Gigi's Blog

Do you lack enjoyment in the things that once brought you pleasure? Yes!!

visioncgbc | March 24, 2008 08:06

This weekend was a good weekend, but I'll admit I spent most of it feeling exhausted.  Friday I took Chloe to school and planned to clean the downstairs, and then take her to the mall to get a purse, look for an outfit, and take advantage of 2 gift certificates I'd been given.  One for a manicure, the other an AutoBell carwash.  The downstairs cleaning happened, and I did take her to the mall for the purse, but that was all I could do. We stopped by to get eggs to dye, but I was too tired for anything else and we came home. We dyed eggs and I'm telling you the Lord helped me 'cause I thought I was gonna fall over from being tired.   Saturday we went to the Easter egg hunt at Robert's retreat and then were going to go and eat with my family, but I got a call from Meagan who was at the Mall and had found a prom dress.  So Chloe went with my mom, I skipped lunch and met Meagan.  She got the dress, and I decided I'd try to do what I'd planned from the day before.  I looked and looked and looked.  I wanted this and that but couldn't only afford a little of this, so I went with it.  No energy to do anything else.  No manicure, no car cleaning. I went home and slept until 6:00 and then went to Rite-Aid.  I bought a B vitamin while there, 'cause I thought "I'm gonna try some vitamins, if I gain weight I gain weight, but it'd be better than this feeling."  I took my vitamin combo, and got things as ready as I could for Eater morning.  I got up at 5:30 Sunday and we got ready.  As we were leaving I asked Chloe if the Easter bunny'd brought her anything.  She shrugged her shoulders and to be honest I felt like I didn't even care if she looked or not.

Mark said that we might oughta skip the sunrise service since we only had 10 minutes to get there, but I said "No."  On the drive the moon was bright and you really felt you could imagine that first Easter morning.  When we arrived everyone had already gathered, but we went on down.  I had ran out of the door and didn't have time to get a sweater.  I also didn't have on stockings.  If you know me you know I'm one of the most cold natured people you will ever meet.  So I thought "This could be difficult."  We gathered in the group, and it literally felt like a blanket of warmth wrapped around me, it was truly miraculous.  We then went into the service and it was a wonderful morning of rejoicing that our Jesus is indeed risen! I felt better during those 2 1/2 hr. than I had the entire weekend. We left and went to my Aunt Pat's for a bit and then went home.  I told Mark I was gonna sleep until 6:00, and if I would have, that would've been ok with me, but I didn't.  I got in the bed at 8:30 and watched The Mystery of Jesus.  I'm thinking "What is wrong with me?  Am I stressed?  Am I sad?  Am I hopeless?  What is it?  Am I depressed?"  I can promise you that if I went to any Dr. and told them my feelings, they'd suggest I take "something."  I'm not criticizing any person who takes anything-well I mean that's legal.   

But I have found a certain amount of comfort in one thing, on the commercials for feeling down they say "Do you lack enjoyment in things that once brought you pleasure?"  I'm glad to say-"Yes."  Because to a certain extent I can see a tiny bit clearer some of what life is about.  The Cross-not bunnies, Baby Jesus-not Ho-Ho-Ho.  That's why when Chloe wasn't that "into" checking out what the "Easter Bunny" had brought, I was ok with it.  The quicker we left, the quicker we'd be where the real story was.  God has allowed me to go through these seasons to change me, or at least He's doing His part.  I usually kick and scream and resist for a good while.  The closer I move to Him, and away from the world, it all becomes clearer.

Acts 7:56 "Look, he said, "I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God."

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