Gigi's Blog

I’ve told you before I have TMJ.  You know, that thing where your jaw pops all the time, and your mouth hurts.  It can be triggered by most activities I participate in on a regular basis-caffeine, stress, sleeping with your face buried in a pillow.  I used to chew gum and eat ice, but now I know better.  Last week it was really bad.  It was Chloe’s birthday.  You know me…………….party overboard.  Decorations that take the time of a 500 guest- list weeding.  Food fit for the culinary tastes of any high end event like this.  Goodie bags and prizes so each child would hopefully remember this party as a favorite of the 100 million they will attend in their life.  I know, I’m kinda dumb.  By Saturday post party, every bone in my body hurt.  My feet throbbed.  Sunday after Sunday school, Mark and I spent the entire day together.  It was our 12^th anniversary.  But before we left I told him I had a dreadful headache, and had for several days.  I’m not sure why we describe certain headaches as being in our backs and necks, because my neck isn’t my head, but that IS how I described it.  I did feel better after some migraine headache stuff.  I started putting two and two together because my jaw and mouth really hurt too.  I figured out it was most likely me grinding and clinching my jaw unconsciously over the days that had led up to Chloe’s party.  You know I really don’t know why in the world I allow myself to do this.  Get so worked up about everything.   New American Standard Bible (©1995)Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. << Philippians 4:6 >>  It’s not just “wow, I shouldn’t do this.”  The Bible says “don’t do this.”  So, I started really massaging and opening my jaw yesterday, looking like a totally goof.  I realized my jaw is really out of line.  So, I go to the best medical advice that I can find-the internet.  I read some stuff and last night I determined that I will no longer sleep in the same position I’ve slept in for the past 37 years.  I’m not going to sleep on my right side on the edge of the bed, with my head buried in a pillow, with the covers pulled over my head ‘cause that (supposedly) may have had something to do with all of this.  I lay in the bed on my left side-uncomfortable but determined.  After a few minutes Chloe walks in our room and stares at Mark and says nothing, which means she’s sleepwalking.  I take her back to her room and make a bathroom trip and head back to bed, turned on my left side.  Lay there, uncomfortable.  My left arm hurt.  My pillow doesn’t feel right.  Afraid if Mark turns over he might elbow me.  Finally…………….I’d had it.  Maybe tomorrow night I can do this, not tonight.  I turn to the right side of my bed, fall quickly asleep, and wake up with a tight jaw and headache.

I had to go to the Dr. yesterday for some blood work.  While there I asked him “What can I do to relieve tension?”  “Well, eat 3 times a day; get plenty of sleep and exercise.”  “Oh, never mind then.  What else ya got?”

“I just don’t know what to do.”  You ever say that.  Boy I do.  And I often have people who say that to me, and even ask me what they should do.

See, I can find answers to my problems if I look.  I can find answers to my spiritual questions and problems if I look.  Bible in Basic English
And you will be searching for me and I will be there, when you have gone after me with all your heart. << Jeremiah 29:13 >>  The first step is finding an answering-looking for one.  Looking through the means you have.  I can’t seem to recall one time that a physician called my home and said “excuse me; I just had a feeling you might be sick.  Let me give you some medical advice.” I had to call him, or make an appt.  God says that when we look for Him we’ll find him.  He’s not playing hide and seek and trying to win against us.  We often times allow our stress to turn into spiritual lethargy.  Been there??  Ya, me too.  Just existing.  Just waiting for our “check in the mail” or “clean bill of health” without as much as getting up, or opening our Bible, or falling on our face before God.  God could do it that way, but thank goodness He doesn’t.  If He did, we would continue in our childish thinking.

“I just can’t stop.  I can’t change.  I’ve been doing it this way too long.” How ‘bout that one??  Ya me too.   For me to do the things I know I need to do, to be at my best, will require painful change. Change that will cause headaches, require discipline, determination and a complete understanding that I must totally depend on God.  I will most likely be misunderstood by some people.  I will be called weak because I haven’t already changed.  I will be called a conformist because I am changing.  I will probably fail more than I succeed for a while.  Earthly odds stacked against me. 

But, it is not impossible.  Most people don’t like change.  They become angry when change is on the horizon.  I mean I have and sometimes I do.  But I am praying for God to change me.  I want change.  Did Jesus change anything??  He changed everything.  He changed the way things had been done.  I believe that is an earthly pattern for our lives.  He constantly faced opposition, and struggle. But unlike us, he continued in joy and hope and determination and love.  Godly confidence.  It’s not only ok to have that kind of confidence, I think it’s necessary.   

New American Standard Bible (©1995)
For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus << Philippians 1:6 >>  The same old same old we’ve always done it this way attitude isn’t working.  God won’t allow it do work, because He never intending our growing to stop until we meet Him face to face.

