Gigi's Blog

This morning Chloe got up and came into my room sleepy eyed, but happy. Chloe has her Christmas musical at church tonight. I said, "Chloe I may not be home from the Dr. by the time you have to go to the church, if I'm not, put your hair in a ponytail."  Smile turns upside down and drama insues.  "Momma, I can't put my hair in a pretty ponytail, it's all bumpy when I do it." I tell her that I think she does a good job, and I like it.  She tells me she thinks it's ugly.  I tell her that I will straighten her hair, and that hopefully it will look good when she gets home, and she can wear it down.  "No, I'll get all sweaty and school."  By now, my blood preasure is rising.  "OK Chloe, do your hair however you want, I don't care.  It's your decision."  "Uh-uh, you know I can't make decisions!!"  I don't think we ever got to the exact bottom of the hair issue, but Mark will have to deal with it.  I then told her that she could where either button up Christmas sweater that she wanted to.  She said "those won't work.  Mrs. Beverly said that we are celebrating the birth of Jesus, not Santa Claus.  **Side note:  I totally understand and agree with what Mrs. Beverly is saying.  One of the sweaters has reindeer and one has a very, very small picture of Santa Claus that no one would possibly be able to see from the stage.  I told her I would call about it.  She said "Don't call Aunt Pat, call Mrs. Beverly."  Chloe is smart enough to know that Aunt Pat would say it was OK, but Mrs. Beverly would state her true feelings.  So, I called Aunt Pat (behind Chloe's back) and she said it was OK.  I don't know if I'll call Mrs. Beverly, but I probably will.  So, tonight at church, I'm not sure what you'll see my child dressed in, and I can't say what her hair might look like, but try to be nice, and I promise I'll try harder next time.

I got to work and told Peggy the entire funny story, 'cause I thought it would make her laugh.  It did.  When she finished laughing, she said "Gina she is just like YOU!!"

Proverbs 17:22  22 A cheerful disposition is good for your health;
   gloom and doom leave you bone-tired

OK, one more favor, PLEASE do not tell Chloe any of what we've discussed!

Sorry I didn't blog yesterday.  I've debated on if I should tell you all this stuff or not, but hello, it's me, so I will.  I went to my urologist last week and got a good report, and he scheduled a test for the 18th to sort of monitor me.  The next day Meagan had a terrible asthma attack.  I think the worst she's ever had, so I took her to her asthma Dr.  She told her she had to stay inside for 2 days minimum.  Meagan thought she would die without the life-support she thought necessary from her friends and going places, but she didn't.  Then on Friday, I started having pain and some other symptoms, that I knew the Dr. had told me might be reason for concern.  I had ignored any symptom up until Friday.  But for some reason Friday I shared it with my co-worker, and she told me I had to call my Dr.  I called Mark, who I also hadn't told, and we set off for the Dr.  I think part of the reason I didn't want to tell my Dr. was because I believed he would automatically say "You need surgery" and I wasn't so sure that what was happening was what he might think it was.  So I saw the Dr. and was very relieved when he said "We're going to do tests to find out exactly what's going on".  This let Mark and I breathe and has allowed us to pray and ask others to pray. My IVP is tomorrow, and I'll let you know either tomorrow evening or Thursday, God willing.  This also allowed us to focus on Meagan and also to let Chloe have her twin cousins spend the night.  Saturday I'll admit I was really tired, and I can't tell if my tired is phsyical or mental or both.  We stayed home all day Saturday even though you can't even imagine all we need to do, but I just couldn't do it, and really Mark couldn't either.  Staying home was the best thing, and I don't regret it at all.  Who knows, maybe some day I'll just give up and become a home-body, but I'm still fighting that.  Sunday was a good day, and I thoroughly enjoyed Sunday morning service.  Sometimes things are brought out in service that I've never thought of before.  Sunday morning was that way.  When Roger talked about Jesus being baptized, he said "Why did he do it?  Was is because he had to? No."   I have never pondered this before and was amazed when through this example I was reminded yet again, there's nothing Jesus wouldn't do (except sin) to show us His love.  Chloe woke up Monday throwing up, but by the grace of God she got OK, and went to school.  She wasn't even late.  She said she didn't want to miss school  Not want to miss school?  Who's kid is she anyway?  Oh yes.  Her father's.  Last night was relatively calm.  Meagan is still having some asthma issues, but I'm trying to wait a few days and see if she's better and hopefully not even take her back to the Dr.

