Gigi's Blog

What's my problem?  Why could I sleep probably 16 hours a day?  Why do I spend most days sort of at 1/2 functioning mental capacity?  Am I lazy?  Is it my health?  Is it the devil?  Is it me?  Well, it has become harder and harder to even get up out of the bed to start my day.  That throws everything off.  I think Mark knew this morning, before he left that things weren't gonna go good unless I got up and began to function.  I didn't.  I started to wake Chloe up at 6:50.  Which would have been ok.  But she asked to sleep 5 more minutes. Not 20.  Just 5.  I went back in my room and put my make-up on.  Well, if you've seen me without make-up you'd know it takes much longer than 5 minutes to put my "face" on (as my mamaw used to say).  I went in Chloe's room and woke her up.  She had a smile that lasted about a milisecond, but turned quickly into a frown when she realized I had allowed her to oversleep.  She went into panic mode and I went into defense mode, which seems backward of how a mother and daughter should be.  She carried on and pitched a fit and I tried to help her get ready.  The thing about it is she honestly had enough time to get ready.  If she would have gotten up, put her clothes on and fixed her hair, she would have had plenty of time. But she froze as she'd already accepted she wasn't gonna make it.  We yelled and then she went downstairs to eat cereal.  She spilled it all over her clothes causing her to have to put on another outfit.  Good grief!  How I did feel like Charlie Brown!    Chloe changed and we got ready to leave.  I commented she needed to put a coat on.  "Momma, I have a coat on.  Don't you see this hoodie?"  Whatever.  My other dramatic (just like me) daughter spent Wed. night at church balling her eyes out.  I knew because there was no one in Vision, so I sat in on Focus. (Thanks Focus)  Meagan had been crying during the alter call.  I wasn't watching her, it's just that when she came up to talk to me after church, she had red eyes and red circles around her red eyes and water was coming out of her eyes.  Someone came up and joked with her that this year's upcoming Focus Christmas parade would be her last and she lost it.  I don't mean fake crying, I mean lost it.  She then proceeded to say that she didn't want to go college, and became inconsolable. Thank goodness she didn't have an asthma attack, because her asthma's been giving her problems, and I think she's lost her inhaler again.  So the house is a wreck, I mean worse than normal, and Mark will go home to the tornado and probably sigh and then straighten up.  He get's off at 2:30. 

I tell you what, I saw myself in Chloe so much today.  Worrying that I can't accomplish what I need to accomplish.  My antedote: SAA  Is it working for me?  Uh no.  Why do we do this?  What's the problem here?  I think I know at least part of it: Proverbs 29:25 The fear of human opinion disables;
   trusting in God protects you from that.  Holly and I were having a conversation about circumstances in our lives and she said "You know what Gina, can you imagine how our lives would be if we would let go of guilt?"  She's not talking about conviction of the Holy Spirit, she's talking about guilt that comes from places other than the Holy Sprit.  Guilt that comes from the past, from opinions, from just loads of what people tell me are necessary elements for me to be an acceptable human being. Matthew 11:28-30"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Oh yes Jesus.  Yes.  I'm coming.

Meagan has changed her mind, or should I say made up her mind, about college.  She wanted to go to UNC Greensboro, and a few other places but then said she thought she wanted to go to Liberty.  So, we're in a scramble to attempt to benefit from some early sign-ups incentives being offered.  I don't understand some of them I'll admit.  Some of the scholarships are a bt strange to me. One is a letter stating Meagan attends church, another is an alumni scholarship.  I called Liberty admissions because I was somewhat confused by everything (I still am actually).  I asked the lady about the alumni scholarship.  I told her that we didn't know any, except for "the famous" that have graduated from there.  She said "well, you don't have to know them personally, just get a name and address, they don't actually check it."  So, I set off in search of a name and address.  I called Roger and got a few maybes, but then Babe told me someone who works at M&M had a child who graduated from Liberty.  So we'll type a letter with the name and address of a person we don't know and get $500 per year.  It makes no sense, but any financial help is ok by me. 

You know alot of people are living their lives with this same mindset.  "As long as I know there is a Jesus, nobody's  going to check and see if I KNOW him." Not true. God checks, and His checks aren't random, they're constant.  Many people think that just because they believe there is a God that they are entitled to full benefits that are only made available to His children.  James 2:19   You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.  This vague belief of something out there bigger than you won't cut it.  Even belief in God isn't enough without acceptance. 

