Gigi's Blog

When we were at Meagan’s college orientation a few weeks back I cut my leg shaving.  Well, it’s more than I just cut my leg shaving; it’s I took a huge chunk of skin off, the total of about 2 ½ inches.  Hard to believe I know.  I was so tired and I guess not paying attention.  As soon as I did it though, I knew it.  It hurt very badly for days.  Last week at M-Fuge there were several days when red was sort of making a line around it.  You know like it does when it’s infected.  I started a sort of regimen consisting mostly of hydrogen peroxide.  Megan told me to scrape it and then clean it. EEEWWWW.  Nobody could believe I had done it by shaving.  It’s finally not raw.  Wed. night at church Megan said “Gina, you need to get some scar cream so the scar will go away.”  I joked back “Are you kidding me? I’m proud of this thing.”

You know my life is so scarred.  Scarred is many ways.  Scars in different stages of healing.  Some scars are old and sort of toughened back up. Some scars are to a point that they are definitely healing.  Some scars just barely have skin on them enough if they get emotionally bumped, they open back up again.  But the tendency for so many of us is to make sure that our scars stay well hidden so no one even knows we even have any. 

Why do any of us hide our physical scars?  Embarrassment.  Let’s put it on a personal level-me.  I spend quite a lot of time apply loads of make-up. I have always had problems with spells of acne. Finding pants that cover my, well let’s say extra skin, but that I can still breathe in.  I cover my gray.  I limp sometimes because I have tumors in my left foot; which is the same foot that I broke my heel into my ankle bone.  I try so hard to walk without that limp, because it’s humiliating.  It’s not that I want to look perfect; it’s that I’m embarrassed when I think a person is focusing on my flaws instead of me as a person. 

So a lot of us do the same thing with our emotional scarring.  We cover it up with pretend smiles of perfection. We tire ourselves to the point of exhaustion to try to keep the lid on our past.   We have selective amnesia about our past because we just want people to see who we are today.  What will people think if they knew about…………….????   I think this is wrong.  When we allow people to see our scar(s) from the past, and they see that it’s all better now, and that we survived it, it gives them hope.  They know that they have a person they can go to for encouragement that really does understand.  Maybe you’re scar is still very sensitive.  If we allow a person to see that place in us, maybe it would encourage them to take that first step.  I’m tired of the game.  I’m not playing it anymore.  If you want perfection, look at God-not me.

If God wanted us to cover our scars, why were Jesus’ still in His hands??????

John 20:27Then he focused his attention on Thomas. "Take your finger and examine my hands. Take your hand and stick it in my side. Don't be unbelieving. Believe." 28Thomas said, "My Master! My God!"

This was Chloe’s response as we tried for the second day at her attempt to learn to bike ride.  I take a huge amount of responsibility for the fact the she hasn’t been able to ride a bike.  One of the problems is my extreme level of anxiety that I’ve always had about really everything.  Anytime my kids get hurt I have a nervous breakdown.  So my answer has always been just don’t put yourself in that position and then it won’t happen.  The problem with that is I’m sheltering them from the hurt that’s a necessary part of learning.  I can see this now as our older children enter into adulthood; that protecting them from everything leaves them unable to handle much of anything.  I want to cling to the truths that what I’ve tried to do that is right and godly will overrule the rest. 

We started trying to teach her on Monday night and it went very badly.  So, last night Mark had to go cut grass for someone and I decided maybe we’d try again.  Just me and her-goodness what a team (and I am kidding).  I am not an outsider.  I’m afraid of my kids getting hurt.  Chloe is horrified of getting hurt, as well as embarrassed by the fact she is well beyond the age that we should have taught her to ride a bike.  So, I ask her, “Would you like to try again to ride your bike?”  She tears up.  I know she’s scared out of her mind.  You see Chloe is very smart and reverse psychology doesn’t work with her, and she is a realist and very practical.  So sometimes when she hits me with solid facts- I don’t have a good comeback for her.  We headed upstairs and started getting ready and she continues to fight back tears.  We get to the bottom of the stairs and pray. She buries her head in my side as I ask God to help us both.  We get outside and she says “I am absolutely sure that I’m going to fall.”  I try to encourage her.  We try for a bit with me holding onto the back of the seat, and she wobbled.  Finally I said “Chloe, I think the problem is me holding onto you.  You know what to do if you fall.  Why don’t you try it on your own?”  So I did what seemed wrong.  I let her go.  I gave her the chance to fall.  I saw her horrified look as I challenged her this way.  She put her feet up on the peddles and the entire time said she was scared.  The first time she couldn’t do it, and in fact several times she couldn’t do it.  Each time I prayed “God help her.” And then…………………. SHE DID IT!   If you could have seen the look on her face, on my face, when we realized that she had done it. We both screamed.  Her whole persona changed.  We practiced over and over just going up and down the driveway.  I told her we’d practice turning maybe today, and that I believe within no time, she’ll be a pro.  She was elated and couldn’t wait for Mark to get home.  To see my child go from complete fear and doubt into hope and belief is something I’ll never forget. 

You know I’ve wanted this for her for so long.  I have felt so, so, so guilty for my part in Chloe’s problems as far as learning to do things like this, that my temptation was and is to say “Chloe just do it!!  Grow up!!  Stop being scared of everything!!” so that the focus would be on her and not on my shortcomings as her momma.  But the fact is we are where we are and I’ve made the mistakes I’ve made, and we must live in today.  I can’t change the past, and to live in tomorrow is a huge mistake.  So the reality is that all I can do is be patient and wait as she decides “OK.  Today I will learn to ride a bike.  I will sing on stage.  I will learn to swim.  I will……………………………”

Do you find yourself in this same place today; a person, a loved one, a friend who you so much want to be what you believe they should be?  Do the things that you know are right for them?  I do.  It’s so hard.  I believe the reality is that God through the Holy Spirit and death of His son are solely responsible for every good thing and positive and right change that happens in an individual.  God promises that when we search for Him, we find Him.  When we want to know His will for our lives, He says He’ll show us.  Often He does work through us to inspire change in a person, but not in the ways that I often think.  It’s not in spiritual arrogance, it’s not in a bossy attitude, and it’s not in a threatening way.  It’s in a quiet, humble life devoted to love God supremely. Just like Chloe’s bike riding, sometimes we must let go and decide to love them no matter what happens and trust God to do the rest.  You see we say to them “You must have trust in God, don’t you have faith in the almighty God?!”  But when they see us give up on them, and act ungodly, what does that say about our faith?” 