I know this seems so overwhelming and impossible.  It is.  Alone that is. But you’re not alone and I’m not either.  God wants us to realize the impossibility of true life outside of Him.  Do we??  We will be called rebels and who know what else.  But remember………Jesus was too.

Oh how may "hang-ups" do I have?? To infinity and beyond (as Buzz Lighyear would say).  So, I ache with a true understanding of all this.  I have a real hard time when people act like they really understand, when the really don't.   But Jesus understans better than I do.  He didn't have hang-ups.  But he took on earthly flesh so he could understand why we fall prey and give in.  He took on sin at the cross and so he understands that guilt and shame that Satan throws at us.  He hung on the cross to experience the feeling of complete aloneness when He said "Father, why have you forsaken me?"  He understood unanswered prayer when he said "If it's possible, let this pass."  None of this was coincidence.  It was so that he would understand and because he is our lawyer up in heaven against the accuser of the brethern himself.  Isn't the best way to learn by doing?  It is for me.  It was for Jesus. He experienced every feeling that you have every felt or will ever feel.  Every hurt.  Every hope.  Every prayer.  Every need.  Every pain.  We are not alone.  

Dear Famous One,

We call out to you today.  We bow before you and ask that with your gentle kind hands you will change us and continue the work you have started.  We know that every word you have spoken is for us.  We pray that we will be strengthened or softened or formed or broken or whatever you know is best as you do your work in us.  

We praise You.  We love You.  We trust You.

Amen 

Saturday we went for a long day trip.  To Chapel Hill to hear Adam sing.  We had to pick Meagan up at UNCG.  We wanted to eat with him, so we had to get there early.  We left our house at 12:30 Saturday afternoon, and got home 2:30 Sunday morning.  Not kidding.  But, it was fun, and Adam did a great job. 

During our down time in the afternoon we were walking around with Meagan and I remembered she’d told me she has suffered from heartburn for days.  She said she’d taken TUMS, but to no avail.  I told her we’d go in Suttons on Franklin St. and get her something stronger. After she took the medicine, she felt better.

I’ve had heartburn before.  Sometimes it feels like you’re having a heart attack. I tell you I’ve heard such opposite things on how to treat it.  The bottom line sometimes is don’t eat junk food-uh that might be a problem.  Cut back on my coffee???   UHHHHH………………..

When you have heartburn you want it gone quickly.  You don’t want that feeling.  That’s what our sermon was on yesterday in church.  “Holy heartburn.”  But the point is that we don’t, or Roger was telling us we shouldn’t want to get rid of it.  In fact the problem is most of us don’t have it.  He’s right.  That burning feeling and passion is something that the majority of today’s organized church tells us to quickly take a spiritual Pepto chill pill to soothe and stop any feeling of hotness for God. 

Roger said that many people in the church have their heads hung low, dragging from one thing to another, so that their spiritual things-to-do list gets accomplished.  All the while they are complaining, miserable, unhappy. 

When we forget The Reason we do things, especially inside the church, that makes God gag. 

Yesterday in Sunday School we talked about the day of Pentecost.  Acts 1:4⁴On one occasion, while he was eating with them, he gave them this command: "Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about.  What Jesus said was “You may want to leave.  You may have plans that you think are right, but until you hear and receive from the Father-wait.” 

We have taken our relationship with God and watered it down to knowing about Him, without knowing Him. We put in the things we like and prefer and assume that God’s on board.   He’s sick of it.  

Amos 5 Time to Face Hard Reality, Not Fantasy

 ^18-20 Woe to all of you who want God's Judgment Day!
   Why would you want to see God, want him to come?
When God comes, it will be bad news before it's good news,
   the worst of times, not the best of times.
Here's what it's like: A man runs from a lion
   right into the jaws of a bear.
A woman goes home after a hard day's work
   and is raped by a neighbor.
At God's coming we face hard reality, not fantasy—
   a black cloud with no silver lining.

 ^21-24"I can't stand your religious meetings.
   I'm fed up with your conferences and conventions.
I want nothing to do with your religion projects,
   your pretentious slogans and goals.
I'm sick of your fund-raising schemes,
   your public relations and image making.
I've had all I can take of your noisy ego-music.
   When was the last time you sang to me?
Do you know what I want?
   I want justice—oceans of it.
I want fairness—rivers of it.
   That's what I want. That's all I want.

 ^25-27 "Didn't you, dear family of Israel, worship me faithfully for forty years in the wilderness, bringing the sacrifices and offerings I commanded? How is it you've stooped to dragging gimcrack statues of your so-called rulers around, hauling the cheap images of all your star-gods here and there? Since you like them so much, you can take them with you when I drive you into exile beyond Damascus." God's Message, God-of-the-Angel-Armies.

So if you are tempted today to use something to quench your spiritual burning for God-don’t.  Let God take you today to the place He’s waited a lifetime to show you.  He died for it.  It’s what you want.  Trust me.  No, trust Him.

