them. What was sort of neat was when one of the ladies came up and said "We've been here 90 days, and you are the first church that's prayed with us and talked about the love of Christ." My goodness isn't that something? We get so busy doing what we're doing sometimes, we totally forget why we do it. We had a few comical moments with the food, but we always do and that's what makes it fun and funny too. I had people that came up after the meal and asked me to pray for them. I had one man who asked me to pray for him. He said that when he'd been saved fifteen years ago that God had called him into the ministry and he resisted because of what people had told him. That the mistakes he'd made in his life left him in a place where he just wouldn't be an appropriate pastor! Say what??!! You mean they were saying that he'd done something that left him unworthy of God's unconditional grace and mercy??!! GGGGRRRRRRR........ So, I told him I would pray, and that if God was calling him to minister, he had to. It didn't matter what he was told. I firmly believe that a majority of Christians have miserable lives because they are outside of the will of God. Let me tell you something, if God tells YOU to do or to be something, don't you go around looking for approval. If you get it, good. That's icing on the cake. But, you better get used to eating your cake like my Chloe will want her birthday cake-with no icing! It's tough. Believe me. I know. (And yes, my daughter truly doesn't like icing on her cake!)

Holly had a Beauty With-In Seminar meeting yesterday afternoon. I am sort of feeding off of her determination. If you have the opportunity to be around motivated people-do it. It will motivate you. She gave us the list and we discussed plans. It's very exciting. One of the things we talked about was the shirt design.

It made me think about designing a new shirt for Vision. Dusty even said "Hey, we need a new shirt." I love to do this. It's sort of like writing songs. I start getting ideas, play around with different designs. Well, I started thinking today "Hm. What about like the "V" sign and then somehow tie it into Vision. Well, I googled it just trying to see different photos I could come up with, and came across this:

The signal "actually began as a symbol of Satanic benediction during the rituals.'' This sign has been used by Yasser Arafat, Richard Nixon, Winston Churchill, and Stewart Meacham, Co-Chairman of Reds' New Mobilisation Committee." Churchill said that the sign stood for victory but remember that Churchill was one of the insider "elite" and a Mason. He most likely knew the evil significance of this symbol but tried to give it a facelift. The "v sign" has a colourful history. "V" is the Roman sign for the number five and Adam Weishaupt used it in the Illuminati to symbolise the "Law of Fives,'' but there's more. In the Cabala: "the meaning for the Hebrew letter for V (Van) is 'Nail.' Now, 'The Nail' is one of the secret titles of Satan within the Brotherhood of Satanism. Satan is letting us know that this is one of his favourite signs. Why else does he like the PENTA-gram (Penta = five!) and the FIVE-fold salute used in Masonry and Witchcraft?'' Furthermore: "The Leftists, radicals, and Satanists who have popularised that sign...know its ancient significance very well. In fact, that 'V' sign is now used extensively by such Communist organisations as the Young Socialist Alliance, Vets for Peace in Vietnam, and the Students for a Democratic Society." Think I'd better come up with a different sign!! But you know what guys, the bottom line is a lot of people would've attempted to slam me if I would've innocently made a shirt with this. Thank goodness the Lord allowed me to see this. But, if I wouldn't have known better would you have convicted me??? Many do. Churches are full of the "sick" who don't know. I want them to know, and you do too. But we can't attack them and expect them to say "OOHH, I want that they have." Don't get me wrong, please. I'm not oking sin. I'm not saying I exactly have the answer. I just know that condemnation isn't the answer or the way.

So, I'm sure that some of you will take this opportunity to find everyone with a V shirt and say "OOOO. That's a devil sign." Maybe you could rethink that, and if you see someone engage them on the Love and hope you've found in our Savior.

Isaiah 2:11 The eyes of the arrogant man will be humbled and the pride of men brought low; the LORD alone will be exalted in that day.

Exalt our God today. He is worthy!

I received this comment from the blog I just posted:

Do you know that I have never "got" that Elihu wasn't in that grouping?  Thank you so much for sharing.  So, I think if I'm understanding, the three friends spoke and Job spoke back, and then the younger Elihu listened and spoke as best he could the heart of Christ.  The friend were speaking of a God that maybe they knew about but didn't know.  32:1 So these three men stoped amnsering Job, 32 1-5 Job's three friends now fell silent. They were talked out, stymied because Job wouldn't budge an inch—wouldn't admit to an ounce of guilt. Then Elihu lost his temper. (Elihu was the son of Barakel the Buzite from the clan of Ram.) He blazed out in anger against Job for pitting his righteousness against God's. He was also angry with the three friends because they had neither come up with an answer nor proved Job wrong. Elihu had waited with Job while they spoke because they were all older than he. But when he saw that the three other men had exhausted their arguments, he exploded with pent-up anger. 