My instinct with Chloe and her bike was to say “Chloe, people are gonna make fun of you.  You should be further along than this.  You need to do this.”  I predict that if I would have done that, that bike wouldn’t have been used last night.  The things that come natural aren’t always that right things.  What I think will motivate change usually doesn’t.  Patience comes at a price, but I believe it’s worth it in the end.  The price-people’s opinion of you, giving up your own interest to put others first, hurt that is sometimes extreme.  When I’m tempted to say “It’s just too much.  I can’t do it.” I’m reminded that God paid that very price for Gina while she was worse than any person she ever hopes to influence to change. 

1 Corinthians 4

 1-4Don't imagine us leaders to be something we aren't. We are servants of Christ, not his masters. We are guides into God's most sublime secrets, not security guards posted to protect them. The requirements for a good guide are reliability and accurate knowledge. It matters very little to me what you think of me, even less where I rank in popular opinion. I don't even rank myself. Comparisons in these matters are pointless. I'm not aware of anything that would disqualify me from being a good guide for you, but that doesn't mean much. The Master makes that judgment.

 5So don't get ahead of the Master and jump to conclusions with your judgments before all the evidence is in. When he comes, he will bring out in the open and place in evidence all kinds of things we never even dreamed of—inner motives and purposes and prayers. Only then will any one of us get to hear the "Well done!" of God.

 6All I'm doing right now, friends, is showing how these things pertain to Apollos and me so that you will learn restraint and not rush into making judgments without knowing all the facts. It's important to look at things from God's point of view. I would rather not see you inflating or deflating reputations based on mere hearsay.

 7-8For who do you know that really knows you, knows your heart? And even if they did, is there anything they would discover in you that you could take credit for? Isn't everything you have and everything you are sheer gifts from God? So what's the point of all this comparing and competing? You already have all you need. You already have more access to God than you can handle. Without bringing either Apollos or me into it, you're sitting on top of the world—at least God's world—and we're right there, sitting alongside you!

 9-13It seems to me that God has put us who bear his Message on stage in a theater in which no one wants to buy a ticket. We're something everyone stands around and stares at, like an accident in the street. We're the Messiah's misfits. You might be sure of yourselves, but we live in the midst of frailties and uncertainties. You might be well-thought-of by others, but we're mostly kicked around. Much of the time we don't have enough to eat, we wear patched and threadbare clothes, we get doors slammed in our faces, and we pick up odd jobs anywhere we can to eke out a living. When they call us names, we say, "God bless you." When they spread rumors about us, we put in a good word for them. We're treated like garbage, potato peelings from the culture's kitchen. And it's not getting any better.

 14-16I'm not writing all this as a neighborhood scold just to make you feel rotten. I'm writing as a father to you, my children. I love you and want you to grow up well, not spoiled. There are a lot of people around who can't wait to tell you what you've done wrong, but there aren't many fathers willing to take the time and effort to help you grow up. It was as Jesus helped me proclaim God's Message to you that I became your father. I'm not, you know, asking you to do anything I'm not already doing myself.

 17This is why I sent Timothy to you earlier. He is also my dear son, and true to the Master. He will refresh your memory on the instructions I regularly give all the churches on the way of Christ.

 18-20I know there are some among you who are so full of themselves they never listen to anyone, let alone me. They don't think I'll ever show up in person. But I'll be there sooner than you think, God willing, and then we'll see if they're full of anything but hot air. God's Way is not a matter of mere talk; it's an empowered life.

 21So how should I prepare to come to you? As a severe disciplinarian who makes you toe the mark? Or as a good friend and counselor who wants to share heart-to-heart with you? You decide.

How in the world to fit all this into anything less than a small book I’m not sure, but I’ll try.  First off I want to say “I’m sorry” because I haven’t blogged in a long time.  No time at camp, and the days leading up I just couldn’t think very well.

 

One week ago we weren’t even there yet.  It’s hard to believe how quickly it went by.  When we got there, it was literally crazy as we drove up.  They were screaming.  We were screaming.  They actually had a banner for us to drive through. 

 

Several funny events occurred.  One of which being the girls dorms had five flights of stairs-with no elevators. Also, you have five choices of the groups you want to minister to.  You choose three.  They try very hard to put you in the first, but sometimes it’s the second.  I prayed “Lord, wherever is best for You, is best for me, Amen, from your oh-so-humble servant Gina.” Well, I was under the assumption that His best would not be the group Games and Rec.  I didn’t even put that on my list of the top three!!  I walked out to my group leader and said “Did you say Games and Rec.”  She confirmed that yes; I was in Games and Rec, even though I didn’t choose that at all.  Megan Blanton, me and Holly were all in the group, but Holly wasn’t with me and Megan.  Neither of us put that on our choices.  I said “Ok Lord, you must have something real good in store here!”  Of course, he did.   

 

The camp pastor was Moses Caesar, and he is quite a character!  www.mosesbook.com

He’s truly a modern day Paul. 

The camp director was Jana Spooner.  She and her husband Michael led worship, and it was truly worship. 

 

The food was good, but I did encounter a grumpy pizza man.  There was another lady though who was very nice and hugged me when I told her I’d be leaving.  I took my own coffee pot, so that wasn’t an issue. 

 

The Bible studies were based on Matthew 13.  We had times together in the morning as a group, as well as study time with the adults and then evening time together, and then time for our individual youth group.  During our time with the group in the evening, we had a lesson taught by different people.  I’m a proud momma bragging here, so please indulge me.  The night Meagan taught, it was one of the most moving things I’ve ever been a part of in my life.  Some people were literally laying face down on the floor, and pretty much every person in the room was crying, and most were sobbing.  Her lesson was on forgiveness, and it was huge.  It was.  We almost missed that night’s event when the group came back together as a whole, but nobody cared.  OK, bragging over for now.  Thank you. 

