Gigi's Blog

I've said that quite a few times in the past week.

With me it's all or nothing, so if I cry, I'm gonna let it all out. Frankly, I probably needed to do that but I didn't.  

Last week was tough.  It felt like spiritual warfare was being waged against me, and it probably was and is right now.  By the time Friday came, I was at total wit's end.  Thank the Lord that my weekend was blessed.  Joyful Noise was the momentary getaway I needed. Saturday was the mother-daughter event with Focus. It was so good.  Holly poured from her heart, and I realized that nothing compares with sincerity.  I could hold an in-depth Bible study that means nothing to me on a personal level, and nobody would really be effected.  But you starting getting real with people, it means so much.  That's what she did.  Meagan spoke also.  That did make me cry.  She talked about our relationship and some of what she struggles with.  She was also very honest, and spoke from her heart.  I want to encourage those of you who are struggling with "life" with your kids.  I can see that Meagan knows my heart.  That I love her and my kids and am attempting to do the best I can. When I look at me all I see is failure.  All I see is a wife and mother who's done it all wrong and backwards.  But I realize that your kids aren't always looking at the outside.  Sometimes they are looking at your heart, and what motivated you, and did you or are you trying to point them to Christ.  Saturday night we went to my in-laws which was fun and relaxing.  Sunday we spent most of the day at my aunt's and it was great to just eat and laugh and hang out.

Monday rolled around and my stress and anxiety of schedules and needs represented itself, so I picked up my bag of burdens and headed out. 

      But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."

 27 The man asked him, "What is your name?"
      "Jacob," he answered.

 28 Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, ^[a] because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome."

 29 Jacob said, "Please tell me your name."
      But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there.

I think this is one of the most mysterious and powerful stories in the Bible.  I don't understand it, but I'm praying God will reveal it to me.

But let's look at the facts in the story.

1. Jacob decided he was going to fight for a blessing, and wasn't letting go until it happened.

2. Jacob received the blessing.

3. Jacob struggled with God and man and overcame

4. He got his hip dislocated

I think this could be studied for a lifetime and probably not be fully understood. 

But several questions I have are really starting to blow my mind.

Why was his hip dislocated?  Was it to punish?  Was it to see if he really wanted the blessing enough to fight for it?

He got the blessing, so he must have decided in advance he wanted it and deserved it. Otherwise, would he have went so far?  I'm wondering at what point did he decided he deserved it?

Jacob struggled with God and overcame??  This is just beyond what I can even grasp.  

And all of these questions and this entire story have left me questioning myself  "What do I believe God wants for me?" The truth of the matter is I quit wrestling for my blessings a long time ago.  I've resided to the place of existence and way down deep have known this is wrong, but yet I'm still here.  

Will you get up today and fight and wrestle and not let go for what you believe is the right thing?? I want to.

Jacob did.  Worked out pretty good for him.

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