This morning, (and every morning) I take exit 14 off of I-85 at 7:57am at the earliest. I turn left and have another light to go through.  When I approach that last light it's always red.  I have a decision to make.  Do I go full speed and assume that by the time I reach the light it will turn green, or do I slowly approach and wait for it to turn green, or do I drive as fast as I possibly can, stop slightly and then floor it when it turns green?  The answer is the latter: go,go,go,go,stop,GO! 

How are you making your decisions in life?  I hope you're not just driving right through a red light and hoping for the best.  When we don't stop and pray and ask God about our life, I think we're gonna get a "ticket" in the form form of consequences.  I have so many times  in life just went full force with something that I just knew had to be right, but it turned out it wasn't, and the results weren't good, and I found myself in a place I didn't want to be. 

Romans 12

Place Your Life Before God

 1-2 So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you

We built our house about five years ago.  (I think)  A person would think that a newly built house would be problem free for years, or at least I would (have), but now I know better.  Within the first two years we had to replace the microwave, discovered that some necessary part of the toilet had been left off, some of the drywall going up the stairs cracked, the gas logs stopped working and needed repair, and now we have dark spots in the kitchen from the toilet leaking upstairs. We've used professional help, but only when we HAD to.  Anything Mark can do, or get his Dad to help with, we've done ourselves, well, they've done rather.   

I realized this morning that this is sort of what happens when we build up walls of protection around our heart.  We are trying to do building that we are not meant, nor equipped to do.  I've been hurt in life and feel I just can't put myself out there only to let it happen again.  So my layers of protective construction begin.  But I realized that when I do this, it doesn't work, EVER.  I can't be who God wants me to be, because I'm always playing it "safe".  I become detached, and useless for the Kingdom.  I become paranoid, but with good reason, because if God's not my protector, I should be paranoid.  I see now that it's not that God doesn't want to cover me and be there for me, it's that often times I won't let Him.  I refuse to be vulnerable.  But I think my refusal is actually towards trusting Him.  I want to come before Him with a soft, pure, clean righteous heart and say "Here I am.  What would have me do for You."  But so often my heart has become cold and rigid and hard becuase I've built layers of protection with whatever building products I have available, and wonder "God, why aren't you doing things for me." Building layers of unforgiveness, defensiveness, accusations, really anything I can wrap my mind around, because when we self-protect, these are the kinds of things that we have to use.  I think that sometimes God allows hurt, and heartache, but never without reason.  But when we refuse to be a part of His plan, we miss out on whatever valuble lesson, or future blessing He wants for us.  I don't want to do that anymore. 

I don't know, maybe it's just me.

I read this story in the Bible today, and it spoke to my heart.

Luke 16

The Story of the Crooked Manager

 1-2Jesus said to his disciples, "There was once a rich man who had a manager. He got reports that the manager had been taking advantage of his position by running up huge personal expenses. So he called him in and said, 'What's this I hear about you? You're fired. And I want a complete audit of your books.'

 3-4"The manager said to himself, 'What am I going to do? I've lost my job as manager. I'm not strong enough for a laboring job, and I'm too proud to beg. . . . Ah, I've got a plan. Here's what I'll do . . . then when I'm turned out into the street, people will take me into their houses.'

 5"Then he went at it. One after another, he called in the people who were in debt to his master. He said to the first, 'How much do you owe my master?'

 6"He replied, 'A hundred jugs of olive oil.'

   "The manager said, 'Here, take your bill, sit down here—quick now— write fifty.'

 7"To the next he said, 'And you, what do you owe?'

   "He answered, 'A hundred sacks of wheat.'

   "He said, 'Take your bill, write in eighty.'

 8-9"Now here's a surprise: The master praised the crooked manager! And why? Because he knew how to look after himself. Streetwise people are smarter in this regard than law-abiding citizens. They are on constant alert, looking for angles, surviving by their wits. I want you to be smart in the same way—but for what is right—using every adversity to stimulate you to creative survival, to concentrate your attention on the bare essentials, so you'll live, really live, and not complacently just get by on good behavior

I absolutely love the part I highlighted.  Using every adversity to stimulate you to creative survival-WOW!