 

I  could tell you a million stories, but I won’t.  I’ll share one.  There was a girl that was 9 at the community center we ministered to. We went outside and sat underneath the playground equipment. She was fixing my hair.  They all wanted to fix our hair.  She asked me if I sang, and I told her I like to write songs.  A little later she said “I write songs too.  But they make me cry.”  I said “Oh.  That’s good.  That means you really understand the song.  That’s a good sign.”  A little later I told her to sing something.  She opened her mouth and sang “Wind Beneath my Wings.”  All adults around had their jaws drop.  I said “You are obviously trained.”  She told me that one of the community  centers offered voice, and that she took it.  But her talent goes deeper than her training. It was almost in her soul.  We clapped, and again she fixed my hair.  She had a beautiful smile.  She said “My Daddy used to have girlfriends.  Some of them were mean and some weren’t.  But most were.  Then Daddy started drinking.”  She went on to tell me she has been abused in the worst possible way for about a year and that her father told her if she told he’d hurt her mom.  She didn’t for a year, and when she finally did, her mom didn’t believe her for almost two weeks.  “Daddy’s in jail now.  I love my Daddy.  That’s the songs I was telling you about me writing that make me cry.”  As we left that day I thought “What in the world can I possibly say to this girl?”  I told her that God had a special plan for her life, and that I’d pray for her, and begged her not to settle for something less than what God had planned.  We left. 

 

Holly asked last night during our share time what we were taking away.  For me one of the things is the excitement about Heaven. You see when we serve God on Earth there are always distractions.  Drama, money, lack of sleep, temptation, fear, sickness, selfishness, and on and on and on.  In Heaven we will serve God in whatever way best suits His will.  I can’t even imagine how wonderful it will be to serve God the way that He wants and we want, with absolutely no distractions.  How exciting. 

 

Proverbs 21:30

There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord.   

 

Shout out to my former roommates-Holly, Megan and Lori!!

And shout out to my track leader Ashley B!

I’m a bit nervous.  Next week while we are at M-Fuge, my mother will have to be completely responsible for Chloe for her recital.  This is NOT a simple task for so many reasons, one of the many being hair and make-up.  I was a girly-girl and wanted to wear make-up when I was about two years old.  Chloe isn’t real into wearing bright red lipstick.  There’s a bit of a generation gap that will be going on next week.  My mom remembers “putting my face on” for recitals 31 years ago.  Bright red lipstick, made up almost like a clown.  Well, I’ve seen different levels of make-up going on at recitals in the 2000s.  Chloe prefers a somewhat natural make-up look.  So, I’m not sure what will happen next week.  Let’s just both pray that it will go good, k? 

But Chloe has always had strong opinion about her clothes and hair-even if (in my opinion) they were wrong.  I try to live by the motto “pick your battles” when it comes to Chloe, but quite often I find myself insisting that she simply must not wear her hair “that way.”  The truth is when she looks what I consider unacceptable is that it will reflect on me as a parent.  So I will risk literally crushing her spirit as long as my reputation as “the acceptable mommy” is protected.  How many times have said or heard “What will people think?”  The truth is we should care what God thinks, but I have allowed “What will people think?” to override what God thinks many times.

Are you living your spiritual life this way?  Let me tell you what I mean.  If you have a friend, who is a Christian, but they are involved in something considered wrong by a part, or maybe even most of today’s church, what do you do?  My tendency is to distance myself from a person if I feel that someone in my church might mistakenly think I approve of their behavior.  Heaven forbid!!! 

Let me share with you what the Bible a.k.a. The Word of the Living God says about all this:

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%2014-15;&version=65; 

If I, if you, lived our lives according to this scripture, we would see our individual lives as well as our church explode in the grace of Christ.  But, this scripture was written 2000 or so years ago, so this is not a new concept.  I suppose that there will continue to be those who decide that the Kingdom of God is mostly about rules of regulations.  What a shame.  But, I’m refreshed and encouraged as I realize it’s not only ok with God for me to continue to be friends with my fellow brother who may have different beliefs in acceptable and unacceptable, it’s an instruction.  How freeing!  The Christian life isn’t about what you can’t do because you’re a Believer; it’s about what you can do- because you’re a Believer. 

This is highly unfair to you.  I’m going to go back since Friday.  These past few weeks have been so stressful that I didn’t even want to acknowledge how jam packed they were, for fear I’d become discouraged.  Well, more discouraged.  Now that it’s over I can tell you about it.

Friday-After work, we went to the funeral home because my uncle’s mom passed away.  While at the funeral home, we decided to hang out with Holly and Richard at our house.  They stayed until about 11:00, I think.  We talked about lots of things, some deep, some not.  Holly and Mark played Wii.  Well, Richard and I played too, but it was clear who was competitive and had a real chance at winning, and who did not.  (You figure the rest)  Adam came home so he’d see his “sista” graduate.

Saturday-I must give this day numbers, or maybe bullets as to not confuse you, because this day had so much.

1. Graduation

Meagan graduated at 9:00.  I was a bit surprised because one second hearing the music and seeing them, I started crying.  When she walked across to receive her diploma, I had to give Mark the camera because I was shaking so much.  My mom was so hot she took off her layering shirt, and exposed her sleeveless arms, which made me laugh.  In our family, once we hit 30, we always keep our sleeveless arms under wraps.  Meagan took pictures with her family and her friends for a long time.  We went to On the Border to eat.  I love “Guacamole Live.” Next time you go, get that.

2. Party

Before the graduation Chloe said “I wish I could go to Sydnee’s Party.”  I said “What party?  You weren’t invited.”  “Yes I was.”  She gave me the invitation, which said “RSVP by 06/06/08” (the day before).  But, you know how we mom’s are, I said “OK, let me call and see if I can work it out.”  Her mom said Chloe could still come.  So, after we ate, we rushed home, Mark made her a card on the computer, and wrote a check because we had no time.  This really bothered Mark because of the insincerity involved in writing a check to a 9 yr. old.  But, I explained to her mom, and she understood.

3. Funeral

I went to my uncle’s mom’s funeral.  It was at 3:00.  I was home at I think 5:00.

I didn’t get anything accomplished after that even though I knew I needed too. 

Sunday must have numbering as well

1. Morning service. 

I taught SS, and then Greg B. filled in for Roger.  Such a powerful passage that he taught on.  A certain verse spoke to me BIG TIME.  I may bring that out in a day or two in a blog.

2. Packing

After the morning service I had to pack for me and Chloe for 2 ½ days.  This wasn’t such a big deal, yet it was.  I packed her enough stuff to move in with my mother for a year.  What’s my problem?  I ended up throwing my stuff in very unorganized.  (I must not do this for M-fuge!)

3. Kyle Matthews

This is a person that deserves an entire blog, and he will get one in the next day or two.  But anyway, Kyle was to be at the church at 4:30, so I wanted to be there when he arrived, and I didn’t want to leave until he left.  The concert was so wonderful, and Kyle is so genuine, so approachable.  He leads many creativity workshops at colleges and churches all over the country, but many in our area, and I’m really hoping he can come back to Chapel Grove. 

