Gigi's Blog

Last night Holly called around 6:00 to see if I would mind combining Vision and Focus again because she and Roger wanted to make sure that they would have a place to be, just in case they didn't like the idea of the "adult" Wed. night Bible study.  I didn't mind, and Mark said he'd help me.  But, I had an area of concern, a sort of major area-the lesson.  I've decided that for a while (well , until we're finished) that we will study The Purpose Driven Life in Vision.  I'm excited about it.  Well, last night was day two.  I'm literally doing each day as a lesson.  So my concern was that the group would be bored to tears by this.  But I decided this was my lesson, and God knew in advance I would be leading this group, and He'd given this to me for a reason.  On the way to church my mind eased and God spoke to my heart two songs for the end.  Lori E. came in and helped get one of the songs for the end that I needed.  Plus she was there to sit with the group.  That worked out good, because I was teaching, Mark was sort of running the sound, and then Lori was there was there to intereact. The lesson for day two was "You Are Not An Accident" and I pretty much felt like at least some of the paeople there needed to hear what I was going to teach on.  One of which being me.  Someone gave me her Bible to read the scripture that was on the front  

Psalm 138:8The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
                  your love, O LORD, endures forever—
                  do not abandon the works of your hands.

The amazing thing-she had no idea this was the first scripture reference of our lesson!!  We talked about our flaws.  Physical, character, background and whatever else.  I told them that we have to face the reality that Christ is fully aware of all this, and that he made us EXACTLY the way he wanted us.  I told them some things about me that I struggle with, and it hurt and it was hard to say, but I wanted them to know.  To know that I don't understand alot of things about me, but I  know that God fully understands. I could tell alot of them were hanging on my words, some it seemed alot.    At the end I played a song and had them write everything about themselves that they've wanted to question God about, and on the other side had them write a letter to God about their feelings and how they want to allow Him to help them to accept who He created them to be. We closed by singing The Real Me by Natalie Grant. 

I had just taught on the fact that God does everything for a purpose, that there are no coincidences in life.  I went to choir, and forgot it all.  After choir I was talking to someone about co-writing a song.  Very exciting to me.  But in my mind I thought, "Well, if I hadn't sat by her, she probably wouldn't have said anything."  Instead of saying "God, you made sure that I sat by her! Thank you!"  Joel asked me to sing Sunday night, or asked me if I'd like to.  I said "OK."  But, in mind I thought, "He only asked me, becuase he thought I might get upset if he doesn't ask me.  Doesn't he know that I am not one bit offended if I never sing a solo."  Istead of saying "God, you positioned me in that place so that he would be inclined to ask me to sing."  But, on the drive home God reminded me of what I'd forgotten, as I remembered praying that God would open doors in people's lives.   

Today in your life I'm challenging you to accept that God made you, and loves His creation.  Does it make you uncomfortable when I say that?  God wasn't lonely, or needy.  He wants us.  I'm going to tell you what I told the group last night.  "Until, you accept that you are not an accident and God loves you, then we can't go any further!!"  This is only day two of The Purpose Driven Life, so basically the beginning.  You can't jump ahead  in the book, or in life,and miss this and think you're gonna be ok. 

Just to let you know Holly and Roger you guys were right.  We had 25 last night, and I asked how many would've left and they all raised their hands.   

My morning (before church) was timed so that I was able to really soak in Charles Stanley.  I always listen, but sometimes am so busy that I can't really hear.  But yesterday I could, and it was something that I believe will stick with me. He was preaching on the Holy Spirit.  One of the things he said was that as believers, we often don't realize who the Holy Sprit is, therefore we don't utilize His power.  So true.  I fall into that category oftentimes. 

John 14: 15-17"If you love me, show it by doing what I've told you. I will talk to the Father, and he'll provide you another Friend so that you will always have someone with you. This Friend is the Spirit of Truth. The godless world can't take him in because it doesn't have eyes to see him, doesn't know what to look for. But you know him already because he has been staying with you, and will even be in you!   Acts 1:8But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." 

Let me ask you a question.  What if you had a flashlight but kept the batteries to the side even though they were yours??  Well that's crazy.  But, we have huge power available to us that must be utilized. It doesn't just happen.   The Holy Spirit is your friend, and wants to do amazing things in your life.  Charles also brought up something else that I've struggled with for a long time.  He said that he used to have a difficult time practicing Glatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,.  He said that he really wanted these, but felt he wasn't there, and prayed that God would help him obtain these fruits.  Charles said that God revealed to him that these are fruits of the Spirit, not fruits of Charles.  I'm not sure if I can articulate what he was saying, but I totally understand it.  The power and gifts of these fruits are all about the Giver, not about us.  We pray for the Holy Spirit to use us as His tool, and empower us.  I'm not there yet, but I feel like I'm getting to know my Friend in a new way. 

Now to church.  I did sing in the choir, but I fought to keep my eyes open during P&W, but sometimes I just couldn't.  But, it all worked out.  I didn't get left.   

