Gigi's Blog

Yes. I lost it-again

visioncgbc | July 01, 2008 08:17

“Well, how do I do it?” I ask myself this question quite a bit. If you know me at all you know there are 2 things that get me riled up.

Running out of coffee
Homelessness

Well for whatever reason only my Father in Heaven knows, I went to the Gaston Gazette website yesterday. I don’t visit the site. I did during the Father’s Day online contest when I was voting for Rich, but that’s pretty much the only time. Yesterday, I typed in www.gastongazette.com. I was immediately drawn to a story. It was about a rehab place that is going to be shut down because of the code violations it has. Well I saw the comments section, and clicked. I think part of the problem was I already knew in my mind what I would read and when I did I could feel myself losing it. What caused me to feel I had to comment was when I read that there were choices and options for people who are homeless, and I felt that this person was also criticizing the man who’s running the place as if he has many places he can go to get this house up to code. It reminds me of that German word meaning: tell an untruth; pretend with intent to deceive-BOLOGNA. I believe that this is one of those hot button issues of discord within churches. You have men and women who have worked hard their entire lives, suffered, struggled to put food on their table who say “If a man doesn’t work, he shouldn’t eat.” 2 Thessalonians 3:10. You have men and women who have been taken advantage of and tricked and fooled. I understand all this. My belief though remains. If God tells you, or me to give that person standing there $1.00 and we do, and they go buy a beer, that is between them and God. If God tells you or me to give that person standing there $1.00 and we don’t, that is between us and God. People use scriptures of instruction that God is giving to us to apply to our own lives as a means to justify not helping people.

Matthew 8:20 Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." I wonder what the Sadducees and Pharisees thought of Jesus “homelessness?” We look at these people and think we have the blanket answer as to why everyone of them is homeless. John 9:1As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" 3"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.

Hebrews 13:1 Keep on loving each other as brothers. 2Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. 3Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.

Two reasons I see here for some afflictions.

To display the work of God
To entertain angels

I stopped a long time ago trying to win over people to my opinion on this. But I am still passionate about my belief.

After my online opinion was displayed I’m left thinking “the problem is me.”

Because they don’t care and they won’t do anything, but I do care, and I’m not doing anything. I have struggled with this for years. Feeling called, but unequipt. No money. Not much support. Not much understanding. But I was reminded of the story we’ve all read numerous times of the loaves and fishes. We focus on the fact Jesus provided, but often we miss the point. There were needy and hungry people in their midst and the people God chose to help them didn’t have the means to help them. Sounds like a familiar modern day story of where I find myself. Wanting to do so much, but “with what?” I ask the Creator the universe as if He can’t make a way. What if Jesus would have waited for the scholars of the law to respond to the needs of ordinary people in His day????

I guess I’m so very passionate about the needy, because I’m one of them. A mess up. A person who has been involved in bad things. A person who has made so many mistakes. A person who would be exactly, exactly, where they are had it not been for help given to me, even as recently as Sunday night, when sweet Ashley B. said she wanted to buy Holly B’s cd for me, ‘cause I didn’t have the money. When we got back from M-fuge Nanny Vickie had bought some groceries and put them in our fridge. Mark’s parents, my family in Tx. Some of you. I’m not better, or different than them. I AM them.

Night Hawk

visioncgbc | June 30, 2008 08:59

While we were on our mission trip Chloe jumped yet another hurdle in her level of maturity. She rode the “big rides” at Carowinds. My mom and Aunt Pat took Chloe, Miles, Madison, Rachel and Rebekah, and the older ones encouraged her to ride the big stuff, and she did. Well, the only one she didn’t ride was Night Hawk. I’m not sure if my mom wouldn’t let her, or Chloe was just too scared. Either way, when Chloe called us in Nashville to tell us everything she did ride, we couldn’t believe it

Since we’ve been back she has talked non-stop about showing us she could ride the big rides, and wanted us all to go and ride them. My mom had bought me and Mark a season pass for mother’s day and father’s day, so Saturday we went. We did the water park first. How weird is this, while I was sitting at the edge of the wave pool watching Mark and Chloe, God prompted me to strike up this conversation with a lady? We started talking about stuff, and I had to literally tear myself away after about 20 minutes because we were leaving to go into the park. It was no coincidence, that’s for sure.