I see celeberities who are rich and have what appears to be the life any person would want, claim their spiritual life in abstract and it makes me want to vomit. So many unbelievers get lured by these gods of false everything.  

Don't do that.  I say this as a person who has to intentionally pull away from getting too focused on the life I think I want sometimes.    

This is yet another day of an emergency room visit several years back. 

It was the day before Thanksgiving 1998.  Mark and I had been married 1 and 1/2 yr.  I think I still grasped very tightly to the romantacized idea of life and happiness at that time.  I'm not talking about romance between a man and woman, I'm talking about marshmallow cloud puffs of constant happiness that at times we believe are attainable.  Mark had decided to call in sick on that day so that he could stay home with the kids who were out of school that day.  Meagan and Adam were 9 and 10.  No Chloe yet.  I had bragged that our day-after-Thanksgiving shopping COULD NOT include any kids, it was gonna be all adult and fun, fun fun.  I can't remember if we were having Mark's family to our house for mine and Gretel's birthday, or if I was taking food to their house for Thanksgiving, but for some reason I had went to Sam's Club (of all stupid things) to buy appetizers and things that Mark's family doesn't even really care for.  I spent money we didn't have, and came home with sort of a defense mechanism up in the form of a bad attitude.  I was ready to defend and explain why in fact we did need those brocolli and cheese quiche even if nobody liked them.  Mark definitely seemed wierd, so I assumed he was upset.  I mean, he didn't even get up off the couch.  How rude!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Well at some point he told me that he'd been having some stomach issues, all day.  I went into panic mode because he refused.  Then it started.  He would get up, pass out, then get up and say he was fine.  This happened on and off for about 4 hours.  He finally agreed to let me take him to the ER.  He didn't have a Dr.  I called my mom and told her I had to bring our kids over.  When he and I got to the hospital he passed out and I couldn't get him up.  I ran into the ER and screamed I needed someone to help me that my husband was in the parking lot passed out.  They got a wheelchair ready to push.  The door opened.  It was Mark as white as a sheet of paper.  They pushed the chair up under him and he passed out again.  I become totally hysterical.  I didn't know what to do.  I waited for probably 20 min. even though it seemed like a hundred years.  I went to the desk and began to "loose it".  They took me to another room, and I called my mom and then my in-laws who came immediately.  My father-in-law was having a dream when the phone rang that was sort of in line with what was actually happening.  The funny thing is I was begging to get to Mark and he was telling them, don't let her back here, she can't handle it.  When I finally got back there I was crying and scared and Mark was very sick. I didn't sleep any that night. Thanksgiving day was spent doing test that showed nothing.  I didn't anything that day.  Just drank coffee.  Mark's blood level was close to what could kill a person, but they didn't know why.  He got a blood tranfusion, frozen plasma, and vitiamin k.  After  the test didn't show anything, and he seemed better, they decided they would send him home.  It seemed wrong because we didn't know why this happened.  We didn't have to worry about it, he started loosing blood again.  We knew that this was life-threatening.  A Dr. called me on the phone and said his only option was exploritory emergency surgery.  He was prepped and a ton of people from family to friends were at the hospital.  Two feet of his inestine were removed in which they found a bleeding ulcer.  He was in the hospital 10 days total, and lost so much weight that he looked terrible. But the fact of the matter is that he had a brush with death.  So as I'm thinking of everyting God has done for me lately, I want to stop and remember what the Lord has done.  Through past miracles and most importantly His death. 

I have two prayer requests:

1. Richard Myers' mother is having heart problems that are most likely terminal without a transplant.

2. Ashley Dye's mother is still in the hospital.

Have a truly blessed day.

Proberbs 21:31 do your best prepare, prepare for the worst-then trust God to bring victory.