I John 5: 16-17For instance, if we see a Christian believer sinning (clearly I'm not talking about those who make a practice of sin in a way that is "fatal," leading to eternal death), we ask for God's help and he gladly gives it, gives life to the sinner whose sin is not fatal. There is such a thing as a fatal sin, and I'm not urging you to pray about that. Everything we do wrong is sin, but not all sin is fatal.  Roger preached on Christians that are living outside of the will of God.  Do we care????  We turn our backs, or use that clever cover "prayer" which (we believe) gives us the freedom to gossip about anything.  He talked about the sin leading to death, which this tell us not to pray about, and gave some examples from the Bible.  But, I also thought of something that I have done, and it was as if God was  speaking to me saying  "Don't do this anymore."  When a person dies and has rejected Christ, the Bible says they go to Hell.  I think that I sometimes pray "God have mercy" when I know or I believe that a person died without Christ.  To me God was saying yesterday, "Don't pray then.  It's too late.  Your opportunity to pray is while they are alive."  But the reality is I often haven't cared until they committed this "fatal" sin.  The reality is at that point, prayers are useless.  But, what can we do for those who've just lost their way??  1-3 Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived. Do you care this much???  Or do you say, "It's none of my business."  Well, this scripture says it most certainly is your business.  To restore in a way that doesn't offend, that is free of "holier than thou" speech that people who are in the wrong will most likely turn off too.  I read this scripture this morning and loved it, and thought it really applied:  Proverbs 28: 23 In the end, serious reprimand is appreciated  far more than bootlicking flattery. That's The Message translation. 

I led youth last night, because the majority of them went to the A.R.C. banquet, as well as all the leaders, exept for Mark (who helped me).  We played charades about problems, the point being that we can't know what going on in our friends lives if we don't ask.  Get it??? Like you have to ask in charades??  Oh, never mind.  We also went around the room to share the things we wanted to praise for.  I explained to them that we all have things that we can offer up praise for.  I named several and then told them I had one more.  I am thankful that I've been given the realization that all the leftover Christmas chocolate candy tastes very good when you put chocolate syrup in bowl, put the canday in, melt it in the microwave for 1 minute and throw a Klondike bar in the middle.

I don't think I've told you, Chloe has walking pneumonia.  She started really coughing Saturday and Sunday.  So, Monday we took her to the Dr.  There's a new study out in regard to negative effects of over the counter cold medications.  But the night before we took her we got some mult-symptom medicine that helped.  Chloe is usually a drama queen, so that if she's sick, there's no doubt about it.  I give total credit to God that she's been in a good mood, and has handled everything so well.  She even answered when the Dr. asked her questions, and that is usually like pulling teeth.  I was so proud of her and fully aware of Divine Intervention over all this.  He gave her an inhaler, and a prescription that were both generic, which is very good because of Mark's insurance.  When I asked Dr. Fisher about the best way to treat her symptoms,  e said he sort of frowned on a multi-symptom medication and that there was a new study out that says honey is one of the best treatments for cough.  He said "Turns out what your grandmother told you is right." This is actually the second Dr. I've heard this from.  When Meagan had a terrible asthma episode last month, the asthma Dr. said the same thing.

Proverbs 24:13 Eat honey, my son, for it is good;
       honey from the comb is sweet to your taste Go ahead Drs, try to take credit, but this has been in the Bible all along.  

You know I'm think of another honey saying, (not in the Bible) "You catch more bees with honey."  What a true statement that I know, but so often forget.  

I'm at a crossroads with so many things, or at least it feels that way.  (I just realized the drama queen in my family is me. Meagan and Chloe are the drama princesses.)  One is my heart's cry for the homeless.  Our local monthly feeding project has to change. There are several reasons. One of which is the fact that the shelter is no longer feeding non-residents on the weekends.  Meaning the actual homeless won't be getting fed.  I'm so, well.......mad.  Another reason, is our church may not be able to continue to support this program.  Not because they don't want to.  But, because giving isn't where it should be.  This is my passion.  It is evident to me that it's not the passion of most, and to be honest, it's not the passion of the employees of the homeless shelter.  This is how I see it:  "In this corner, the homeless shelter.  In this corncer, Gina Pasour." And I walk out with my boxing gloves on, my mouthpiece in, and my robe on, that says WWJD on the back as I hum "How great thou art."  Somehow I don't think I'm gonna get very far with that.  As I talked about the other day, we all think of success as a huge following. But WWJD really?  He would minister to those people with a small following, or maybe at times alone.  He wouldn't say "I don't have the money, I can't."  He would say "Father, take what I have and multiply it."  He would love his enemies, and pray for those who thought he was stupid. He would attract people because of His kindness, not because of his defensiveness.

I would really appreciate you prayers about the homeless, and what God would call me to do.  I have a few things, that I think He's putting in my head.  But, I don't want to do anything that is not from Him.  Been there, done that.  Don't wanna go back.

I have read the most amazing Bible story in the past couple of days.  