We rode what used to be Top Gun; it’s called something else now. But the point is it’s an upside down rollercoaster that Chloe rode with her hands up the entire time. It was starting to cloud up. They’d called for pop-up storms. I told Chloe she needed to make a decision about what ride was most important to her, because it looked like we were running out of time. She said she wanted to ride Night Hawk. I think I was more scared for me to ride it than her! The 3 of us got in the line. It seemed incredibly slow. We realized that for whatever reason only 1 car was running. We soldiered on. We’d been in line about an hour when tiny drops of rain started coming down. Then it happened. Boom-Flash. Thunder-Lightening. We knew what was next. “At this time because of the weather, Carowinds will be closing the rides down.” Chloe is mad. I told her that if we didn’t end up getting to ride it’d be ok ‘cause we had a season’s pass. We decided we’d wait it out and see what happened. The person operating the ride led us in “If you’re happy and you know it” and cracked jokes. She said “Guess what guys, I have some news. Would you like to know?” Well, I didn’t fall for it. I knew she was going to say “I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance.” But by this time Chloe had to go to the restroom, she was starving and nothing was happening, except that we were being rained on. We’d decided we’d wait 5 more minutes, and it was well beyond that. I said “Let’s wait 5 more minutes.” About 4 minutes into the 5 the lady said “Everyone I have an announcement. After 5 test runs, the ride will re-open.” We all screamed, and about 20 minutes later what Chloe had waited and almost had given up on, happened. She rode Night Hawk. We got off and she yelled “That was awesome!!! That was so awesome!!!” She and Mark were doing high 5s, and I was fighting the urge to physically kiss the ground I was so happy to have my feet on.

Last night at church Holly Blanton gave a concert during the evening service. It was such a blessing for me, and everyone who was there. I have to laugh about crying. Holly had told me that some songs might be sort of tough for her emotionally, and I said “Now don’t you cry, ‘cause you know if you cry I’ll cry.” Well forget that. When my tears start I’ve realized there’s no holding back. So one of the songs was really emotional, and afterwards, I looked over at Ashley Black, and was going to say “Boy that’ll make ya cry.” When I looked at her, she was sobbing, and we both grinned. She said “Gina, it’s allergies, OK!” Ya, right. I’ve become closer with Holly over this past year, really even six months. Holly has been through a lot in this past year. We talked a while back and she said that through all this, her toughest year has been one of her best, because she’s grown closer to God. I get it. I so get it. She’s also been at church more. When I say at church, I mean at her local church Chapel Grove. That’s been really a blessing to me, because I sit by her in choir and the notes I don’t get (most of them) I can listen to her!

So I think anyone who knows Holly’s heart, who heard her singing to us last night “You’ll make it. God isn’t gonna leave you.” truly was comforted by her song because it’s from sincerity, from a person we could sense is right there with us. I think Holly was so comfortable last night. She even talked a little, and I know that was hard for her. I think people assume that someone with that powerhouse voice must be very bold and confident in every area of their life. Well, Holly is a very shy person. Most people don’t even know all that she’s been through and is going through, but when the Holy Spirit wants the evidence of His love and power to come through an individual, it does. What I’m trying to say is last night most people weren’t looking at Holly and saying “Poor Holly, she’s been through so much, God is still using her” because they aren’t even aware. Instead they were blessed by her and the Holy Spirit was evident because He wanted to be. You’ve heard the saying “Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.” We don’t have to know every detail about everything in a person’s life for us to be blessed even by a struggle we don’t know the details of.

You know we waited in that line at Carowinds for almost two hours. It looked like it wasn’t gonna happen and we almost walked away. Holly has had major adversity against her gifting which is obviously from God. Might have been tempting to say, “It’s over. I’m gonna walk away.” I can’t make any guarantees about anything. In fact I’m talking to myself more than I’m talking to you right now. There’s a fine line between giving “it” to God and giving up. I don’t know exactly where line is. Maybe you don’t either. My prayer for us today is “just 5 more minutes God. Help us to hold on to what we should hold on to, and let go of what we should let go of.”

Psalm 56:16-17 Going through the motions doesn't please you,
      a flawless performance is nothing to you.
   I learned God-worship
      when my pride was shattered.
   Heart-shattered lives ready for love
      don't for a moment escape God's notice.