This weekend was hectic, but I shouldn't even mention it as if hectic has not become my family's normal.    Friday night the church staff met at Grandma Hoyt's for some of the 3fs.  I had a really good time, and enjoyed the "Bible" charades we played.  It's fun and good to get away as a group like that.  It's not that we're leaving the church behind per say, it's that the stress of Sunday's and Wednesday's as far as the logistics of the services weren't there, allowing us all to relax.  Did I say that politically correct enough?  Roger said some meaninful things that  spoke to the staff and encouraged them.  I'm not a member of the staff, but I was encouraged as well. 

Saturday was also busy.  Chloe had choir rehersal, Mark and the other youth leaders as well as Jill decoraged the float for the parade, Chloe was in Kings Mtn's parade, and Mark and I bought the rest of the items for the Sunday parade. 

Sunday was the parade.  Vision left after our Sunday School class, and then left to get the things for the parade that I had to leave at home.  Amanda Cole was a huge encourager on the drive to my house and the shelter, telling me God knew every need in our day and that He would meet it, and that if He didn't there was a reason.  She even specifically said at one point that she believed we might have avoided a car wreck, and we passed one not long after she said it!  We gave out probably 10 gallons of hot chocolate.  But not so much coffee!!!!!!!! What's wrong with people!  We waited, and waited, and waited, and waited on FOCUS to pass by on their float.  The parade started at 2:00, and they passed at 3:45!  They were 2 floats from the end!  Well, this was outside of my "plan."  I had it all mapped out.  I was going to do it differently this year.  This year I was going to have specific projects for the youth when they arrived to fill that probably 1 and 1/2 hour gap of time when they'd need somthing to do before dinner at the shelter which started at 5:00.  Mark asked me Saturday night if I wanted him to make the goody bags.  I told him no becuase the youth would do them in this 1 and 1/2 hr.  Also, they wre going to help make 600  pigs in a blanket.  It was evident by about 4:00 this wouldn't be happening.  There were 8 people with Vision.  So, it was scramble time.  All I could think about were those piggys.  I said "OK" we can't do anything until we get these going.  It was funny! But Vision (and Jackie H) rocked.  They did it, but with no time to spare.  The youth arrived within moments of the scheduled time to start.  Things were CRAZY.  Everybody was saying "What can I do?  How can I help?"  I was like a dog chasing it's tail.  But just like God, He took my chaos and worked it out.  Every wing got eaten, there were 600, and I'd say at least 550 of the piggys.  I went outside and Richard and Holly and some of the youth were interacting with the people.  I had a candle, and we sang Happy Birthday to Jesus.  I told them that's how quickly Christ's return will be, and one of them said "No, it's quicker than that."                         I Corinthians 15:51-57 

What's my problem?  Why could I sleep probably 16 hours a day?  Why do I spend most days sort of at 1/2 functioning mental capacity?  Am I lazy?  Is it my health?  Is it the devil?  Is it me?  Well, it has become harder and harder to even get up out of the bed to start my day.  That throws everything off.  I think Mark knew this morning, before he left that things weren't gonna go good unless I got up and began to function.  I didn't.  I started to wake Chloe up at 6:50.  Which would have been ok.  But she asked to sleep 5 more minutes. Not 20.  Just 5.  I went back in my room and put my make-up on.  Well, if you've seen me without make-up you'd know it takes much longer than 5 minutes to put my "face" on (as my mamaw used to say).  I went in Chloe's room and woke her up.  She had a smile that lasted about a milisecond, but turned quickly into a frown when she realized I had allowed her to oversleep.  She went into panic mode and I went into defense mode, which seems backward of how a mother and daughter should be.  She carried on and pitched a fit and I tried to help her get ready.  The thing about it is she honestly had enough time to get ready.  If she would have gotten up, put her clothes on and fixed her hair, she would have had plenty of time. But she froze as she'd already accepted she wasn't gonna make it.  We yelled and then she went downstairs to eat cereal.  She spilled it all over her clothes causing her to have to put on another outfit.  Good grief!  How I did feel like Charlie Brown!    Chloe changed and we got ready to leave.  I commented she needed to put a coat on.  "Momma, I have a coat on.  Don't you see this hoodie?"  Whatever.  My other dramatic (just like me) daughter spent Wed. night at church balling her eyes out.  I knew because there was no one in Vision, so I sat in on Focus. (Thanks Focus)  Meagan had been crying during the alter call.  I wasn't watching her, it's just that when she came up to talk to me after church, she had red eyes and red circles around her red eyes and water was coming out of her eyes.  Someone came up and joked with her that this year's upcoming Focus Christmas parade would be her last and she lost it.  I don't mean fake crying, I mean lost it.  She then proceeded to say that she didn't want to go college, and became inconsolable. Thank goodness she didn't have an asthma attack, because her asthma's been giving her problems, and I think she's lost her inhaler again.  So the house is a wreck, I mean worse than normal, and Mark will go home to the tornado and probably sigh and then straighten up.  He get's off at 2:30. 