2 Chronicles 14-16   http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Chronicles%2014-16;&version=65

In chapter 14, Asa says "O God you aren't impressed by numbers or intimidated by a show of force once you decide to help."  This is now underlined in my Bible.  Numbers or any show of force doesn't scare God, in any way, shape or form, or impress God in any way, shape or form.  When we are in God, then shouldn't we have that same godly confidence, when we're doing what He's called us to do??  Over the past several years I've felt God prompting me to several things.  I've measured my success in numbers.  Don't we all?  God's looking at me to do what He's called me to do.  He's not looking and judging me on anyone else.  This time last year, I thought by this year, we'd have more people in Vision.  I also thought more people would've joined in for What Counts.  I know we've had things at our church that have had a low attendance, and probably disappointed our pastor.  But, as I think on last year with Vision, and all that went on with What Counts, it was truly amazing.  We have a core group of about 8 in Vision that do almost everything.  I want to reach out to anyone and include anyone who'd like to be involved, but I'm not going to measure myself based on another person.  What pleases God is if I do whatever He tells me to do.  That's it.  The same goes for you. 

In Chapter 15 it says, "Then they bound themselves in a convenant  to seek God, the God of their fathers, wholeheartedly, holding nothing back. And they agreed that anyone who refused to seek God, the God of Israel, should be killed, no matter who it was, young or old, man or woman.  If each person would seek God on his or her own, and then we come together after we've done that, and join forces to do God's work, wow!!!  But sometimes we wait in our seriousness about this, and come together as a packed-out church full of human blobs of goo who don't really have any purpose, but wanting to be fed. 

If you read Chapters 14 and 15, Judah was victorious for no other reason than God.  But, in Chapter 16 for some reason, I think just to be on the "safe" side, he starts trying to build an alliance. Seems innocent enough, but what he was really doing was transferring his faith from God to man.  And we've all done it.  Chapter 16 says "Because you went for help to the king of Aram and didn't ask God for help, you've lost a victory over the army of the king of Aram."  The scripture goes on to remind him of the victory he'd had previously, and to tell him that God would have taken care of him.  I wonder what made him forget what God had just done?  Pride? Fear? Complacency?

I was thinking about all these things this morning.  I usually measure my success in numbers.  I am wishy washy in my commitment to seek God.  I often look to man instead of God for my help.  All of these things are mistakes.  God wants to be our everything, but we have to allow that.  What pleases God and what pleases man are so different.  God doesn't need anything.  He's all about giving.  I know, you think, "What can I give God?  A God who has no needs?"  He does have a want.  And His want is YOU.

"Obey God and leave all the consequences to Him" Dr. Charles Stanley 

Did you get one of "those gifts" this past Christmas.  You know, the kind where you say "Oh, I love it."   but you meant "Oh, I HATE it."  When we get one of those kinds of presents we usually stuff them in a drawer, and hope the giver never again thinks of the fact they've never seen us wearing that hideous sweater. 

Have you shoved your spiritual gift(s) in the drawer of your heart?  Have you hoped God has forgotten what He gave you, 'cause you don't like it? 

I Corinthians 12: 1-3 What I want to talk about now is the various ways God's Spirit gets worked into our lives. This is complex and often mis-understood, but I want you to be informed and knowledgeable. Remember how you were when you didn't know God, led from one phony god to another, never knowing what you were doing, just doing it because everybody else did it? It's different in this life. God wants us to use our intelligence, to seek to understand as well as we can. For instance, by using your heads, you know perfectly well that the Spirit of God would never prompt anyone to say "Jesus be damned!" Nor would anyone be inclined to say "Jesus is Master!" without the insight of the Holy Spirit.  4-11God's various gifts are handed out everywhere; but they all originate in God's Spirit. God's various ministries are carried out everywhere; but they all originate in God's Spirit. God's various expressions of power are in action everywhere; but God himself is behind it all. Each person is given something to do that shows who God is: Everyone gets in on it, everyone benefits. All kinds of things are handed out by the Spirit, and to all kinds of people! The variety is wonderful:

   wise counsel

   clear understanding

   simple trust

   healing the sick

   miraculous acts

   proclamation

   distinguishing between spirits

   tongues

   interpretation of tongues.