OUCH!

visioncgbc | June 27, 2008 11:58

When we were at Meagan’s college orientation a few weeks back I cut my leg shaving. Well, it’s more than I just cut my leg shaving; it’s I took a huge chunk of skin off, the total of about 2 ½ inches. Hard to believe I know. I was so tired and I guess not paying attention. As soon as I did it though, I knew it. It hurt very badly for days. Last week at M-Fuge there were several days when red was sort of making a line around it. You know like it does when it’s infected. I started a sort of regimen consisting mostly of hydrogen peroxide. Megan told me to scrape it and then clean it. EEEWWWW. Nobody could believe I had done it by shaving. It’s finally not raw. Wed. night at church Megan said “Gina, you need to get some scar cream so the scar will go away.” I joked back “Are you kidding me? I’m proud of this thing.”

You know my life is so scarred. Scarred is many ways. Scars in different stages of healing. Some scars are old and sort of toughened back up. Some scars are to a point that they are definitely healing. Some scars just barely have skin on them enough if they get emotionally bumped, they open back up again. But the tendency for so many of us is to make sure that our scars stay well hidden so no one even knows we even have any.

Why do any of us hide our physical scars? Embarrassment. Let’s put it on a personal level-me. I spend quite a lot of time apply loads of make-up. I have always had problems with spells of acne. Finding pants that cover my, well let’s say extra skin, but that I can still breathe in. I cover my gray. I limp sometimes because I have tumors in my left foot; which is the same foot that I broke my heel into my ankle bone. I try so hard to walk without that limp, because it’s humiliating. It’s not that I want to look perfect; it’s that I’m embarrassed when I think a person is focusing on my flaws instead of me as a person.

So a lot of us do the same thing with our emotional scarring. We cover it up with pretend smiles of perfection. We tire ourselves to the point of exhaustion to try to keep the lid on our past. We have selective amnesia about our past because we just want people to see who we are today. What will people think if they knew about…………….???? I think this is wrong. When we allow people to see our scar(s) from the past, and they see that it’s all better now, and that we survived it, it gives them hope. They know that they have a person they can go to for encouragement that really does understand. Maybe you’re scar is still very sensitive. If we allow a person to see that place in us, maybe it would encourage them to take that first step. I’m tired of the game. I’m not playing it anymore. If you want perfection, look at God-not me.

If God wanted us to cover our scars, why were Jesus’ still in His hands??????

John 20:27Then he focused his attention on Thomas. "Take your finger and examine my hands. Take your hand and stick it in my side. Don't be unbelieving. Believe." 28Thomas said, "My Master! My God!"

I am absolutely sure that I'm going to fall

visioncgbc | June 25, 2008 08:12

This was Chloe’s response as we tried for the second day at her attempt to learn to bike ride. I take a huge amount of responsibility for the fact the she hasn’t been able to ride a bike. One of the problems is my extreme level of anxiety that I’ve always had about really everything. Anytime my kids get hurt I have a nervous breakdown. So my answer has always been just don’t put yourself in that position and then it won’t happen. The problem with that is I’m sheltering them from the hurt that’s a necessary part of learning. I can see this now as our older children enter into adulthood; that protecting them from everything leaves them unable to handle much of anything. I want to cling to the truths that what I’ve tried to do that is right and godly will overrule the rest.

We started trying to teach her on Monday night and it went very badly. So, last night Mark had to go cut grass for someone and I decided maybe we’d try again. Just me and her-goodness what a team (and I am kidding). I am not an outsider. I’m afraid of my kids getting hurt. Chloe is horrified of getting hurt, as well as embarrassed by the fact she is well beyond the age that we should have taught her to ride a bike. So, I ask her, “Would you like to try again to ride your bike?” She tears up. I know she’s scared out of her mind. You see Chloe is very smart and reverse psychology doesn’t work with her, and she is a realist and very practical. So sometimes when she hits me with solid facts- I don’t have a good comeback for her. We headed upstairs and started getting ready and she continues to fight back tears. We get to the bottom of the stairs and pray. She buries her head in my side as I ask God to help us both. We get outside and she says “I am absolutely sure that I’m going to fall.” I try to encourage her. We try for a bit with me holding onto the back of the seat, and she wobbled. Finally I said “Chloe, I think the problem is me holding onto you. You know what to do if you fall. Why don’t you try it on your own?” So I did what seemed wrong. I let her go. I gave her the chance to fall. I saw her horrified look as I challenged her this way. She put her feet up on the peddles and the entire time said she was scared. The first time she couldn’t do it, and in fact several times she couldn’t do it. Each time I prayed “God help her.” And then…………………. SHE DID IT! If you could have seen the look on her face, on my face, when we realized that she had done it. We both screamed. Her whole persona changed. We practiced over and over just going up and down the driveway. I told her we’d practice turning maybe today, and that I believe within no time, she’ll be a pro. She was elated and couldn’t wait for Mark to get home. To see my child go from complete fear and doubt into hope and belief is something I’ll never forget.