“I didn’t mean to!”   How many times have you heard your child, spouse or friend say that as you scratched your head and somehow knew that weren’t being honest?? 

Intentional.  That’s the word I’ve chosen as my word for 2009.  I’ve realized that living my life without intention has caused what the Bible refers to as a fat heart (Psalm 119: 17a) and I know I need to allow God to do a work in my life in this area.

Have you chosen a word for this year??  If you have, please share it with us @ visionministry@hotmail.com or visit or site vision.chapelgrove.com

As you share, we’d love to have your fist name, last initial and city and state, and the reason for your choice. 

Proverbs 29:18a Where there is no Vision the people perish  

I can’t in a blog explain what I’m trying to put into words that I don’t know.  I can’t articulate accurately what happened to me.  But, I can try.

Friday was the Live Love conference in Atlanta.  Focus was going, and three Vision members wanted to go, so we went too.  I had seen some of Francis Chan on You tube, and heard about his book Crazy Love.  I was always excited, but had no idea what I was in store for.  Let me first say that I do not drive on trips.  Ever.  But, I did on this one, and that in and of itself is a big deal.  We got there Friday night several hours early and sat by the door.  Just waiting.  We finally got to go in and pretty much ran to the front.  They did an opening with some funny skits and then amazing worship with Kristian Stanfill and then Francis.  The first session that Francis taught opened with asking us if we’d ever fallen asleep while we were praying, and then he told a story about a job he used to have where he and his friend told people that Francis was from another country, and couldn’t speak English, so they could sell vacuum cleaners.  It was so funny.  Then, he went into a Revelation 4 description of who God was.  He told us that after he’d had that “aha” moment, he saw things for what they were.  He talked more, and then began to lead us in prayer.  I can promise you I had no idea, no idea what was about to happen. He reminded us of who God was and that we were indeed communicating with I Am.  I began to weep, and weep and weep.  I couldn’t stop.  I didn’t even try.  It wasn’t a weeping of sadness; it was a weeping of realization of who He is.  I have never in my life ever wept over God.  I have cried over me, and my problems.  Friends and family members and their problems.  Maybe even cried with a spirit of thanksgiving over an answered prayer.  I can assure you I have never wept because God was holy, or perfect, sinless, just, righteous and just well God.  You could hear people around you coming to the realization as they praised.  We all walked out and couldn’t believe what had just happened.  We could barely talk, and most of the women looked like they’d been in a fight because all of their mascara had run all over their face.  We went to Wal Mart and bought some junk food and went to the hotel, still almost in this spiritual awe.  I have told you before that I have been praying for a very long time about my schedule, and have felt somehow like something just isn’t right.  Logically speaking the schedule is ridiculous.  But if you know me, you know I’m not that into logic.  I know that God can strengthen and does strengthen anyone to do what He wants done.  But, since I just haven’t been able to hold onto that strength, I’ve felt as if something(s) were going to have to come off my “things to do” list.  I honestly felt as if something was going to be revealed to me in the weekend.  As I got out of the shower and got in bed, everyone in my room was asleep, and I waited to hear what God was going to tell me.  I cried out “Lord, take my list, you see it, you know.  God, you have my permission to take anything that is on this list and tell me to remove it.  God I will.”  His response in my spirit was this “Gina, you don’t understand, if you want to do what I say, if you want to truly lose your life, there is no list.  If you want my ultimate, what you need to show me is a blank piece of paper and say “God, what do you want on this list.” 

More to come tomorrow. 

Isaiah 6

Isaiah's Commission

 ¹ In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. ² Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. ³ And they were calling to one another:
       "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
       the whole earth is full of his glory."

 ⁴ At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.

 ⁵ "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."

 ⁶ Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. ⁷ With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."

 ⁸ Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
      And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

I don’t know how well you know me.  Some of you know me better than others.  But, if you know me pretty well you now that I love LOVE LOVE black olives and you know that I eat them by the can.  My love for them began when my neighbor Mr. Johnson (in Tx) brought them to me as a treat.  I thought these exotic black jewels must be what grown ups referred to as caviar, because surely they were for the rich and famous, as they were so delightful.

Mr. Johnson, Barney Johnson, was my neighbor when I grew up in Caddo Mills, Tx. Population less than 1,000 (at that time).  In my mind Mr. Johnson was always about 100.  You know how it is, when you are young, anyone over 20 is just so old.  Mr. Johnson loved me.  I remember one occasion I brought my mom flowers.  Where did I get them?  Oh, I went and just hand picked them, from Mr. Johnson’s flower bush-without his permission mind you!  I remember his son was neighbors with the boy-in-bubble.  Remember that???  It was the boy who had some type of condition that forced him to live his life inside of a bubble, and if he exposed himself to the outside world he would die.  There was a TV movie about it. 