His anger with Job was because Job dared to compare his rightousness with God's??  That was not found offensive by God.  

Thanks very much for explaing this to me.  

Gina 

Verse 1

Woke up this morning,

Felt a little better

Not where I wanna be yet

But that’s ok

Forgetting ‘bout the past

Looking forward to tomorrow

And for the first time in a while

I’m glad it’s today

Chorus

I’m glad it’s today/just to be in this moment

So I’ll take it in for what it is

I’m not saying my life will always be roses

Sometimes they’ll be thorns and pain

But for now I’m glad it’s today

Verse 2

Scary to crawl out

Of the rock I’m under

But it’s just as scary to think

Of staying here

I’ve been a bit cramped

Darkness is getting old

So I’m gonna look to the Son

To make things clear

Repeat Chorus

Bridge

I think my problem’s been/ that I’m stuck in

All the was’s and what’s to be

I’m gonna take a breath/and let myself rest

Because it’s settin’ me free

Repeat Chorus

Tag

Jesus took thorns and pain

So I can be glad it's today

I realize that was's isn't a word, but it's my song ok! It's the plural of was.  I know I'm making it up. 

Yesterday I went to the Dr.  A different Dr. and he said "OK.  Start at the beginning."  Music to my ears, 'cause I love it when I'm given freedom to talk as much as I want, which doesn't happen to me very much.  He's doing a lot of tests on my blood.  We talked about eating and coffee.  He wanted to know how I ate, and I was cornered,  'cause I said "well, just a little of everything."  But he was too smart for that.  "What did you eat yesterday?"  "What did you eat today?"  Wow, he must have done this before.  He basically said, "Look,  You can't drink 30+ cups of coffee a day and think that's ok with your insides.  You're wrecking your insides." He tells me all the things I need to eat and drink and do, and I know he's right.

Last night I went in Focus, 'cause nobody came to Vision.  Does God know what He's doing or what?  I'm so glad I got to be in that room last night.  It was SO good.  Adam E. told Richard that he felt led to teach and Richard has always been supportive in that aspect.  What a lesson!!  What praise and worship time!!  Someone got saved!!

I'm nearing the end of my reading of Job, and I'll probably read on to the end today.  I just love it when God says "Aha! Things are not always what they seem!"  Job wins.  Good wins.  God wins.  I am reading the speech of Elihu right now.  You know the more I am reading the words he is saying, I'm almost feeling like I've played his role more that I like to admit.  If you'll read the words he said to Job, it sounds good.  I mean he's just telling Job not to speak out against God and stop calling himself righteous.  That doesn't sound too bad, right?  But all the while Job was pleading for mercy from his friends, and continued to declare his righteousness.  They were appalled and rejected him completely.  But they were WRONG!  I think about the times that I thought something about a person, and things weren't what I thought.  When someone needs you, I mean cries out to you and needs you, are you there for them?  Or do you tell them all the things they should've done to prevent themselves from getting in this shape??  Do you really think that's effective?  Do I? Well, it's not.  I challenge you to read starting at Job 32 and realize that these beautiful words from Elihu were a smokescreen to judge, and remember at the end who God said was the right one.  

Three weeks ago I had never met Dotty Young in person.  She is my friend through Write About Jesus that I'd only communicated with via email.  Well during the conference I attended recently, Dotty and I stayed at the same house with our mutual friend Wendy who lives in Nashville.  As Dotty and I were in idle chit chat at Wendy's, she asked me exactly where I'm from.  I told her Kings Mtn. NC.  She started laughing.  You see she lives in Ohio now, but is from Rutherfordton.  (I don't actually know how to spell that) So, she had told me last week that she and her husband were going to be in the area.  She and I tried back and forth to "hook up"  but it never worked out.  Well, Friday night I got a phone call "Hey there Gina Pasour!  Guess where I am?"  Turns out they were in Shelby!  So we met at Swooger's and had a quick bite and then they hung out at our house for a while.  It's so fun to make these new friendships through songwriting.  You really do make friendships almost more than or at least as much as music.  You know heaven will be this way.  Reuniting with people and meeting people.  But I think somehow in heaven that we'll know the people we've never even met. 