You know I’ve wanted this for her for so long. I have felt so, so, so guilty for my part in Chloe’s problems as far as learning to do things like this, that my temptation was and is to say “Chloe just do it!! Grow up!! Stop being scared of everything!!” so that the focus would be on her and not on my shortcomings as her momma. But the fact is we are where we are and I’ve made the mistakes I’ve made, and we must live in today. I can’t change the past, and to live in tomorrow is a huge mistake. So the reality is that all I can do is be patient and wait as she decides “OK. Today I will learn to ride a bike. I will sing on stage. I will learn to swim. I will……………………………”

Do you find yourself in this same place today; a person, a loved one, a friend who you so much want to be what you believe they should be? Do the things that you know are right for them? I do. It’s so hard. I believe the reality is that God through the Holy Spirit and death of His son are solely responsible for every good thing and positive and right change that happens in an individual. God promises that when we search for Him, we find Him. When we want to know His will for our lives, He says He’ll show us. Often He does work through us to inspire change in a person, but not in the ways that I often think. It’s not in spiritual arrogance, it’s not in a bossy attitude, and it’s not in a threatening way. It’s in a quiet, humble life devoted to love God supremely. Just like Chloe’s bike riding, sometimes we must let go and decide to love them no matter what happens and trust God to do the rest. You see we say to them “You must have trust in God, don’t you have faith in the almighty God?!” But when they see us give up on them, and act ungodly, what does that say about our faith?”

My instinct with Chloe and her bike was to say “Chloe, people are gonna make fun of you. You should be further along than this. You need to do this.” I predict that if I would have done that, that bike wouldn’t have been used last night. The things that come natural aren’t always that right things. What I think will motivate change usually doesn’t. Patience comes at a price, but I believe it’s worth it in the end. The price-people’s opinion of you, giving up your own interest to put others first, hurt that is sometimes extreme. When I’m tempted to say “It’s just too much. I can’t do it.” I’m reminded that God paid that very price for Gina while she was worse than any person she ever hopes to influence to change.

1 Corinthians 4

1-4Don't imagine us leaders to be something we aren't. We are servants of Christ, not his masters. We are guides into God's most sublime secrets, not security guards posted to protect them. The requirements for a good guide are reliability and accurate knowledge. It matters very little to me what you think of me, even less where I rank in popular opinion. I don't even rank myself. Comparisons in these matters are pointless. I'm not aware of anything that would disqualify me from being a good guide for you, but that doesn't mean much. The Master makes that judgment.

5So don't get ahead of the Master and jump to conclusions with your judgments before all the evidence is in. When he comes, he will bring out in the open and place in evidence all kinds of things we never even dreamed of—inner motives and purposes and prayers. Only then will any one of us get to hear the "Well done!" of God.

6All I'm doing right now, friends, is showing how these things pertain to Apollos and me so that you will learn restraint and not rush into making judgments without knowing all the facts. It's important to look at things from God's point of view. I would rather not see you inflating or deflating reputations based on mere hearsay.

7-8For who do you know that really knows you, knows your heart? And even if they did, is there anything they would discover in you that you could take credit for? Isn't everything you have and everything you are sheer gifts from God? So what's the point of all this comparing and competing? You already have all you need. You already have more access to God than you can handle. Without bringing either Apollos or me into it, you're sitting on top of the world—at least God's world—and we're right there, sitting alongside you!