Friday night was filled with celebration and joy over the good news.  My mother and father in-law cooked for us and brought the food over.  I thought I am going to eat like I haven't in 2 months!  I got in the bed very early Friday and watched Charles Stanley, and his message on praising God, and thanking Him.  All the benefits of praising God.    Saturday morning was met with a full out "sift" by Satan.  I had insomnia Friday, and about the time I fell back asleep, Chloe started getting sick.  Mark got up with her, and I didn't even get up.  It was like between 4 and 5 o'clock.  When I did get up, I began to pray and pray and pray.  Trying to encourage Chloe, but she was really hurting.  At about 9:00 or so, she stopped, and then slept for a long time.  Mark started painting and accomplished alot, and that was a huge blessing.  In the early evening I started having chest pains.  Bad.  Scary.  I didn't say anything to Mark at first.  I went upstairs and got in the bed.  It lasted several hours and passed.  It seemed like it started after I'd eaten.  Sunday morning I was gripped with fear.  Chloe was baptized and thank God He hovered around her and gave her understanding and peace.  I sat in the service and felt in a bit of a fog, so scared I was going to start with those chest pains again.  Everyone was coming up to me to hug me, and I was pretty reserved, just from the fear.  That afternoon, I ate a few chicken nuggets, and within I'd say an hour I was in that tremendous chest pain.  I hugged 3 pillows, and after about 1/2 an hour it passed.  I went to church Sunday night for our Thanksgiving meal, too scared to fill my plate the way I wanted.  I wasn't social and happy and moving and giddy like I wanted to be.  I was mad.  I wanted to do cartwheels for Jesus, but couldn't.  Mark stayed to clean up-you know how he is about that, and when I felt too tired  I told him I really wanted to go and we did.  I was literally exhausted.  Exhausted from chest tightness, from fear, discouragement.  I had nightmares all night, and broke out in a sweat!  You know that's not me.  I came to work yesterday in a funk.  I ran to the bathroom a million times.  Was I leaking?  Was I leaking Was I leaking?  I would feel tightness in my back and think "Does my ureter have scar tissue?  Total fear.  Toally out of control.  Totally consumed. 

I remembered Dr. Stanley's sermon.  What was interesting was I had saw the sermon on praise Sunday morning again.  I always have felt when God wants me to"get" something he sends like a double validation of His point ('cause I'm slow).  So, I began to try to do a better job of praising.  I wrote a song yesterday on praise.  I usually write out of pain, so this was kind of new.  I tried to just think on His glory and majesty.  I went home, and Mark had been kind enough to take Chloe to dance, and they'd left before I got home.  I changed clothes and just sat there.  Cheryl Martin gave me a Message Bible Translation Sunday at church.  She knew I wanted one, and this was very, very exciting.  I began to read  it Monday night and got a revelation.  Matthew 10:32-33 "Stand up for me against world opinion and I'll stand up for you before my Father in heaven.  If you turn tail and run, do you think I'll cover for you?" I mean it was as if the Lord said to me, what are doing to stand for me?  Nothing.  I really had gotten in the mind set "Ok Lord.  It's your turn now to pay me back."  So, my heart changed.  I'm telling you, I woke up thinking, "stand up for Me against the world, and I'll stand up for you before my Father."   Once I had the knowlege of that, armed with what I knew about praise I had a renewed hope and faith. 

So, now what?  I am still praying, and really trusting more and hope He'll give me the grace to continue to do so.  Why do we pray?  Is it to change what God's going to do?  Does He change what He's going to do?  Many people say "no".  But, there are two stories in the Bible, that He does just that. I Chronicles 21:14-1514-15 God then sent the angel to Jerusalem but when he saw the destruction about to begin, he compassionately changed his mind and ordered the death angel, "Enough's enough! Pull back!" 2 Kings 20 (NIV)  1 In those days Hezekiah became ill and was at the point of death. The prophet Isaiah son of Amoz went to him and said, "This is what the LORD says: Put your house in order, because you are going to die; you will not recover."  2 Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the LORD, 3 "Remember, O LORD, how I have walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and have done what is good in your eyes." And Hezekiah wept bitterly.  4 Before Isaiah had left the middle court, the word of the LORD came to him: 5 "Go back and tell Hezekiah, the leader of my people, 'This is what the LORD, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you. On the third day from now you will go up to the temple of the LORD. 6 I will add fifteen years to your life. And I will deliver you and this city from the hand of the king of Assyria. I will defend this city for my sake and for the sake of my servant David.' "  7 Then Isaiah said, "Prepare a poultice of figs." They did so and applied it to the boil, and he recovered.  8 Hezekiah had asked Isaiah, "What will be the sign that the LORD will heal me and that I will go up to the temple of the LORD on the third day from now?"  9 Isaiah answered, "This is the LORD's sign to you that the LORD will do what he has promised: Shall the shadow go forward ten steps, or shall it go back ten steps?"  10 "It is a simple matter for the shadow to go forward ten steps," said Hezekiah. "Rather, have it go back ten steps."  11 Then the prophet Isaiah called upon the LORD, and the LORD made the shadow go back the ten steps it had gone down on the stairway of Ahaz.