4. Driving to UNCG

After Kyle left, I think at around 8:00ish, we left for Meagan’s college orientation at UNCG.  We stopped at Jack-in-the-Box for a quick bite and headed off.  Adam didn’t leave as he’d originally planned in the day so that he and Meagan could ride together until we took our exit. We got a little lost, but Mark found our hotel.  It was about 11:00.  We were dead tired by this stage in the weekend. 

Monday-Tuesday was college orientation at UNCG.  I am so glad that we went when we did.  This was the first session.  This was the beginning of the summer, so Meagan now can look forward to school, instead of dreading the unknown if we’d waited until the latter part of the summer.  It’s kind of funny, when we started looking at dates to go I said “We can go any date, except June 9^th and 10^th” because I knew Kyle would be at the church the 8^th and it would just be too hard.  Meagan said “Oh, that’s when my friend is going, and so I thought we could go the 9^th and the 10^th.”  As soon as she said that’s when people would be there that we knew, I said “Oh, absolutely, it’ll be fine.” Mark and I like the school a lot, and I think Meagan does too. Funny how 17,000 students is considered a small school, but it is.  When people say school is a fortune, that is a true statement.  At Chapel Hill you sort of group everything in a lump bill, and they send it to you to be paid by at a certain date.  With Greensboro, the laptop(don’t even ask), and parking ( $285.00) plus books (probably $400 or so) must be paid separate.  She’ll also need a micro-fridge.  But I’m praying now for later.  See what most of us do is say “There’s nothing left to do but pray.  All I can do now is pray.”  People, praying should be the first thing we do.  We missed field day at Chloe’s school as well as awards, but my mom took her and Mark’s dad when to one, and his mom the other.  My mom fainted Monday from the heat, and it sounds like quite an ordeal occurred, but she’s ok.  I’d like for her to be checked by a Dr. Tuesday Chloe won several awards.  She won the AR award for reading and we’re very proud of her.  She and Meagan both take after Nanny Vickie about reading.  Well, I take that back, Chloe said she doesn’t like to read-she just wanted the trophy.  Meagan is considering English as her major, and  I believe she’d do very well.  She joined some book thing yesterday, and they gave her a book.  By the time we got home, she’d read about 130 pages. 

So now, I’m praying and preparing for M-fuge.  We leave early Monday morning.  Mission trips are so great because for that time period your primary focus is drawing closer to Christ through service to others.  I’m praying that people’s lives will be changed. 

Gotta go now, it’s 1:30 in the afternoon, and I think I’ll take a nap.  Yes.  I’m at work. 

Remember the movie Back to the Future?  I'm really only talking about the original, I don't even remember seeing the others.  In the movie the Marty McFly's family are blue collar workers struggling to make ends meet, under the oppression of Biff the owner of the company Daddy McFly works for.  Marty travels back in time with a time machine and changes his future.  

Well, I'm gonna go back in time a few days.  Holly told about our weekend together, so I guess I can talk about it too.  I don't like to share too much about private matters of others without getting there ok, unless it's Mark, then I don't care.  Now you know I'm kidding about that last comment!! Or am I????????????????  Anywho, Holly and a group of girls stayed with her Friday night.  The reason that we stayed wasn't good, but we had a good time.  Why does it so often take a situation like crisis to bring us closer?  Why did it take Holly being home alone with her daughters because Richard is staying at Janice's (who is dying) for us to say "let's have a sleepover?” But we had a fun night.  Nothing too heavy, nothing very intellectual going on.  Just eating, laughing, being silly and cramming into the smallest room to sleep.  Every time I'd say "I'm tired, I've got to go to bed."  (Which I think started at about 9:30) everybody would scream "Gina, no!"  I think about 3+ hr. later we moved into the red room.  We fell asleep about 2:30, and I'm not quite sure when Chloe and Rebekah fell asleep.  They were still laughing out loud at 2:30.  Rachel and Ali conked out the earliest.  Rachel is 6, but  Ali is 16.  Go figure.  The next morning Holly and Rich were making plans to go to Chuck-E-Cheese and Chloe begged to go.  So, I said "OK."  We went home, cleaned up and headed out.  The fact that I could even function is amazing, but I was fine.  Chloe and I were on I-85 heading towards C.E.C and an 18 wheeler came into out lane and we had to go into the very small shoulder, and I know what almost happened.  I tried to remain calm, but shook for a while.  So I want to publicly praise God for protecting us.  Holly and I just talked and the kids played and played.  We went to the pet store and toy store and then to Janice’s.  I had wanted to visit, but decided not to until she was ok with it.

When I got there and went in her room I wasn't sure what to expect.  A week before, Janice was in the hospital and it appeared she wouldn't leave the hospital.  But when I walked in she looked very good, and I was almost confused.  She looked so calm.  She looked so much better than she had in so long.  We chatted for a while and then Holly came in and suggested I sit down, so I did.  Janice and I didn't do too much mindless chatter.  We talked about her, in detail.  This is what she told me.

"Gina I know that God rescued me from the jaws of death.  The night that I was dying, I asked God to let me come back long enough to thank Dr. Murphy for all he had done for me.  The next morning when I woke up I told Dr. Murphy what I'd asked God. Dr. Murphy said 'Janice are you ready to meet Jesus? I said yes.  He said it again like he really wanted me to be sure.  I said 'YES! I'm ready.' 'OK.  Can we call hospice in.?'  I told him yes. I'm gonna do this the right way this time.  Gina this is not a bad thing.  Gina this is a good thing.  I've been thinking about this Gina.  You know all the things down here that I've wanted to do, like run in a meadow, walk through a field and pick flowers, and play with animals, Gina I think in heaven God might allow me to do these things!  You know I've felt so much love.  The love of Jesus, the love of all the people visiting.  My grandkids are here with me.  Psalm 23 says death is a shadow, Jesus has conquered death.  Gina don't forget my story.  Tell my story."

Oh my darling lady, you will not be forgotten by any person who's encountered you.  This story has so many layers and is deeper than many know.  If Janice would've died in the hospital, there wouldn't have been any closure for her family, her grandkids.  She made peace with one of her sons that had chosen to not be in her life for a while.  She told him, "Son, we don't need to worry about rebuilding.  We need to love each other from today on.  I love you and I know you love me."  Do you realize the gift that woman gave her son?  He would have lived with guilt probably the rest of his life.  But she released him from that.  I told Janice she looked so good.  More peaceful than I had seen her in years. "I've fought for too long Gina."  My goodness how wonderful God is.  He has allowed this situation to become all about Him.  The Bible says that in heaven the first will be last and the last will be first.  In this life Janice has been last.  I believe the Bible.  So, in heaven Janice will no longer be the struggling mom, and the sick grandmother, she’ll be first. 