   All these gifts have a common origin, but are handed out one by one by the one Spirit of God. He decides who gets what, and when.  12-13You can easily enough see how this kind of thing works by looking no further than your own body. Your body has many parts—limbs, organs, cells—but no matter how many parts you can name, you're still one body. It's exactly the same with Christ. By means of his one Spirit, we all said good-bye to our partial and piecemeal lives. We each used to independently call our own shots, but then we entered into a large and integrated life in which he has the final say in everything. (This is what we proclaimed in word and action when we were baptized.) Each of us is now a part of his resurrection body, refreshed and sustained at one fountain—his Spirit—where we all come to drink. The old labels we once used to identify ourselves—labels like Jew or Greek, slave or free—are no longer useful. We need something larger, more comprehensive.  14-18I want you to think about how all this makes you more significant, not less. A body isn't just a single part blown up into something huge. It's all the different-but-similar parts arranged and functioning together. If Foot said, "I'm not elegant like Hand, embellished with rings; I guess I don't belong to this body," would that make it so? If Ear said, "I'm not beautiful like Eye, limpid and expressive; I don't deserve a place on the head," would you want to remove it from the body? If the body was all eye, how could it hear? If all ear, how could it smell? As it is, we see that God has carefully placed each part of the body right where he wanted it.  19-24But I also want you to think about how this keeps your significance from getting blown up into self-importance. For no matter how significant you are, it is only because of what you are a part of. An enormous eye or a gigantic hand wouldn't be a body, but a monster. What we have is one body with many parts, each its proper size and in its proper place. No part is important on its own. Can you imagine Eye telling Hand, "Get lost; I don't need you"? Or, Head telling Foot, "You're fired; your job has been phased out"? As a matter of fact, in practice it works the other way—the "lower" the part, the more basic, and therefore necessary. You can live without an eye, for instance, but not without a stomach. When it's a part of your own body you are concerned with, it makes no difference whether the part is visible or clothed, higher or lower. You give it dignity and honor just as it is, without comparisons. If anything, you have more concern for the lower parts than the higher. If you had to choose, wouldn't you prefer good digestion to full-bodied hair?  25-26The way God designed our bodies is a model for understanding our lives together as a church: every part dependent on every other part, the parts we mention and the parts we don't, the parts we see and the parts we don't. If one part hurts, every other part is involved in the hurt, and in the healing. If one part flourishes, every other part enters into the exuberance.  27-31You are Christ's body—that's who you are! You must never forget this. Only as you accept your part of that body does your "part" mean anything. You're familiar with some of the parts that God has formed in his church, which is his "body":

   apostles
   prophets
   teachers
   miracle workers
   healers
   helpers
   organizers
   those who pray in tongues.
But it's obvious by now, isn't it, that Christ's church is a complete Body and not a gigantic, unidimensional Part? It's not all Apostle, not all Prophet, not all Miracle Worker, not all Healer, not all Prayer in Tongues, not all Interpreter of Tongues. And yet some of you keep competing for so-called "important" parts.    But now I want to lay out a far better way for you

The make-up of who God created you and I to be is a done deal.  The gifts he has given us are for a reason.  My personality type is creative.  There are wonderful and good things about that, that I should embrace.  But I often think, "Oh, I would be a much better person if I was, say, an organizer.  That would fit society better."  You see a creative person, is usually late for everything, and sometimes not organized, and dramatic, and alot of other things that you already know if you know me.  I'm already stressing because Emory (Sunday School Director) sent and e-mail to all the teachers.  It was an encouraging and uplifting note, that also served as a request that teachers arrive by 9:30. on Sunday mornings.  I have probably only arrived at 9:30 at church...........well, I don't think I've ever arrived at 9:30!  But, I'm not suggesting to embrace not doing what you're supposed to do.  I'm saying the temptation is to say, "God, change who You created me to be.  It's not working out."  I'm reading the book Holly gave me "Discovering God's Purpose for Your Life."  There is one (Purpsose for Your Life), and when we live like there's not one, life stinks.  When we try to live someone else's purpse, life stinks.  'Cause you can't live someone else's calling. There's for them, and your's is for you, and mine is for me. 

I've struggled with a part of the book.  Beth says that God has called you to something.  She says that you have a purpose and you need to find it.  A purpose (1), not more than one.  I don't think that means that you can't do more than one thing, but it does mean it matters if you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing.

Proverbs 18:16 A gift gets attention;
   it buys the attention of eminent people.

Your gift will get attention if it gets used.  By attention I don't mean the kind that puffs you up with pride, I mean glory to God. 

 So, with a right attitude, and right motivation, pull your spiritual gift out of your drawer, thank God for it, and USE it. 

I'm loosing my hair.  If you don't believe me, just ask Mark.  It comes out in clumps.  It stops up our drains.  The other night he had to clean it out of the bathroom sink.  Do they make Rogaine for women?  And what I think is highly unfair, is not only is it falling off my head where it belongs, it somehow attaches to my face!  And let me tell you, if you're one of those people who think people who have plastic surgery things done are bad people-then you better start your judging now.  Because I can promise you this, the minute that I can afford laser hair removal, it is SO happening.  I'm not sure where I get these wonderful traits.  People in NC, who don't know my dad, think that I look just like my mom.  But everybody in Tx. thinks that I look just like my dad.  And unfortunately, I think like I look like my dad too.  When I say unfortunately, it sort of makes a female insecure when everyone tells her without her make-up, she looks like a man.  My father has male hereditary baldness, which basically means he got it from his father.  So that makes sense as to my hair falling out, since everyone says I'm just like my dad.  My grandmother in Tx. was so upset when Daddy started loosing his hair, she told him to get a toupe (fake hair), and he did.  I didn't even know until I was 6, that my dad was bald.  We were visting NC and I went into the bedroom we were staying in and there was a styrofoam head, and there was hair on that head, and  it was my dad's hair!!!!  My cousin and I stumbled on it, 'cause Daddy was still in the bed.  Like I said, my dad got it from his dad.  I never met him.  He left my grandmother, and my dad only saw him a few times. But the real kicker is that he lived less than 20 minutes from me when I was growing up!  He didn't want to see me or meet me.  He came to the hospital when I was in a coma after a car acciden.  But, I wasn't awake of course, and I never saw him again.  He died and I never knew him, and he never knew me. 