Last night, I asked Vision to go into adult service.  (I mean, along with Mark and I)  I feel for these kids, I do.  See, what happens is they come out of a huge, and active and close youth group with an awesome room, and a band, and activities into a class with white walls (well bone) that is very small, with no decoration, no anything.  So what do they want to do??  They want to go back to youth.  But, they can’t and that is tough. So, we had a few last night that went in, some that had a bit of anxiety.  I totally, understand.  It’s really hard.  Essential Church is an amazing book that really spells this entire falling away process of this age group.  So we try to encourage them, and pray as God does whatever His will is for this group.  I know that this group has very little to no identity not only in our church, but really in a lot of churches. 

I feel, and I honestly believe Vision’s mission is to be a bridge, a joining between youth and adult.  It’s very hard.  Very hard for us right now to no what to do, or where to fit in.  I honestly believe that if we live our Christian lives, like the boy in the bubble that we miss out on our calling from God for our lives.  So, please pray for this group. I so much appreciate it.  They are discouraged, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit a bit of the same.    

I’m depressed, excuse me while I go and have a can of black olives!

Romans 5

 ^1-2By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that's not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.

 ^3-5There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!

 ^6-8Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn't, and doesn't, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn't been so weak, we wouldn't have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.

 ^9-11Now that we are set right with God by means of this sacrificial death, the consummate blood sacrifice, there is no longer a question of being at odds with God in any way. If, when we were at our worst, we were put on friendly terms with God by the sacrificial death of his Son, now that we're at our best, just think of how our lives will expand and deepen by means of his resurrection life! Now that we have actually received this amazing friendship with God, we are no longer content to simply say it in plodding prose. We sing and shout our praises to God through Jesus, the Messiah!

Do you watch Survivor?  I don’t either.  I used to.  The first year it came on I was very into it.  That was when reality TV was a new thing, not the only thing on.  Chloe was a newborn, and I was had just started back to work.  I was an emotional nightmare (not much has changed!).  Between nursing her, (which included most days during lunch), getting the two older ones to school, and trying to believe it would get easier, it didn’t take much to either set me off, or make me cry.  I remember the day of the finale I had made some kind of survivor themed cake or something, and took it to work. I was all like "Here, have a piece of my survivor cake.  This is gonna be a great day." Well, I worked with-this GUY.  He loved to call me stupid, and imply I was and never let me forget it.  When I went back to work after Chloe was born, he was still –HIM.  I did something, made some kind of mistake, and he lit into me good.  I remember crying hysterically to the point that I had to leave work, for ½ of the day.  Did I get an apology?  Hardly. He thought I was a goofus, I guess he and I both thought it.  That’s why he used me as his ever so willing target.  I was the one who believed way down deep the things he said.

If I remember correctly, you could take 1 sort of comfort, or luxury type item on Survivor.  Like a razor or something.  For me I would take a jar of Sanka instant coffee and eat.  If you know me, you understand.  If you don’t know me, just trust me.  I think one advantage of doing something like that, you would be forced to weed away what shouldn’t be there, and you’d be certain about the things that would be most important. 

I talked to Mark a few nights ago about my “feelings.”  I know that sounds to “girly”, but I am one-get over it.  I am overwhelmed.  I need to cut something(s) out, I think.  Or, I need to realize whatever it is that is keeping me from getting done what I need to do.

This is it:

1.Vision-teaching three times a week

2.Homeless-cooking monthly and now on Gaston Rescue Mission Board of Directors

                    Monthly meetings and subcommittee meetings

3.Choir-Practice weekly and then on Sunday performance

4.Unbound Ministries-meeting and speaking engagements TBA

                  Planning Mission portion of project

5.Help in Youth at times

6.Wed. night meal-monthly(which I forgot this month)

7.Work-full time

8.PTA- President

So, I would covet your prayers.  I shouldn’t be doing this right now.  I should be making folders for work.  I love writing.  I love to make you laugh, or cry, or think, or feel loved hopefully. 

In Survivor if those people would’ve been allowed to take anything they wanted with them, they wouldn’t have made it.  Think about it, that hunger drove them and pushed them.  If they would’ve had double stuffed oreos, they might have become lazy and sleepy.  Think of how heavy it would’ve been to try and carry a big screen TV.  See those things are good, but too much of a good thing would’ve been bad at that particular time.  

Are you weighted down today.  Are you the “Yes!!” boy are girl?  It’s quite OK, and I believe in the perfect will of God to say “Lord, teach me your ways.  Guide me in your paths.  What would you have me do?” 
If we would’ve prayed that in the beginning-we might not be in this situation!!

Hebrews 12:1Therefore, having so vast a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, and throwing off everything that hinders us and especially the sin that so easily entangles us, let us keep running with endurance the race set before us,

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