So my back to the future isn't quite Marty McFly's.  I'm choosing to remember Janice, and hoping that her memory will influence my future.  I've seen the transformation of a person not because of a change in her circumstance, but because of a change in her trust.  What would happen to me, what would happen to you if we trusted God 100%?  Would our facial expressions change? Would our anxieties disappear?  Would our peace return?  We will never know if we don't try. 

One last thing.  Rebekah wrote an article in the Gaston Gazette.  Well actually it's an entry for her Dad to be named "Dad of the Year." In it, she talks about everything that Richard is doing for Janice.  I’m gonna post Holly’s email telling how we can all vote for her.  Thx.

“Hey everyone! Rebekah wanted to enter Richard in the world's greatest dad contest on the gazette website. So we did it, and it’s kinda late in the game, but I couldn't tell her no. Go to www.gastongazette.com and click on the world's greatest dad page (front page) and go to the second page and read her sweet lil story and vote for Richard:) Thanks Holly:”

Psalm 23

A David Psalm

 1-3 God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.
   You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
      you find me quiet pools to drink from.
   True to your word,
      you let me catch my breath
      and send me in the right direction.

 4 Even when the way goes through
      Death Valley,
   I'm not afraid
      when you walk at my side.
   Your trusty shepherd's crook
      makes me feel secure.

 5 You serve me a six-course dinner
      right in front of my enemies.
   You revive my drooping head;
      my cup brims with blessing.

 6 Your beauty and love chase after me
      every day of my life.
   I'm back home in the house of God
      for the rest of my life.

The weekend was really, really good.  Staying up late, being silly and laughing.  Eating way, way too much.  Visiting Goudy (which I plan to talk in depth about over the next day or two.  Sunday, started off a bit bad.  Let me explain.  Mark used to leave me every Sunday.  He likes to be at church no later than 9:30, which is five minutes before I usually leave.  I've really tried to do better, and he's really tried to be more patient.  Yesterday he had to be there to take the grill for the cook-out, so he and Chloe left and I didn't have that normal sense of "I gotta hurry, I gotta hurry." Plus, Chloe was going home with Nanny Vickie because Mark and I had to be back at church at 2:00, which meant even though Chloe said she didn't need a change of clothes, if I didn't have the "just in case" change of clothes, Nanny Vickie wouldn't like it.  So, I sped to church and arrived at 9:50.  I ran up the stairs as fast as I could, turned the corner trying to avoid all eye contact with people, then BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The eyes of our ever so punctual pastor staring at me!   My heart starts pounding!  It's hilarious.  I know he loved every minute of it!  But, after that, it was all good. 

Sunday morning the graduates were recognized.  Meagan cried, but tried to remain composed.   The group of ladies sang the song that we sang for the Sonflowers in Bloom program. We were sitting in the choir loft while the graduates were recognized.  I could only glance at Meagan, because I didn't want to lose it, and I was very close.  We sang and when we were through singing, I was putting my mic in the chair and nobody else was.  I realized shortly after that the "Sonflowers in Bloom Praise Team" was going to help lead worship!  I'm so teasing, about our name, but we did stay up there, and it awesome, but not because we were up there, because God was in the house!  The only problem with the entire thing, is sometimes I sort of get in my own little world.  What I mean is, I'm not very good with interacting with others on stage. Like if the group sort of pulls in together in a circle, I will often be to the side with my eyes closed, unaware that the circle has a gaping hole. But again, The Spirit was so there, and it was good.  Sunday morning was on the commandment "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you."  Exodus 20:12 Oh, this was gonna be so good.  This was where Roger was going to tell my kids to clean their rooms!  Well, he definitely instructed my children on godly obedience, but I was shocked to learn that this doesn't end at 18 yr. of age!  I tell you the entire service was strong.  People were doing business.  

We rushed home and rushed back a lil' after the time were supposed to be back at 2:00.  Go ahead Roger, I hear ya laughing.  Sunday night was the youth-led service as well as parent meeting beforehand and a cookout that Vision was to cook serve and clean up.   It was a little bit crazy.  I was sort of going round in circles.  Ashley Black and I were doing the skit we did at Sonflowers, so we needed time to practice.  Well, for a long time the only two there were me and Ashley.  But, right on time, people started filtering in and they made it happen, and allowed Ash and I time to get those weird headpieces mics on.  Oh I have to share this; it will shock you to know that I, in the 95 degree heat made a thermos of coffee and took it with me.  People were saying "What?!  Do you have coffee?!"  But, Holly wanted a cup and when Jill saw that I had some, I saw her eyes light up.  I offered, and she accepted.  I love understanding and being understood!  The service was great.   Ya, I'm a little partial 'cause some of my favorite people were involved.  Meagan spoke, and it was powerful.  She spoke from her heart.  She exposed wounds that are healing, healing in a spiritual way, not a bitter one.  I want Meagan to know that she has every bit of my ok to be honest about her life.  It's so exhausting to keep up that "How are you?" "Fine.  How are you?"  "Fine" game.  She has my blessing to never do that.  I'm not saying struggles are gone for Meagan, and she wasn't saying that either.  She's saying that I'm struggling, but God is with me.  The Focus band led us and it was so genuine.  Oscar, Derrick, and Spencer also spoke, and then Richard.  He was awesome.  He talked about the legacy that we as adults, as parents, grandparents, mentors, and teachers are leaving on these children.  A legacy of______________________??  You are filling in the blank.  Whether you know it or not.  Whether you want to or not, you are.   

So, after the two services my realization of the day changed.  I thought it was going to be about the benefit of me.  How my kids should do things for me.  But after my heart listened, I changed my perception of the message God wanted me to hear.  What can I do to guide my children to Christ?  It is my responsibility.  I heard Roger say that your home life impacts your church life. Many people have this very mixed up.  We put the rearing of our children in the hands of the church and youth leaders and Sunday school teachers, and that's not right.  I believe you can not expect your children to live any higher than the standard you are willing to set.  It's not about the past, it's about today. I also learned that "Honor the Father and thy Mother, until you are 18" is not in any translation of the Bible.  

MMMMMM................................. 