That's the story of churches today, as well as our community, nation and world.  So many people are so close to Jesus, but they don't want to meet Him.  I believe churches are full of the lost who believe they are saved because of heritage and legacy and status. Like Paul said "having a form of godliness but denying its power."

While I was out with my surgery there were a fair amount of nights I couldn't sleep.  (I know I can't imagine me not sleeping either)  There was a program that came on MSNBC.  It was an old Dateline on a man by the name of Carlton Pearson.  Carolton used to attend Oral Roberts University and became a pastor and sat on their board.  But after years, he began to struggle with the belief that his granparents had died and went to hell because they weren't saved.  So, he claims God gave him a revelation, Hell is on earth.  That's right.  He believes that Hell is on earth.   http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14337492/  This kind of junk and trash is exactly what a lost world wants to hear. That no matter what they do, they are not going to go to Hell.  Carlton says that even Hitler is in Hevean, he calims God told him. 

Do you see what is going on here?  Do you see the battle we're up against?  Do you care? I mean I usually don't.  Or I live like I don't.  I'm too busy with my own problems to care that a lost and dying world believes that Hell doesn't even exist.  Right??  Roger talked Sunday about us all having friends and family members that are flat out LOST.  I have 'em and you do too.  God help me to care.  God help this to stay on our minds. 

Matthew 7 21-23"Knowing the correct password—saying 'Master, Master,' for instance— isn't going to get you anywhere with me. What is required is serious obedience—doing what my Father wills. I can see it now—at the Final Judgment thousands strutting up to me and saying, 'Master, we preached the Message, we bashed the demons, our God-sponsored projects had everyone talking.' And do you know what I am going to say? 'You missed the boat. All you did was use me to make yourselves important. You don't impress me one bit. You're out of here.'

Church was good yesterday.  I know I always say that, but it was.  I just loved it when Jill sang and talked before hand about the forgiveness that might be holding people back from God's best.  What I mean by saying I loved it, is that she felt led to say something, so she said it.  If Christians would begin to do whatever the Holy Spirit prompts them to do, (myself included) my what would happen!!!  Roger preached on our Sunday School classes theme verse, Proverbs 29:18 which says: Where there is no vision the people perish.  It's so true in my own life.  When I loose a future vision and hope for my life, "Yuck!"   I had been trying to remember a particular day in The Purpose Driven life which talks about a darkness of the soul, and ironically today I was possibly going to do the devotion at M&M, so I decided to reference the book.  Guess what day 14 is on??  Exactly what I was going to tell my friend-When God seems distant.  I think sometimes when our life is like day 14 in Purpose driven life, if we're not careful, we loose our vision.  We feel rejected, but we're not.  We feel alone, but we're not.  We feel forsaken, but we're not.  I'm gonna hit some of the high points of the lesson:

 "The deepest level of worship is praising God in spite of pain, thanking God during a trial, trusting him when tempted, surrendering while suffering, and loving him when he seems distant.  To mature your friendship, God will test it with perios of seeming separation-times when it feels as if he has abandoned or forgotten you.  In utter desperation, you cry out"What's the matter with me"  The truth is there's nothing wrong with you!  This is a normal part of the testing and maturing of your friendship with God.  Every Christian goes through it at least once, and usually several times.  It is painful and disconcerting, but it is absolutely vital for the development of your faith.  Tell God exactly how you feel.  Pour out your heart to God.  Focus on who God is-his unchanging nature.  Trust God to keep his promises. Remember what God has already done for you.  For God has said, 'I will never leave you; I will never abandon you'" Hebrews 13:5"

After church we went to Winter Jam.  The day just went so smoothly.  I was stressed a bit because of taking Chloe.  I didn't know if she'd last, but she did.  The only "issue" was a bathroom crisis when she determined that she had to go to the bathroom right before we were getting on the charter bus to come home.  The "fit" lasted I dunno, maybe 15 minutes or so, and she ended up using the commode on the charter bus, and then she got ok.  Thanks Adam E. 