I tell you what, I saw myself in Chloe so much today.  Worrying that I can't accomplish what I need to accomplish.  My antedote: SAA  Is it working for me?  Uh no.  Why do we do this?  What's the problem here?  I think I know at least part of it: Proverbs 29:25 The fear of human opinion disables;
   trusting in God protects you from that.  Holly and I were having a conversation about circumstances in our lives and she said "You know what Gina, can you imagine how our lives would be if we would let go of guilt?"  She's not talking about conviction of the Holy Spirit, she's talking about guilt that comes from places other than the Holy Sprit.  Guilt that comes from the past, from opinions, from just loads of what people tell me are necessary elements for me to be an acceptable human being. Matthew 11:28-30"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Oh yes Jesus.  Yes.  I'm coming.

Meagan has changed her mind, or should I say made up her mind, about college.  She wanted to go to UNC Greensboro, and a few other places but then said she thought she wanted to go to Liberty.  So, we're in a scramble to attempt to benefit from some early sign-ups incentives being offered.  I don't understand some of them I'll admit.  Some of the scholarships are a bt strange to me. One is a letter stating Meagan attends church, another is an alumni scholarship.  I called Liberty admissions because I was somewhat confused by everything (I still am actually).  I asked the lady about the alumni scholarship.  I told her that we didn't know any, except for "the famous" that have graduated from there.  She said "well, you don't have to know them personally, just get a name and address, they don't actually check it."  So, I set off in search of a name and address.  I called Roger and got a few maybes, but then Babe told me someone who works at M&M had a child who graduated from Liberty.  So we'll type a letter with the name and address of a person we don't know and get $500 per year.  It makes no sense, but any financial help is ok by me. 

You know alot of people are living their lives with this same mindset.  "As long as I know there is a Jesus, nobody's  going to check and see if I KNOW him." Not true. God checks, and His checks aren't random, they're constant.  Many people think that just because they believe there is a God that they are entitled to full benefits that are only made available to His children.  James 2:19   You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.  This vague belief of something out there bigger than you won't cut it.  Even belief in God isn't enough without acceptance. 

I see celeberities who are rich and have what appears to be the life any person would want, claim their spiritual life in abstract and it makes me want to vomit. So many unbelievers get lured by these gods of false everything.  

Don't do that.  I say this as a person who has to intentionally pull away from getting too focused on the life I think I want sometimes.    

This is yet another day of an emergency room visit several years back. 