Last night I went to church and sort of hung out with the youth leaders and the few youth who will be speaking and singing Sunday evening at the youth-led service.  When Holly asked me if I was going to come I decided pretty quickly that I would. I am trying to embrace the fact that I feel most fulfilled when I am doing ministry related and church things and being around people who share a passion for Christ.  If I would stayed at home, I would have piddled around and gotten nothing accomplished and felt very bummed about it.  Instead I was at church talking and laughing, and helping stuff envelopes.  Chloe got to play with Rachel, Rebekah and Luke and had a blast.  I know Richard was glad to be back in church, even though it wasn't on Sun. or Wed. night.  He's drained. Their entire family is.  I just could tell he was glad to be there.  We got home at around 9:30.  Chloe's had a lil' allergy stuffiness this week.  So, after playing outside last night she was pretty stuffed up when we got home.  We gave her some allergy medication and she went to bed.  She sleep walks sometimes.  I'm thinking it's when she takes this kind of medicine that it usually happens, but it may be at other times too.   I had just really started drifting off to sleep at about 11:30 when I hear some loud noise, and couldn't figure out if it was Meagan or what.  All of a sudden the door flies open and Chloe comes in.  I set up in bed, "Chloe what's wrong?" Silence.  "Chloe what's wrong?"  Silence.  "Chloe!"  She starts talking so quietly you can't hear her, and what you can hear makes no sense.  She says something about it being too dark and she can't see.  Turns out she had picked up her clothes for school and was going to put them on.  Mark realized what was going on and said "C'mon let's get back in bed and talk about it."  He walks her to her room and is back in ours in I think about a minute. I asked him if he thought she was ok.  He said yes.  In my mind I felt like she wasn't, but somehow within I think 10 seconds, I was back asleep. Thank the Lord she actually was ok, and I laughed when she got up today and didn't remember one bit of what happened last night.  Mark's sister Debbie used to sleep walk.  One time she cut up my in-laws curtains with scissors, while sleeping!  They had to put a cow-bell on her door.  

 

---

Thank goodness that me ignoring my gut feeling didn't turn out to be a disaster, 'cause it certainly could have.  

 

This is place of the world.  Much of the world I should say.  Knowing something isn't right, but 10 seconds later saying " Casarasara. Whatever will be will be."

Isaiah 22

A Country of Cowards

 1-3 A Message concerning the Valley of Vision:

   What's going on here anyway?
   All this partying and noisemaking,
Shouting and cheering in the streets,
   the city noisy with celebrations!
You have no brave soldiers to honor,
   no combat heroes to be proud of.
Your leaders were all cowards,
   captured without even lifting a sword,
A country of cowards
   captured escaping the battle.

You Looked, but You Never Looked to Him

 4-8In the midst of the shouting, I said, "Let me alone.
   Let me grieve by myself.
Don't tell me it's going to be all right.
   These people are doomed. It's not all right."
For the Master, God-of-the-Angel-Armies,
   is bringing a day noisy with mobs of people,
Jostling and stampeding in the Valley of Vision,
   knocking down walls
   and hollering to the mountains, "Attack! Attack!"
Old enemies Elam and Kir arrive armed to the teeth—
   weapons and chariots and cavalry.
Your fine valleys are noisy with war,
   chariots and cavalry charging this way and that.
   God has left Judah exposed and defenseless.

 8-11You assessed your defenses that Day, inspected your arsenal of weapons in the Forest Armory. You found the weak places in the city walls that needed repair. You secured the water supply at the Lower Pool. You took an inventory of the houses in Jerusalem and tore down some to get bricks to fortify the city wall. You built a large cistern to ensure plenty of water.

   You looked and looked and looked, but you never looked to him who gave you this city, never once consulted the One who has long had plans for this city.

 12-13The Master, God-of-the-Angel-Armies,
   called out on that Day,
Called for a day of repentant tears,
   called you to dress in somber clothes of mourning.
But what do you do? You throw a party!
   Eating and drinking and dancing in the streets!
You barbecue bulls and sheep, and throw a huge feast—
   slabs of meat, kegs of beer.
"Seize the day! Eat and drink!
   Tomorrow we die!"

 14God-of-the-Angel-Armies whispered to me his verdict on this frivolity: "You'll pay for this outrage until the day you die." The Master, God-of-the-Angel-Armies, says so.

"4-8In the midst of the shouting, I said, "Let me alone.
   Let me grieve by myself.
Don't tell me it's going to be all right.
   These people are doomed. It's not all right." "

I love his passion when he says "No, this is not ok, these people are doomed." 

The comfortable modern day pew-filler says, "Oh, it'll work out.  They'll come eventually. Casarasara" The person who sees the truth says "Don't tell me it's all right, these people are lost!  We have to do something!"  I think the passion for the last group I described may come across to the first group I described as fanatic or sometimes even anti-social.  Because when you're passion is for winning the lost, it's tough sometimes to think about anything but that.  Because again we/they see it for what it is "It's not ok, these people are doomed.  It's not all right."

Romans 10:14-15But how can people call for help if they don't know who to trust? And how can they know who to trust if they haven't heard of the One who can be trusted? And how can they hear if nobody tells them? And how is anyone going to tell them, unless someone is sent to do it? That's why Scripture exclaims,

   A sight to take your breath away!
   Grand processions of people
      telling all the good things of God!

I pray that uppermost in my thinking will be the truth of what it means this means: "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"  Equally I pray to be confronted with the truth of what this means:

Revelation 20

The Dead Are Judged

 11Then I saw a great white throne and him who was seated on it. Earth and sky fled from his presence, and there was no place for them. 12And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books. 13The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what he had done. 14Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. The lake of fire is the second death. 15If anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire.

 

 

 

 

Holly asked me if I could combine Focus and Vision last night, simply because of everything going on with Janice.  We sort of have that understanding.  Anytime something comes up on my end, I know I could do the same with asking her to let Vision come in.  I'm going to attach the lesson I taught last night.  Maybe you need to hear it.  Read it if you think you do.

At the beginning of the lesson I passed out rubber bands and told them that throughout the lesson anytime they thought a negative thought about themselves, I wanted them to pop themselves.  They were a bit shocked at first, but then they understood. 

This lesson was sparked a few weeks ago in Sunday School when our lesson was on the story of David and Jonathan.  A story of a complete absence of jealousy in which I myself would have struggled to not be jealous.  Let’s look at the story.