You might feel as good as "dead" today.  But, it doesn't matter what you've been told, it doesn't matter your circumstance, God can change your situation.  I'm really trying to drop that truth the 18 inches from my head to my heart. I want to digest the good stuff He's allowed me to know:

1.He inhabits my praise. 2.If I stand up for Him before the world, He'll stand up for Me.  3. Prayer changes things.

Dear God,

I do praise you.  I pray you'll forgive me of imperfection as well as defiance, because both are short of your standard.  I thank you that I am forgiven.  God I'm looking to you today for my reader and myself.  God I pray that you will help us to resist Satan until he's gone, and help us to be motivated by the things that motivate you.  God please rain down answers of hope

In Jesus name, Amen

I had my test this morning.  Everyone was totally kind to me, and that was a blessing.  I was put to sleep and woke up and felt different, as if that pressure wasn't there.  I didn't say anything though.  As they wheeled me to recovery, a nurse said the words I'd prayed to God she would say "He didn't see any leakage, and he didn't put a stent in."  It was a miracle.  Another nurse came and I shared the story with her, and she was obviously a Christian, and almost cried and said she was so blessed by what I was telling her.  I feel like I can actually rest like as in the kind of rest when you're really ok, you're just takin' it easy.  I haven't that kind of rest in 2 months.

I want to thank you all for your prayers.  I mean it's beyond just "thank you", it's if you hadn't prayed for me I wouldn't be where I am.

I have to praise God.  It is totally Him.  Totally.  Not modern medicine, not me, it's Him. 

I want to ask you to pray for a woman who was in pre-surgery.  Her husband came in with her, which is unusual, because they don't allow anyone back there.  I couldn't see her or him very well because I didn't have my glasses.  But there was some sort of commotion, and then the Dr. went to her bedside and said "mam' you are gonna gave this surgery today, we are not going to reschedule this surgery."  She was very upset, and he more so.  He said "you have a tumor the size of a golf ball in your brain.  If you don't this surgery, you will die."  She cried and apologized, but he really was beyond wanting to hear that.  He told her the original surgery was scheduled for yesterday, and that she'd already done this once, and she couldn't postpone it again.  She told him that she just couldn't have the surgery.  He said "Then I can no longer be your Dr.  You are making a critical mistake.  YOu need to go straight to Charlotte ER, and try to find someone who will start you on chemo today.  I prayed for her.  That she would change her mind.  But no.  They wheeled her out, and I could see that her head had already been shaved.  I thought "Wow.  You would think she would have wanted the surgery if he told her she needed it."  Then I remembered, "Like the surgery I was scheduled to have, but cancelled."  Please pray for this lady.  I don't know her name or anything.  But God does.

Thank you God.

I taught last night on the scripture I blogged on yesterday.

Luke 11:37-41When he finished that talk, a Pharisee asked him to dinner. He entered his house and sat right down at the table. The Pharisee was shocked and somewhat offended when he saw that Jesus didn't wash up before the meal. But the Master said to him, "I know you Pharisees burnish the surface of your cups and plates so they sparkle in the sun, but I also know your insides are maggoty with greed and secret evil. Stupid Pharisees! Didn't the One who made the outside also make the inside? Turn both your pockets and your hearts inside out and give generously to the poor; then your lives will be clean, not just your dishes and your hands.

I told my class that Jesus was not influenced or impressed by the "sparkle".  In fact he was quite the opposite.  But we as humans often are influnced by the sparkle.  I commented that it's sort of like one of my favorite shows on TV "Dog Whisperer".  Cesar will not allow those dogs to become fixated on any one thing.  Because he knows that once that obsession in present, the dog turns into a disobedient, distracted and useless dog.  So when the dogs stare to long, Cesar forces the dog to stop obsessing.  We discussed different ways we can stop our becoming fixated on the sparkling cup.  One of the ways was in the above referenced scripture: turn both your pockets inside and hearts inside out and give generously to the poor.  We talked about prayer and study of the Word, and also not getting to close to the World's sparkle.