Sunday morning service was great.  I'll admit I did some much needed boohooing.  The kind that there's no need to try to tissue off.  The kind that after service people are going "What's wrong with Gina?"  I had raccoon eyes from crying.  Last night before church I was gonna wash my face and redo my make-up, but I opted for the Tammy Faye look.  I loved Tammy Faye Baker, so I'm not putting her down.   

Vision had 16 in Sunday School and 12 last night, and for us that is HUGE!  We talked about a wonderful mission project that frees 1 enslaved sexual slave for $1000.00  Ashley Black made us aware of this, and what perfect timing at the conclusion of The Treasure Principle.  So we hope to do some fund raisers to free a sexual slave.

love146.org is the site.

I started a song on the way back from lunch.  This is what I've got so far.

Woke up this morning,

Felt a little better

Not where I wanna be yet

But that’s ok

Forgetting ‘bout the past

Looking forward to tomorrow

And for the first time in a while

I’m glad it’s today

I'm constantly told that I need to write more positive songs, so I'm trying. It's not in my nature to write in a place that I'm not.  Maybe that is one of my weaknesses in writing.   I'm so glad that with God I can be 100% me, and you can be 100% you.  He's perfectly ok with it. 

Psalm 35

1-3 Harass these hecklers, God, punch these bullies in the nose.
   Grab a weapon, anything at hand;
      stand up for me!
   Get ready to throw the spear, aim the javelin,
      at the people who are out to get me.
   Reassure me; let me hear you say,
      "I'll save you."

 4-8 When those thugs try to knife me in the back,
      make them look foolish.
   Frustrate all those
      who are plotting my downfall.
   Make them like cinders in a high wind,
      with God's angel working the bellows.
   Make their road lightless and mud-slick,
      with God's angel on their tails.
   Out of sheer cussedness they set a trap to catch me;
      for no good reason they dug a ditch to stop me.
   Surprise them with your ambush—
      catch them in the very trap they set,
      the disaster they planned for me.

 9-10 But let me run loose and free,
      celebrating God's great work,
   Every bone in my body laughing, singing, "God,
      there's no one like you.
   You put the down-and-out on their feet
      and protect the unprotected from bullies!"

 11-12 Hostile accusers appear out of nowhere,
      they stand up and badger me.
   They pay me back misery for mercy,
      leaving my soul empty.

 13-14 When they were sick, I dressed in black;
      instead of eating, I prayed.
   My prayers were like lead in my gut,
      like I'd lost my best friend, my brother.
   I paced, distraught as a motherless child,
      hunched and heavyhearted.

 15-16 But when I was down
      they threw a party!
   All the nameless riffraff of the town came
      chanting insults about me.
   Like barbarians desecrating a shrine,
      they destroyed my reputation.

 17-18 God, how long are you going
      to stand there doing nothing?
   Save me from their brutalities;
      everything I've got is being thrown to the lions.
   I will give you full credit
      when everyone gathers for worship;
   When the people turn out in force
      I will say my Hallelujahs.

 19-21 Don't let these liars, my enemies,
      have a party at my expense,
   Those who hate me for no reason,
      winking and rolling their eyes.
   No good is going to come
      from that crowd;
   They spend all their time cooking up gossip
      against those who mind their own business.
   They open their mouths
      in ugly grins,
   Mocking, "Ha-ha, ha-ha, thought you'd get away with it?
      We've caught you hands down!"

 22 Don't you see what they're doing, God?
      You're not going to let them
   Get by with it, are you? Not going to walk off
      without doing something, are you?

 23-26 Please get up—wake up! Tend to my case.
      My God, my Lord—my life is on the line.
   Do what you think is right, God, my God,
      but don't make me pay for their good time.
   Don't let them say to themselves,
      "Ha-ha, we got what we wanted."
   Don't let them say,
      "We've chewed him up and spit him out."
   Let those who are being hilarious
      at my expense
   Be made to look ridiculous.
      Make them wear donkey's ears;
   Pin them with the donkey's tail,
      who made themselves so high and mighty!

 27-28 But those who want
      the best for me,
   Let them have the last word—a glad shout!—
      and say, over and over and over,
   "God is great—everything works
      together for good for his servant."
   I'll tell the world how great and good you are,
      I'll shout Hallelujah all day, every day.

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