I Samuel 20

David and Jonathan

 1 Then David fled from Naioth at Ramah and went to Jonathan and asked, "What have I done? What is my crime? How have I wronged your father, that he is trying to take my life?"  2 "Never!" Jonathan replied. "You are not going to die! Look, my father doesn't do anything, great or small, without confiding in me. Why would he hide this from me? It's not so!"  3 But David took an oath and said, "Your father knows very well that I have found favor in your eyes, and he has said to himself, 'Jonathan must not know this or he will be grieved.' Yet as surely as the LORD lives and as you live, there is only a step between me and death." 4 Jonathan said to David, "Whatever you want me to do, I'll do for you."  5 So David said, "Look, tomorrow is the New Moon festival, and I am supposed to dine with the king; but let me go and hide in the field until the evening of the day after tomorrow. 6 If your father misses me at all, tell him, 'David earnestly asked my permission to hurry to Bethlehem, his hometown, because an annual sacrifice is being made there for his whole clan.' 7 If he says, 'Very well,' then your servant is safe. But if he loses his temper, you can be sure that he is determined to harm me. 8 As for you, show kindness to your servant, for you have brought him into a covenant with you before the LORD. If I am guilty, then kill me yourself! Why hand me over to your father?"  9 "Never!" Jonathan said. "If I had the least inkling that my father was determined to harm you, wouldn't I tell you?"  10 David asked, "Who will tell me if your father answers you harshly?"  11 "Come," Jonathan said, "let's go out into the field." So they went there together.  12 Then Jonathan said to David: "By the LORD, the God of Israel, I will surely sound out my father by this time the day after tomorrow! If he is favorably disposed toward you, will I not send you word and let you know? 13 But if my father is inclined to harm you, may the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if I do not let you know and send you away safely. May the LORD be with you as he has been with my father. 14 But show me unfailing kindness like that of the LORD as long as I live, so that I may not be killed, 15 and do not ever cut off your kindness from my family—not even when the LORD has cut off every one of David's enemies from the face of the earth." 16 So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, "May the LORD call David's enemies to account." 17 And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself.  18 Then Jonathan said to David: "Tomorrow is the New Moon festival. You will be missed, because your seat will be empty. 19 The day after tomorrow, toward evening, go to the place where you hid when this trouble began, and wait by the stone Ezel. 20 I will shoot three arrows to the side of it, as though I were shooting at a target. 21 Then I will send a boy and say, 'Go, find the arrows.' If I say to him, 'Look, the arrows are on this side of you; bring them here,' then come, because, as surely as the LORD lives, you are safe; there is no danger. 22 But if I say to the boy, 'Look, the arrows are beyond you,' then you must go, because the LORD has sent you away. 23 And about the matter you and I discussed—remember, the LORD is witness between you and me forever."  24 So David hid in the field, and when the New Moon festival came, the king sat down to eat. 25 He sat in his customary place by the wall, opposite Jonathan, ^[a] and Abner sat next to Saul, but David's place was empty. 26 Saul said nothing that day, for he thought, "Something must have happened to David to make him ceremonially unclean—surely he is unclean." 27 But the next day, the second day of the month, David's place was empty again. Then Saul said to his son Jonathan, "Why hasn't the son of Jesse come to the meal, either yesterday or today?"  28 Jonathan answered, "David earnestly asked me for permission to go to Bethlehem. 29 He said, 'Let me go, because our family is observing a sacrifice in the town and my brother has ordered me to be there. If I have found favor in your eyes, let me get away to see my brothers.' That is why he has not come to the king's table."  30 Saul's anger flared up at Jonathan and he said to him, "You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don't I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of the mother who bore you? 31 As long as the son of Jesse lives on this earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established. Now send and bring him to me, for he must die!" 32 "Why should he be put to death? What has he done?" Jonathan asked his father. 33 But Saul hurled his spear at him to kill him. Then Jonathan knew that his father intended to kill David.  34 Jonathan got up from the table in fierce anger; on that second day of the month he did not eat, because he was grieved at his father's shameful treatment of David. 35 In the morning Jonathan went out to the field for his meeting with David. He had a small boy with him, 36 and he said to the boy, "Run and find the arrows I shoot." As the boy ran, he shot an arrow beyond him. 37 When the boy came to the place where Jonathan's arrow had fallen, Jonathan called out after him, "Isn't the arrow beyond you?" 38 Then he shouted, "Hurry! Go quickly! Don't stop!" The boy picked up the arrow and returned to his master. 39 (The boy knew nothing of all this; only Jonathan and David knew.) 40 Then Jonathan gave his weapons to the boy and said, "Go, carry them back to town." 41 After the boy had gone, David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together—but David wept the most. 42 Jonathan said to David, "Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the LORD, saying, 'The LORD is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.' " Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.

Why was this story successful??  How in the world could Jonathan be this selfless??  

Matthew 22:36"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" 37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'[b] 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'[c] 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

 If you’ll look in the story of David and Jonathon at verse 17 Jonathon loved David as himself.  In Matthew Jesus says that after loving God you are to love your neighbor, but how does it say to love your neighbor-that’s right as yourself.

Matthew 7:12 12"Here is a simple, rule-of-thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them. Add up God's Law and Prophets and this is what you get.

But what do we do if we don’t love ourselves? Here in lies the problem for many of us.  We don’t love ourselves, and we don’t expect that we deserve anything good, or are worth anything good, so that is how we portray what we give to others.    This is not just a little problem; this is a cancer eating away at the purpose God has planned for your life.

Tonight what and who is keeping you from loving yourself?  The truth of the matter is you’re being prideful. I know what you’re thinking “Wait a minute, I have low self esteem, that’s the opposite of pride.”  But low self esteem, and self hatred, and listening to what others say about you is putting your opinion and beliefs above those of God and that is pride. 

Psalm 139:13-18 13 For you created my inmost being;
       you knit me together in my mother's womb.  14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
       your works are wonderful,
       I know that full well.  15 My frame was not hidden from you
       when I was made in the secret place.
       When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,  16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
       All the days ordained for me
       were written in your book
       before one of them came to be.  17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
       How vast is the sum of them!  18 Were I to count them,
       they would outnumber the grains of sand.
       When I awake,
       I am still with you.

Male and female he created them in the image of God
(Genesis 1:26-28) 
Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth." So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. And God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.".

I have come to the conclusion that the only opinion I should care about is the opinion of God.  If the opinion of someone else doesn’t line up with God’s opinion, then God’s opinion always overrules. I’m not suggesting that any person not be in submission to their parents or authority figures.  In those situations you must see you as God does, and then know that He will guide you on dealing with parents or friends who aren’t Christians, or living outside God’s will,   But no persons opinion overrules God’s.  Are you living that way tonight? I’m not, but I want to.