I had to share my own sparkling stare that had happened earlier yesterday.  I do not want to share this story with you really.  But, you know how I am.  A big mouth.  I was sitting at my desk yesterday.  Feeling restless.  Feeling stress.  Think about "things".  Questioning "What can I do to change my circustances?"  Feeling sorry for myself.  That's when I did it.  I typed in "settlements for ueter injury".  I began to pour over dollar amounts, just curious about it.  I never ever ever considered calling an attorney or anything like that.  So, what was I doing? 
I was gazing at the sparking cup.  Allowing my eyes to become fixated on something without even realizing it.  But then, thank God he revealed to me what I was doing.  And I knew that even though I was just curious, I realized it was wrong for me to even entertain this focus.  I quickly closed the screen out and asked God to forgive me and help me not to fall into that again. 

I'm sharing this with you just to say it's so easy to stare and focus on what sparkles and not even realize it. 

I pray today for us both.  That we will desire what's pure and clean and right. 

I read this morning:

I Chronicles 19:13b The Lord will do what is good in his sight.

That's all I want.

Are you one of those people who have  clean cabinets and clean closets?  A person whose Tupperware is neatly stacked with lids actually on?  A person whose refrigerator would never include out of date food, or leftovers several months old??

Oh.  Ok.  Well good for you.  Well, I'm not.  I clean out my cabinets and closets only by necessity.  When I can't find clothes on the floor, or my refrigerator smells, or my lids don't match, and I'm out of foil and saran wrap.  Only when forced.  What's so funny and typical and me is that after I've invested the time to clean out, I never invest the time to maintain.  Never.  Isn't that stupid?

When I was a kid my mom would get so sick of it she'd ground me until I'd cleaned out everything in my own room, which at the time seemed so unfair and difficult (boy, if I'd only known how simple it was to maintain one room in a house).  I turned into a professional "crammer".  I'd shove everything in my closet or under my bed, spray the dusting polish in the air and voila!  I was ungrounded.  I'd get away with it until she opened my closet door!

You know sometimes my spiritual life is like that.  I paint on pretend joy, stuff all my hurt and problems and sin way down and proceed to go on with my life.  Just hoping that no one will go in my closet, thinking God won't open that door.  He won't know.

Luke 11:39Then the Lord said to him, "Now then, you Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness. 40You foolish people! Did not the one who made the outside make the inside also?

What is your primary concern in your spiritual appearance?  It's difficult to believe sometimes, but there's not one piece of clothing, not one hairstyle, car, house, or any material thing that impress God.  He's the creator of it all.  He knows were humans, he made us.  But our inside is of utmost importance to Him. Let your entire being be clean, so that whatever part of you is on display, it's found pure.

Well.  I'm here.  I'm tired.  I'm sleepy.  But, I'm here.  I'm assuming you know that I'm referring to my current place of employment! 

My weekend was good.  Friday I was crazy tired.  I don't really know why.  But, Sat. was fun.  We got some paint for the hall.  We picked out a table.  But that was window shopping, and window shopping was fine.  The Bible says that He gives up hope for our future.  That's what I had as we were looking, hope for our future.  We had a meal and headed to the Southern Christmas Show .We didn't buy anything, and that was ok too.  We were just enjoying samples and time together.  Smelling candles is free, and just think of all the calories we burned by twisting those lids off!!  My stent was giving me grief, and I think I went to the restroom 10,000 times!  

Sunday church referenced I John, which is a very inspiring instruction book on living an outgoing Christian life.  Roger talked about boldness before the throne!  To know the will of God and be able to say "I'm ready for it! I want it, You want it.  Let it happen according to Your will."  According to this passage, we can have total and absolute certainty that Jesus Christ lives in us!  Do you have that certainty right now?  If you don't, you can.

I John 3:19-24 This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence 20whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.21Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God 22and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. 23And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. 24Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us

You can know today beyond the shadow of any doubt. 

  http://www.billygraham.org/SH_HowToBecomeAChristian.asp

After the morning service Joel C. asked me if I'd sing Sunday night.  My usual  sickness in the pit of my stomach settled in after I'd said "Sure".  But, I did want to share the song I'd taken to the Write About Jesus seminar.  Nobody threw tomatoes at me or anything, so I'll take that as a good sign.

After the singing, I went to Vision for our lesson.  I was reminded of one of my favorite passages in the Bible in the morning service as I turned my Bible to I John 4:18.

I John4: 17-18God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love.

My prayer this morning for us both is:

God, help us to let love, becuase You are love, have run of our house.