Oh, I forgot to tell you the whole CD situation.  Well, Lee Ann had suggested I take my song that I wrote for the American Idol songwriting competition to try and give to Mandisa.  For those of you who don't know, Mandisa was an American Idol contestant, who is a Christian.  She was insulted by Simon Cowell because of her weight, but then publically forgave him, and now her platform is forgiveness, and the Hand of God, as well as a woman trying to reach a healthy weight. She is a part of the Winter Jam line-up this year. I didn't have any blank cds, and I knew it, so I didn't think I'd be taking my song to try and give to her.  Sunday morning I went in Meagan's room to ask her if she had any blank cds, but I knew she didn't.  Ali had spent the night with Meagan Saturday.  When I asked Meagan about the cds, she said "Ali has some, they're laying right there."    Well, this changed everything!  It's already about 8:30 or so.  I ask Mark if he can burn the cds. It caused him to be late for church, which is one of his total pet peaves, but he did it anyway.  So, I just knew I was gonna get my songs to Mandissa.  They had a leaders meeting beforehand, and I went.  We were gonna have access to some of the artists, and I just knew she'd be one of them, she wasn't.  At the intermission, she was signing autographs.  Me, Chloe, Holly, Rachel, Rebekah, and Meagan B. all got in line.  Along with 100,000 other people.  We were probably 15-20 people away and she stopped signing.  People start trying to follow her, me included.  So with security surrounding her, me  and about 20 twelve year old girls try to get to her, but we didn't.  We went to the restroom and Megan said "let's go to her table and try and give it to the people there."  I overheard a girl asking the table lady to give her something and she said "No."  One of the guys from NewSong was signing, so Megan said "Give it to him to give to her."  So, I got in line and got his autograph and told him I was a songwriter and would he PLEASE give Mandisa my songs.  He said "Oh.  You're a songwriter."  I didn't feel as if he said that  in a positive way.    "Yes.  Will you please give this to her."  "Well, I don't know if she's accepting cds or not."  I don't remember what I said but he kept them, and we left.  That wasn't the miracle I'd hoped for.  Really that wasn't a miracle at all, or was it.  I was so close to Mandissa, but I couldn't quite get to her.  I thought for sure during that leaders meeting she'd be back there, but she wasn't.  I'd hoped that the NewSong member would say, "I'll be glad to get this to her, and she'd be glad to get it." But none of that happened.  Timing is everything.  God's timing, not mine. 

Are you like me today???  No, I don't mean addicted to coffee, I mean with a door slamming in your face that you just knew you were meant to walk through.  But have you ever considererd that it's a miracle that God has the love for us that he'll slam a door in our face if we're gonna go somewhere we're not meant to, or maybe not yet?  We often define love as giving us what we want, when and how we want it.  But God loves us too much to give us what is less than best.  We have a free will which explains how we get less than His best, we choose it.  We claim that He did it, but uh-uh-uh, we chose our own way. 

I have quite the habit of all this.  I put God on time tables, I threaten, I dream up things sometimes, and forge ahead and fall flat on my face. 

So I said all that to say this "God thank you that Mandisa didn't accept my song last night."  What a miracle!! 

Today Chloe forgot her vocabulary book, and she went  into typical Chloe panic mode.  What were we to do?  It really wasn’t that big of a deal.  She wouldn’t get the Prinicpal’s Pal Award, and she would have silent lunch, but I mean she would live.  But, not in Chloe’s mind.  In Chloe’s mind this was a huge life-changing problem.  Now we had a choice.  We could say, “Chloe there’s nothing we can do” or we could do anything within our power to try and get the book.  Well, of course that’s what we did.  Mark called our next door neighbor who’s in Chloe’s grade, but he didn’t have his.  Mark then looked on caller ID and found the number of a class mate who lives a few minutes from us.  They were still on the school bus, because her mom drives the bus, but they said that when they got home and she was done, we could come and borrow the book and then return it.  Wow!  This a pain and inconvenience, but we’ll do it.

This is how our Christ-walk is often times.  We have to take a different avenue or do something out of the ordinary, which causes us to make a decision: Do we

1. Turn and walk away instead of to that closer walk? or
2. Find the way in, not matter how difficult

I want to choose b.  But we often search out people who tell us what we want to hear.  That it’s ok.  That it’s too difficult, so we’re excused.  Have you ever noticed that when you want absolute validation you go to a person with relatively lower moral standards?

Did Jesus know that man was at that door trying to get to Him???

If He did, and he cared, why didn’t He make the way for the man??

We often want God to move and want to make no effort to get to Him.  Don’t you like to be needed and wanted? The thing about it is we truly must have Christ to breathe and He inhabits our praise.  I remember when I would go visit my grandmother in Tx.  she was so excited to see me and made so many preparations. She cleaned and prepared my favorite goodies and scheduled me to see my family.  What if she would have just said “Well, she’s coming.  I’ll just wait.  There’s nothing to do.”?  But instead she did so many things, so that I knew she wanted me and was so glad I was coming home.  This is sort of how I’ve lived with Christ lately.  There’s nothing I need to do, God I’ll just wait here.  You do it all. 