It was the day before Thanksgiving 1998.  Mark and I had been married 1 and 1/2 yr.  I think I still grasped very tightly to the romantacized idea of life and happiness at that time.  I'm not talking about romance between a man and woman, I'm talking about marshmallow cloud puffs of constant happiness that at times we believe are attainable.  Mark had decided to call in sick on that day so that he could stay home with the kids who were out of school that day.  Meagan and Adam were 9 and 10.  No Chloe yet.  I had bragged that our day-after-Thanksgiving shopping COULD NOT include any kids, it was gonna be all adult and fun, fun fun.  I can't remember if we were having Mark's family to our house for mine and Gretel's birthday, or if I was taking food to their house for Thanksgiving, but for some reason I had went to Sam's Club (of all stupid things) to buy appetizers and things that Mark's family doesn't even really care for.  I spent money we didn't have, and came home with sort of a defense mechanism up in the form of a bad attitude.  I was ready to defend and explain why in fact we did need those brocolli and cheese quiche even if nobody liked them.  Mark definitely seemed wierd, so I assumed he was upset.  I mean, he didn't even get up off the couch.  How rude!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Well at some point he told me that he'd been having some stomach issues, all day.  I went into panic mode because he refused.  Then it started.  He would get up, pass out, then get up and say he was fine.  This happened on and off for about 4 hours.  He finally agreed to let me take him to the ER.  He didn't have a Dr.  I called my mom and told her I had to bring our kids over.  When he and I got to the hospital he passed out and I couldn't get him up.  I ran into the ER and screamed I needed someone to help me that my husband was in the parking lot passed out.  They got a wheelchair ready to push.  The door opened.  It was Mark as white as a sheet of paper.  They pushed the chair up under him and he passed out again.  I become totally hysterical.  I didn't know what to do.  I waited for probably 20 min. even though it seemed like a hundred years.  I went to the desk and began to "loose it".  They took me to another room, and I called my mom and then my in-laws who came immediately.  My father-in-law was having a dream when the phone rang that was sort of in line with what was actually happening.  The funny thing is I was begging to get to Mark and he was telling them, don't let her back here, she can't handle it.  When I finally got back there I was crying and scared and Mark was very sick. I didn't sleep any that night. Thanksgiving day was spent doing test that showed nothing.  I didn't anything that day.  Just drank coffee.  Mark's blood level was close to what could kill a person, but they didn't know why.  He got a blood tranfusion, frozen plasma, and vitiamin k.  After  the test didn't show anything, and he seemed better, they decided they would send him home.  It seemed wrong because we didn't know why this happened.  We didn't have to worry about it, he started loosing blood again.  We knew that this was life-threatening.  A Dr. called me on the phone and said his only option was exploritory emergency surgery.  He was prepped and a ton of people from family to friends were at the hospital.  Two feet of his inestine were removed in which they found a bleeding ulcer.  He was in the hospital 10 days total, and lost so much weight that he looked terrible. But the fact of the matter is that he had a brush with death.  So as I'm thinking of everyting God has done for me lately, I want to stop and remember what the Lord has done.  Through past miracles and most importantly His death. 

I have two prayer requests:

1. Richard Myers' mother is having heart problems that are most likely terminal without a transplant.

2. Ashley Dye's mother is still in the hospital.

Have a truly blessed day.

Proberbs 21:31 do your best prepare, prepare for the worst-then trust God to bring victory.

Friday night was filled with celebration and joy over the good news.  My mother and father in-law cooked for us and brought the food over.  I thought I am going to eat like I haven't in 2 months!  I got in the bed very early Friday and watched Charles Stanley, and his message on praising God, and thanking Him.  All the benefits of praising God.    Saturday morning was met with a full out "sift" by Satan.  I had insomnia Friday, and about the time I fell back asleep, Chloe started getting sick.  Mark got up with her, and I didn't even get up.  It was like between 4 and 5 o'clock.  When I did get up, I began to pray and pray and pray.  Trying to encourage Chloe, but she was really hurting.  At about 9:00 or so, she stopped, and then slept for a long time.  Mark started painting and accomplished alot, and that was a huge blessing.  In the early evening I started having chest pains.  Bad.  Scary.  I didn't say anything to Mark at first.  I went upstairs and got in the bed.  It lasted several hours and passed.  It seemed like it started after I'd eaten.  Sunday morning I was gripped with fear.  Chloe was baptized and thank God He hovered around her and gave her understanding and peace.  I sat in the service and felt in a bit of a fog, so scared I was going to start with those chest pains again.  Everyone was coming up to me to hug me, and I was pretty reserved, just from the fear.  That afternoon, I ate a few chicken nuggets, and within I'd say an hour I was in that tremendous chest pain.  I hugged 3 pillows, and after about 1/2 an hour it passed.  I went to church Sunday night for our Thanksgiving meal, too scared to fill my plate the way I wanted.  I wasn't social and happy and moving and giddy like I wanted to be.  I was mad.  I wanted to do cartwheels for Jesus, but couldn't.  Mark stayed to clean up-you know how he is about that, and when I felt too tired  I told him I really wanted to go and we did.  I was literally exhausted.  Exhausted from chest tightness, from fear, discouragement.  I had nightmares all night, and broke out in a sweat!  You know that's not me.  I came to work yesterday in a funk.  I ran to the bathroom a million times.  Was I leaking?  Was I leaking Was I leaking?  I would feel tightness in my back and think "Does my ureter have scar tissue?  Total fear.  Toally out of control.  Totally consumed. 