Amen

Well today is my 11 yr. date anniversary.  Don't think I'm all romantic for remembering.  It's the day after Adam's birthday-every year!  I was in the choir and we were having a cook-out or something, I can't remember exactly.  But, I think we were supposed to dress up like a cowboy if I'm remembering correctly.  But, I'd had my eye on that Mark Pasour.  You know it didn't matter how much I  batted my eyes at him-nothing!  So, finally I just called on election night, '96. He was baking Adam cupcakes (in ice-cream cones) for his birthday. We talked for along time.  Neither of us were exactly sure of the other's age.  Ten years we discovered, but eleven years later anyone knows that he acts twenty years younger than me!  They day of the cook-out, it rained it out.  Was that divine intervention or what?!

We went to a movie and had dinner.  We found out our kids were exactly one year apart in age.  That was Nov. 9th '96.  April 26th, '97, we were married.  You know at the time it seemed completely normal.  Now being a bit older, I just wonder how many people were thinking "Are they crazy?".

We're going on an "anniversary date" tomorrow.  The actual day is today, but I knew I'd be so tired by 5:00.  So, we're going to go the Southern Christmas Show tomorrow.  That's right ladies, eat your hearts out-my husband is going to go with me to the Southern Christmas Show!  Now that's love! 

I'm definitely thankful to God for Mark and our marriage.  We have been through alot, and are still going through alot, but I know that God is with us, and it's gonna all work out. 

I'm working on a co-write for a song that's about marriage.  We've been looking at I Corinthians 13 to sort of shape the song.  When I read that I realize love and what most people's ideas of love are, are wrong.  I want to challenge myself to see the truth, and live it.

 The Way of Love

 1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. 3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

   Love never gives up.
   Love cares more for others than for self.
   Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
   Love doesn't strut,
   Doesn't have a swelled head,
   Doesn't force itself on others,
   Isn't always "me first,"
   Doesn't fly off the handle,
   Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
   Doesn't revel when others grovel,
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
   Puts up with anything,
   Trusts God always,
   Always looks for the best,
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end.

 8-10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

 11When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

 12We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

 13But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

Last night when I got home from church, I turned the TV in my room to one of my new favorite channels-Discovery Health.  My favorite channel used to be Food Network, and it's easing back to that, but when you're so sick you can't even think about food, watching a TV channel about food doesn't work.  There are several whole grain cereal, health food commercials that come on this channel.  It came on last night, and I get madder and madder when I see it.  The implication in this commercial is that these employees of this health food company love nature so much that they go surfing and think of cereals to create while they are surfing.  They love nature so much they go to the jungle and ride a zipline that appears to be in the middle of Africa for no reason, so they can inspire themselves to create delicous food that tastes like cardboard.  But I think my favorite one is the guy who goes in the jungle and climbs a tree like the tribesman that lives in the jungle (cause they're such good friends) and picks this mysterious fruit that he's discovered to bring back to America, to put into this company's health food.  GGGRRRRR!!  Do not insult my intelligence health food company and try to tell me that your employees are going to Africa to climb a tree!   

I went downstairs in my anger and stress over seeing this boldface lie on TV, and gathered up handfulls of Chloe's Trunk or Treat candy to take upstairs and calm my nerves.  Guess what was coming on Discovery Health??  That's right, the show on the morbidly obese, as in 500+lb.  So I stuffed my face and stuffed and stuffed and stuffed.  Comforting myself with food.  Knowing it was wrong.  But, I mean those stupid cereal people, it was all their fault, right????

This is one of my specialties in life, I'm very good at it.  I blame others for my faults and hang-ups.  I point fingers, refusing to ever consider the problem is me. 

 Matthew 7:   1-5 "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.

So today, I look in the spiritual truth of my dirty face.  Maybe I can wash it off, and then I'll be able to give the cereal company the spit-bath they deserve. 

Sorry.  I'm dumb, but you know that already!  I forgot to wish Adam happy b-day!  I think as I'm quickly going over memories of Adam and these past 11 years, I just think of how young he and Meagan were when Mark and I married.  It's always been funny when people used to tell me years ago (who didn't know they were step-sibblings) that they favored one another!  It really has always been amazing the bond between him and Meagan. Mark told me that his suite-mates had played a prank on him as a happy birthday, in which while he ws sleeping they decorated his room like a horror movie and woke him up at like 4:00 am and scared him almost to death!!  That's college life, I guess.  I can really tell Adam is maturing.  When he was home last and did so much to help me get ready for my last minute St. Louis trip, it was a more adult Adam, that's for sure. 

I love you Adam.

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