I firmly believe that spiritual highs are often promptings of Satan that you are becoming a threat to him and so he has to try harder to bring you down.  If you’re saved he can’t actually do this, but as long as you believe or think he can, you become very ineffective.  Just like when Jesus was baptized he was lead  to be tempted.  This man on the mat encountered negativity, but it was for the sake of Jesus, and I think when we view negativity in this way, it’s not as devastating.  Have you ever encountered negativity for the sake of Jesus and effectively handled it?  How about ineffectively??  There are no chances or coincidences in Christianity, so if you’re getting “junk” dealt to you, God knows.    

The payoff came for that man when Jesus said “Take up your mat and walk.” Well actually when He forgave his sins.  But what if that man would’ve said the doors closed, I guess I’ll go home?  Think of what He would’ve missed out on.  I think we are all facing doors that are closed in our face, windows that are sealed tightly shut, and we are facing the decision of whether to cut a hole in roof.  But wasn’t it worth it for that man?  It will be worth it for you too and me!!!  

I mean let's just go ahead and discuss the pink elephant sitting on my head.  Can you laugh and be spiritual at the same time?  I think so. 

If you were in the service yesterday morning you already know what I'm talking about.  I hadn't been in the choir in about 4 months.  (hard to believe it's been that long)  I felt God leading me out, and so I quit.  I'm praying if it's time for me to rejoin.  But Joel e-mailed me and told me the choir was singing "In the Sanctuary" and I was welcome to sing if I wanted to.  So, I did.  It felt good to be up there.  Maybe a little too good. 'Cause I was really "into" the worship, and I close my eyes usually or at least often if I know the song we're singing.  I just feel strange sometimes when I'm singing to God and yet looking at people.  We started to sing "Majesty, worship His majesty" and I was trying to.  So, I closed my eyes.  I promise you, I momentarily thought "What if he dismisses during this song?"  But then I thought "No. Not this song."  So, I closed my eyes.  At some point I felt a slight nudge.  I opened my closed eyes.  Guess what???  Everyone-gone, but me and sweet Nancy A. who thank goodness didn't leave me up there alone. It was funny-it was.  When I sat down Mark said "I didn't know if you were gonna stay up there alone or what."  Holly and Megan B. were laughing about it, as well, as I'm sure everybody else who's eyes were open during the song.  Last night Roger told me "Ya, when I saw Megan and Holly laughing I said "Gina must be into the song." 

Someone got up during the service yesterday and proclaimed the truth that she felt in her heart and felt she had to share.  I so love this woman.  She said "Some of you think I'm crazy-and I don't care."  She poured out willingly what God had poured into her. 

I John 4:18   18There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.  

This is one of my favorite scriptures in the Bible, and I'm amazed that God would be so kind of as to reveal something new to me, even last week as I've read it so many times before.  It just proves to me that His Word is so refreshing to me.

It's that last part of the verse "The one who fears is not made perfect in love"  that spoke to me in such a personal way.  I've said to God, "I need you to change him, or her, or this situation before I can continue."  I've said "If I get criticized, then I'm outta here."  If things didn't change, then I became afraid and began to listen to people instead of God and stopped dead in my tracks.  But my new understanding with this verse was that if I'm not doing God's will because of fear, it's not those people's fault, it's my fault.  If I fear, than I'm not allowing the love of God, which is perfect, to have control in my life. And I haven't.  I haven't in a long time.  The more I felt critiicized the more paranoid I'd become, until I felt the size of an ant, and any person who had a differing opinion than mine appeared the size of a giant. 

So, as I'm reevaulating my attitude of fear, that I had masked as other things, I'm also deciding and determining to do what that precious lady declared as her goal in life "Let God be God."  I've made it more complicated than it is. 

Yesterday I talked to two of my closest friends who are songwriters.  I've roomed with both of them at Write About Jesus, basically without even knowing them first.  But ANYWAY, it was kind of weird because I prayed for both of them specifically yesterday and then they called me.  So, I know it was sort of divine intervention that we talked.  But we sort of all three were in the same boat.  Apsiring songwriters.  Great ideas.  Full of hopes.  Just wanting SOMETHING to happen.  All trying to lift up and encourage the other, while inside having the same doubts.  Wendy H. (I've talked about before)  has a very bold-in-Christ attitude about her, which I love.  She demands that I see myself the way God see me, and when I try to refuse, she will not hear of it.  She told me yesterday "Gina, I'm offended by your ringback tone."  I knew exactly what she meant, and I knew I couldn't fool her.  I changed it to "if I only had a brain" from The Wizard of Oz.  She knew that this is exactly how I see myself, and she is exactly right.  So for me to say, "Oh, I just like that song" wouldn't have worked, so I didn't even try it.  At one point in our conversation she said "Gina can we pray?"  so we did.  Wendy and I are alike in our boldness in Christ, and passion for Him, and she is a HUGE encourager and support system in my life.  My other friend Cheryl, (who I think I've also talked about before) is very passionate about her pursuit of songwriting, and she is very willing to allow help from anyone willing to offer it, as well offer help to anyone who needs it.  After all she allowed me to stay in her room at Write About Jesus this year, and if she hadn't, I wouldn't have been able to go.  But we were all three basically talking about the same thing: Desire for God's will for our lives in songwriting.  I think the assumption here is "If you've given me a song God, surely God, surely you want this song out to the masses."  I laugh and laugh at what some of the professional songwriter clinicians at the Write About Jesus conference say about people who say "The Lord gave me this song."  You'd probably be offended, but you see it's business, it's commercial.  One of the clinicians said to that statement "Trust me, the Lord writes better."   But even the very successful are only one song away from their last, or feel these very same feelings of insecurity, but for some reason it's hard for us or at least me not to think, "Oh, if I could just get a song on a cd, then I'd be on my way."  But, in my heart I know better. So we trudge on to the unknown destination of our songwriting careers, or hobies, or whatever it is we're doing.