I remembered Dr. Stanley's sermon.  What was interesting was I had saw the sermon on praise Sunday morning again.  I always have felt when God wants me to"get" something he sends like a double validation of His point ('cause I'm slow).  So, I began to try to do a better job of praising.  I wrote a song yesterday on praise.  I usually write out of pain, so this was kind of new.  I tried to just think on His glory and majesty.  I went home, and Mark had been kind enough to take Chloe to dance, and they'd left before I got home.  I changed clothes and just sat there.  Cheryl Martin gave me a Message Bible Translation Sunday at church.  She knew I wanted one, and this was very, very exciting.  I began to read  it Monday night and got a revelation.  Matthew 10:32-33 "Stand up for me against world opinion and I'll stand up for you before my Father in heaven.  If you turn tail and run, do you think I'll cover for you?" I mean it was as if the Lord said to me, what are doing to stand for me?  Nothing.  I really had gotten in the mind set "Ok Lord.  It's your turn now to pay me back."  So, my heart changed.  I'm telling you, I woke up thinking, "stand up for Me against the world, and I'll stand up for you before my Father."   Once I had the knowlege of that, armed with what I knew about praise I had a renewed hope and faith. 

So, now what?  I am still praying, and really trusting more and hope He'll give me the grace to continue to do so.  Why do we pray?  Is it to change what God's going to do?  Does He change what He's going to do?  Many people say "no".  But, there are two stories in the Bible, that He does just that. I Chronicles 21:14-1514-15 God then sent the angel to Jerusalem but when he saw the destruction about to begin, he compassionately changed his mind and ordered the death angel, "Enough's enough! Pull back!" 2 Kings 20 (NIV)  1 In those days Hezekiah became ill and was at the point of death. The prophet Isaiah son of Amoz went to him and said, "This is what the LORD says: Put your house in order, because you are going to die; you will not recover."  2 Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the LORD, 3 "Remember, O LORD, how I have walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and have done what is good in your eyes." And Hezekiah wept bitterly.  4 Before Isaiah had left the middle court, the word of the LORD came to him: 5 "Go back and tell Hezekiah, the leader of my people, 'This is what the LORD, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you. On the third day from now you will go up to the temple of the LORD. 6 I will add fifteen years to your life. And I will deliver you and this city from the hand of the king of Assyria. I will defend this city for my sake and for the sake of my servant David.' "  7 Then Isaiah said, "Prepare a poultice of figs." They did so and applied it to the boil, and he recovered.  8 Hezekiah had asked Isaiah, "What will be the sign that the LORD will heal me and that I will go up to the temple of the LORD on the third day from now?"  9 Isaiah answered, "This is the LORD's sign to you that the LORD will do what he has promised: Shall the shadow go forward ten steps, or shall it go back ten steps?"  10 "It is a simple matter for the shadow to go forward ten steps," said Hezekiah. "Rather, have it go back ten steps."  11 Then the prophet Isaiah called upon the LORD, and the LORD made the shadow go back the ten steps it had gone down on the stairway of Ahaz.

You might feel as good as "dead" today.  But, it doesn't matter what you've been told, it doesn't matter your circumstance, God can change your situation.  I'm really trying to drop that truth the 18 inches from my head to my heart. I want to digest the good stuff He's allowed me to know:

1.He inhabits my praise. 2.If I stand up for Him before the world, He'll stand up for Me.  3. Prayer changes things.

Dear God,

I do praise you.  I pray you'll forgive me of imperfection as well as defiance, because both are short of your standard.  I thank you that I am forgiven.  God I'm looking to you today for my reader and myself.  God I pray that you will help us to resist Satan until he's gone, and help us to be motivated by the things that motivate you.  God please rain down answers of hope

In Jesus name, Amen

I had my test this morning.  Everyone was totally kind to me, and that was a blessing.  I was put to sleep and woke up and felt different, as if that pressure wasn't there.  I didn't say anything though.  As they wheeled me to recovery, a nurse said the words I'd prayed to God she would say "He didn't see any leakage, and he didn't put a stent in."  It was a miracle.  Another nurse came and I shared the story with her, and she was obviously a Christian, and almost cried and said she was so blessed by what I was telling her.  I feel like I can actually rest like as in the kind of rest when you're really ok, you're just takin' it easy.  I haven't that kind of rest in 2 months.