This has to be dealt with.  Our relationships to others can’t be what God intended if we don’t believe we are exactly who he wants us to be.  EXACTLY.  Do you believe that tonight??  So I’m left to believe this.  Who we were created to be is who God wants us to be.  I don’t believe there is trickery on the part of God.  What I mean by that is- did God create you to be a serial killer?  Did God create you to be a drug addict? Did God create you to be cruel?  I’m tiptoeing around some things, but the bottom line is if you are involved in gross sin and it’s become your way of life, don’t tell me that’s how God made you.  What I’m trying to say is there is a clear line of right and wrong and some people will use this as a platform to sin, and that is not what I’m talking about.  God didn’t create you to sin.  If He can’t tolerate it, then why in the world would he have created you to live in it? That’s crazy I Corinthians 10: 13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. If you are having negative feelings about yourself because of sin, that’s not low self esteem, that’s the conviction of the Holy Spirit.  You’re not getting by that easy by me patting you on the head and saying “it’s ok.”

I’m talking about you.  Who you are.  Your personality.  Your appearance.  Your intelligence.  Your abilities.  Your inabilities. 

I want to stop for a minute and say this is not only about physical beauty and you’re struggle with that.  I know some of you do, and I know some of you struggle with many other things as far as how you feel about yourself. 

2 Timothy 3:7always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth.Is this us tonight? We learn this lesson over and over and over but can’t acknowledge it.

Do you have relationship problems tonight?  Do you have a problem with yourself?  Do you have problems with your creator? 

If I love others based on the love I have for myself, and I hate myself, that’s what I give to others.  Do you remember the story of Jonathon and David? We can be fulfilled in relationships and do things that in our own power and opinion of ourselves we could never do.  You will struggle in friendships, marriage, parent-child,-child-parent if we don’t accept the mystery of being created in the image of God.

You can’t be happy or experience true joy and peace, if you truly don’t believe you are who God says you are, you can NEVER be and do everything in His plan. You will stop and start a million times because every time someone tells you who they think you are, you will believe them.  The devil sends messages in the form of the people whose support you crave, and when they say something negative, we often listen and forget it’s contrary to what God says.  The flip side is happiness and true joy and peace in the middle of any situation when we do believe we are who He says we are.

 We must deal with this if we ever want to get beyond spiritual infancy.  There are times we will be alone except for God, but it’s better to alone with God then surrounded by the support of everyone but Him.  Are you putting the approval of others and yourself above what God says?

Tonight I want us to realize that when we say “God you made a mistake.  God I’m no good.  God you couldn’t be pleased with your creation of me” we’re calling God a liar.  We are.

 I want you to gather every negative thing that you think of yourself, or others have told you and you continue to believe and bring it to Him.  If you have low self esteem because you’re in sin, bring it to Him.  I want us to pray tonight, and you can bow if you want, but please do real business with God tonight. 

Throughout the lesson I could see people popping their rubber bands.  Some over and over. After the lesson, I had the lights dimmed, and we played music.  I encouraged us all to deal with not loving ourselves.  People came forward.  Some knelt.  Some sobbed.  When it was over, many had their hands lifted. 

But that was last night, and this is today.  I told them all that we may have to get up every day for the rest of our lives and remind ourselves God loves us.  That's ok.  I encouraged them to wear their rubber bands and use them when those negative thoughts come in.  

Do you love others as yourself today?  Or do you hate others as you hate yourself?  Or do you criticize others as you criticize yourself?  Or do you expect the impossible from others as you expect the impossible from yourself?  Deal with this today.  You have to. 

One last thing I said last night, "If we believe we are who God says we are, shouldn't the expression on our face change?? to

Our hearts are breaking right now. Janice (Richard's mom) it appears (unless God chooses to intervene) will be leaving for eternity soon.  Richard and Holly as well as their children, Janice's other family members and Janice will be embarking on an entirely new life for this last part of hers. She wants to die at home.  Someone will have to be with her at all times.  24x7.  There are about 4 or 5 people taking this task on.  Two being Richard and Holly who will see very little of each other.  I don't have the wisdom to know what to pray.  So, I'm praying what's in my heart and asking God to do whatever is His perfect will.  Rachel and Rebekah will no doubt need our prayers.  I remember when my mamaw passed away, I was grown (33) but I was still crushed.  I knew she was in heaven, but I also knew I wouldn't see her until I was in heaven.  Rachel and Rebekah are 10 and 6 and Janice has been very involved in their lives on a daily basis since each of their births.  Please lift them up. 

We spent the entire weekend in preperation for yesterday.  Meagan's graduation party. Mother and me and Chloe headed out Saturday.  We ordered trays and bought drinks and lots of other stuff.  Sunday we decorated (no evening service).  We put out pictures from birth up until now on each table.  Yesterday was just flat out crazy. But, when 5:00 rolled around, we were ready.  My father-in-law had a huge poster made of Meagan that said "Meagan grows up" with pictures of her from birth until now.   She invited our youth group and some friends from her school. Her family came out to support her in full force, including Adam who came home from college.    I think the funniest thing from the entire night was when I was welcoming everyone and started boo-hooing, and my lil' cuz Miles started making fun of me.  It helped me get my crying under control.  I think everyone had a good time, most importantly Meagan.  I have to thank my mother.  She and I were together for three days in a row constantly and she really worked hard to help me. I have to thank Mark who put up with my "not nice" moments for three days as well as put up every bit of the stuff when we got home. Now you might think that was a simple task, but it was not.  Megan Blanton helped out from literally 12:00 until the party was over and beyond.  Tracy T. and Leah also helped clean up.  Thank you to them as well as every person there as well as every person who's impacted Meagan. I said it last night and I'll say it again, I can't take credit for the person Meagan is.  God's has flooded me with mercy in the young lady she's become.  

Proverbs 27:23

 23 Be sure you know the condition of your flocks,
       give careful attention to your herds;

Last night I was talking to Meagan's uncle Kevin.  Thanking him for the impact he and Meagan's aunt Stacie have had on Meagan's life.  He talked about how much time he felt has went by so fast.  He's in the Air Force and has been gone quite a bit, for not only Meagan, but things in his own three children's lives.  I told him that I believe they know our hearts.  They know if we are doing are best.

So as I'm thinking about letting go, and looking ahead, I want to know the condition of each and every person God wants me to have any sort of an impact on.

God help us all,

Amen 

 

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