Last night in Vision I had three people who aren't my Wed. night regulars.  We talked about our hopes and our dreams.  One person even revealed to me a relatively major change they feel God calling them to make.

I think everyone this time of the year has this attitude.  "I want to accomplish__________(you fill in the blank).  As I told you already, I think resolutions aren't really a good thing.  I do however always want to grow in spirit and mind, not so much body (I think it's grown enough).  I want to find God in a new way daily. 

Last night in class we talked about this. 

Proverbs 1  

1-6 These are the wise sayings of Solomon,
   David's son, Israel's king—
Written down so we'll know how to live well and right,
   to understand what life means and where it's going;
A manual for living,
   for learning what's right and just and fair;
To teach the inexperienced the ropes
   and give our young people a grasp on reality.
There's something here also for seasoned men and women,
   still a thing or two for the experienced to learn—
Fresh wisdom to probe and penetrate,
   the rhymes and reasons of wise men and women.

This is for all of us

Start with God

 7 Start with God—the first step in learning is bowing down to God;
   only fools thumb their noses at such wisdom and learning. 
We discussed sarting with God, and I asked when do you start with God.  Most answered that they went to God often as a last resort.  I told them that oftentimes I do sort of the opposite, I turn my back on God when things are bad and say "I'm not talking to You."  Pout Pout.

 8-19 Pay close attention, friend, to what your father tells you; 
  never forget what you learned at your mother's knee.
Wear their counsel like flowers in your hair,
   like rings on your fingers.
Dear friend, if bad companions tempt you,
   don't go along with them.
If they say—"Let's go out and raise some hell.
   Let's beat up some old man, mug some old woman.
Let's pick them clean
   and get them ready for their funerals.
We'll load up on top-quality loot.
   We'll haul it home by the truckload.
Join us for the time of your life!
   With us, it's share and share alike!"—
Oh, friend, don't give them a second look;
   don't listen to them for a minute.
They're racing to a very bad end,
   hurrying to ruin everything they lay hands on.
Nobody robs a bank
   with everyone watching,
Yet that's what these people are doing—
   they're doing themselves in.
When you grab all you can get, that's what happens:
   the more you get, the less you are.

Harmless good times-even in college sometimes aren't harmless. Just like I told them, they know better, you and I know better, and we are held to that standard even if we don't want to be. 

Lady Wisdom

 20-21 Lady Wisdom goes out in the street and shouts.
   At the town center she makes her speech.
In the middle of the traffic she takes her stand.
   At the busiest corner she calls out: 

You know often times we tell God "Lord, I need to get away on a nice vacation to hear you"  But, this says that Wisdom is crying out to us , begging us to listen. I also reminded them that this Lady Wisdom has nothing to do with academics. 

 22-24 "Simpletons! How long will you wallow in ignorance?
   Cynics! How long will you feed your cynicism?
Idiots! How long will you refuse to learn?
   About face! I can revise your life.
Look, I'm ready to pour out my spirit on you;
   I'm ready to tell you all I know.
As it is, I've called, but you've turned a deaf ear;
   I've reached out to you, but you've ignored me.

 25-28 "Since you laugh at my counsel
   and make a joke of my advice,
How can I take you seriously?
   I'll turn the tables and joke about your troubles!
What if the roof falls in,
   and your whole life goes to pieces?
What if catastrophe strikes and there's nothing
   to show for your life but rubble and ashes?
You'll need me then. You'll call for me, but don't expect
      an answer.
   No matter how hard you look, you won't find me.

 29-33 "Because you hated Knowledge
   and had nothing to do with the Fear-of-God,
Because you wouldn't take my advice
   and brushed aside all my offers to train you,
Well, you've made your bed—now lie in it;
   you wanted your own way—now, how do you like it?
Don't you see what happens, you simpletons, you idiots?
   Carelessness kills; complacency is murder.
First pay attention to me, and then relax.
   Now you can take it easy—you're in good hands."

This is the place none of us want to be.

 So my desire is to grow in wisdom, knowledge, and understanding.  Just read this passage again and take comfort and hope in knowing that God wants to reveal Himself to you today in a fresh and new way.  He wants to give and do and be everything in Your life.  Meet every need, comfort every hurt, water your drought-filled life. 

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