I want to thank you all for your prayers.  I mean it's beyond just "thank you", it's if you hadn't prayed for me I wouldn't be where I am.

I have to praise God.  It is totally Him.  Totally.  Not modern medicine, not me, it's Him. 

I want to ask you to pray for a woman who was in pre-surgery.  Her husband came in with her, which is unusual, because they don't allow anyone back there.  I couldn't see her or him very well because I didn't have my glasses.  But there was some sort of commotion, and then the Dr. went to her bedside and said "mam' you are gonna gave this surgery today, we are not going to reschedule this surgery."  She was very upset, and he more so.  He said "you have a tumor the size of a golf ball in your brain.  If you don't this surgery, you will die."  She cried and apologized, but he really was beyond wanting to hear that.  He told her the original surgery was scheduled for yesterday, and that she'd already done this once, and she couldn't postpone it again.  She told him that she just couldn't have the surgery.  He said "Then I can no longer be your Dr.  You are making a critical mistake.  YOu need to go straight to Charlotte ER, and try to find someone who will start you on chemo today.  I prayed for her.  That she would change her mind.  But no.  They wheeled her out, and I could see that her head had already been shaved.  I thought "Wow.  You would think she would have wanted the surgery if he told her she needed it."  Then I remembered, "Like the surgery I was scheduled to have, but cancelled."  Please pray for this lady.  I don't know her name or anything.  But God does.

Thank you God.

I taught last night on the scripture I blogged on yesterday.

Luke 11:37-41When he finished that talk, a Pharisee asked him to dinner. He entered his house and sat right down at the table. The Pharisee was shocked and somewhat offended when he saw that Jesus didn't wash up before the meal. But the Master said to him, "I know you Pharisees burnish the surface of your cups and plates so they sparkle in the sun, but I also know your insides are maggoty with greed and secret evil. Stupid Pharisees! Didn't the One who made the outside also make the inside? Turn both your pockets and your hearts inside out and give generously to the poor; then your lives will be clean, not just your dishes and your hands.

I told my class that Jesus was not influenced or impressed by the "sparkle".  In fact he was quite the opposite.  But we as humans often are influnced by the sparkle.  I commented that it's sort of like one of my favorite shows on TV "Dog Whisperer".  Cesar will not allow those dogs to become fixated on any one thing.  Because he knows that once that obsession in present, the dog turns into a disobedient, distracted and useless dog.  So when the dogs stare to long, Cesar forces the dog to stop obsessing.  We discussed different ways we can stop our becoming fixated on the sparkling cup.  One of the ways was in the above referenced scripture: turn both your pockets inside and hearts inside out and give generously to the poor.  We talked about prayer and study of the Word, and also not getting to close to the World's sparkle.

I had to share my own sparkling stare that had happened earlier yesterday.  I do not want to share this story with you really.  But, you know how I am.  A big mouth.  I was sitting at my desk yesterday.  Feeling restless.  Feeling stress.  Think about "things".  Questioning "What can I do to change my circustances?"  Feeling sorry for myself.  That's when I did it.  I typed in "settlements for ueter injury".  I began to pour over dollar amounts, just curious about it.  I never ever ever considered calling an attorney or anything like that.  So, what was I doing? 
I was gazing at the sparking cup.  Allowing my eyes to become fixated on something without even realizing it.  But then, thank God he revealed to me what I was doing.  And I knew that even though I was just curious, I realized it was wrong for me to even entertain this focus.  I quickly closed the screen out and asked God to forgive me and help me not to fall into that again. 

I'm sharing this with you just to say it's so easy to stare and focus on what sparkles and not even realize it. 

I pray today for us both.  That we will desire what's pure and clean and right. 

I read this morning:

I Chronicles 19:13b The Lord will do what is good in his sight.

That's all I want.

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