Gigi's Blog

There's Power in Forgiveness

visioncgbc | October 16, 2007 06:11

I was recently inspired by a person who was extrmely forthcoming in a public way about  a very private matter.  The reason this person did this was with the hope he would inspire and influence people who may have the same struggle and problem.  Even though I don't have that same struggle, it inspired me that sometimes when we're honest about our "hang-ups", it let's people around us know they're not alone in struggling.  So as per my usual habit, I'm going to over-share, but it's with purpose and hope that someone who reads this will be inspired.

Since going through everything I have in this past 5 weeks, I've had the opportunity to examine myself closer than I ever have.  I've always prayed that Mark and I would have the best marriage possible.  But, at times it's been far from that (just like everybody else).  We've been through alot, and kids and money are probably the two biggest stresses for any marriage.  I'm one of the most needy and insecure people that you will ever meet.  I have had a very low self image.  When I first returned from my second hospital stay and asked God to perform a miracle in my body, He said "How can I when you don't truly believe that I love you and accept you?  I want you to believe that I totally and completely love you and accept you right now that way you are, before anything will change for you."  In that moment, I got it.  I think for the first time ever maybe.  I have said this before, but I've always wanted constant affirmation from Mark.  I've prayed that we would be best friends, and each other's #1.  The stresses and schedule of life at times have choked out any possible time for each other, and our financial situation has kept us from even being able to have 1 night in a hotel for our 10 yr. anniversary, and I'll confess, I was devestated.  I have prayed regularly for God to change our circumstance.  To change us into the couple that He desires us to be.  For Him to have His perfect will in our life.  In my prayer time last week, God spoke to me very very clearly.  He said "Gina, I won't listen to you prayer, and your past marriage prayers have been unheard, and powerless, becuase of YOU.   You pray for Me to bless your enemies, you forgive a Dr. who hurt you, you make a very good practice of forgiving, but you do not practice forgiveness for the person that you claim you want to be closest to next to Me."  He was right, and it all was put before me at that moment.  I had stored up any offense that I felt Mark had ever committed for my ammunition against him.  I would pull out the necessary bullet size appropriate to defeat any issue that ever came up so that I could be the winner.  I felt ashamed as I understood that I needed to completely change.  I realized that this meant forgiving not only times I'd been asked for, but also those times that I hadn't been.  Times when my feelings were hurt, and when I wasn't understood.  Times when we were unable to go on vacation, or do what the world says are a necessary part of a happy life.  Forgive the things that weren't Mark's fault, but because I wanted to blame somebody other than myself, I blamed him.  For this revelation, it comforts me to know that at least 1 purpose of my physical affliction, has been for my spiritual healing in this matter and I'm thankful.  Am I completely better, and  will this never happen again?  I'm choosing to live 1 day at a time.    But, you all are my new accountability partners in this!!

Matthew 18:21-22At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, "Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?"  22Jesus replied, "Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven

Do you practice forgiving your brother or sister who've offended or wronged you 490 times.  What I want you to realize today is that this "forgiveness thing" is a big deal.  It covers many different areas.  It ranges from a person who hates you, all the way to the people who love you.  It covers it all.  I want out of all bondage that I have control over, and you do too (whether you know it or not).  Ask God to show you today if you've got some unforgiveness that needs to be dealt with.  It will change everything.

God,

I pray for my reader today.  Lord when we are hurt or offended, we feel angry.  Help us in that moment to always remember that You never ever ask us to do anything that you haven't already done and experienced.  Strenthen us in this truth.

In Jesus name,

Amen

Luke 23:34Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

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