9-13It seems to me that God has put us who bear his Message on stage in a theater in which no one wants to buy a ticket. We're something everyone stands around and stares at, like an accident in the street. We're the Messiah's misfits. You might be sure of yourselves, but we live in the midst of frailties and uncertainties. You might be well-thought-of by others, but we're mostly kicked around. Much of the time we don't have enough to eat, we wear patched and threadbare clothes, we get doors slammed in our faces, and we pick up odd jobs anywhere we can to eke out a living. When they call us names, we say, "God bless you." When they spread rumors about us, we put in a good word for them. We're treated like garbage, potato peelings from the culture's kitchen. And it's not getting any better.

14-16I'm not writing all this as a neighborhood scold just to make you feel rotten. I'm writing as a father to you, my children. I love you and want you to grow up well, not spoiled. There are a lot of people around who can't wait to tell you what you've done wrong, but there aren't many fathers willing to take the time and effort to help you grow up. It was as Jesus helped me proclaim God's Message to you that I became your father. I'm not, you know, asking you to do anything I'm not already doing myself.

17This is why I sent Timothy to you earlier. He is also my dear son, and true to the Master. He will refresh your memory on the instructions I regularly give all the churches on the way of Christ.

18-20I know there are some among you who are so full of themselves they never listen to anyone, let alone me. They don't think I'll ever show up in person. But I'll be there sooner than you think, God willing, and then we'll see if they're full of anything but hot air. God's Way is not a matter of mere talk; it's an empowered life.

21So how should I prepare to come to you? As a severe disciplinarian who makes you toe the mark? Or as a good friend and counselor who wants to share heart-to-heart with you? You decide.

M-fuge

visioncgbc | June 23, 2008 12:42

How in the world to fit all this into anything less than a small book I’m not sure, but I’ll try. First off I want to say “I’m sorry” because I haven’t blogged in a long time. No time at camp, and the days leading up I just couldn’t think very well.

One week ago we weren’t even there yet. It’s hard to believe how quickly it went by. When we got there, it was literally crazy as we drove up. They were screaming. We were screaming. They actually had a banner for us to drive through.

Several funny events occurred. One of which being the girls dorms had five flights of stairs-with no elevators. Also, you have five choices of the groups you want to minister to. You choose three. They try very hard to put you in the first, but sometimes it’s the second. I prayed “Lord, wherever is best for You, is best for me, Amen, from your oh-so-humble servant Gina.” Well, I was under the assumption that His best would not be the group Games and Rec. I didn’t even put that on my list of the top three!! I walked out to my group leader and said “Did you say Games and Rec.” She confirmed that yes; I was in Games and Rec, even though I didn’t choose that at all. Megan Blanton, me and Holly were all in the group, but Holly wasn’t with me and Megan. Neither of us put that on our choices. I said “Ok Lord, you must have something real good in store here!” Of course, he did.

The camp pastor was Moses Caesar, and he is quite a character! www.mosesbook.com

He’s truly a modern day Paul.

The camp director was Jana Spooner. She and her husband Michael led worship, and it was truly worship.

The food was good, but I did encounter a grumpy pizza man. There was another lady though who was very nice and hugged me when I told her I’d be leaving. I took my own coffee pot, so that wasn’t an issue.

The Bible studies were based on Matthew 13. We had times together in the morning as a group, as well as study time with the adults and then evening time together, and then time for our individual youth group. During our time with the group in the evening, we had a lesson taught by different people. I’m a proud momma bragging here, so please indulge me. The night Meagan taught, it was one of the most moving things I’ve ever been a part of in my life. Some people were literally laying face down on the floor, and pretty much every person in the room was crying, and most were sobbing. Her lesson was on forgiveness, and it was huge. It was. We almost missed that night’s event when the group came back together as a whole, but nobody cared. OK, bragging over for now. Thank you.

I could tell you a million stories, but I won’t. I’ll share one. There was a girl that was 9 at the community center we ministered to. We went outside and sat underneath the playground equipment. She was fixing my hair. They all wanted to fix our hair. She asked me if I sang, and I told her I like to write songs. A little later she said “I write songs too. But they make me cry.” I said “Oh. That’s good. That means you really understand the song. That’s a good sign.” A little later I told her to sing something. She opened her mouth and sang “Wind Beneath my Wings.” All adults around had their jaws drop. I said “You are obviously trained.” She told me that one of the community centers offered voice, and that she took it. But her talent goes deeper than her training. It was almost in her soul. We clapped, and again she fixed my hair. She had a beautiful smile. She said “My Daddy used to have girlfriends. Some of them were mean and some weren’t. But most were. Then Daddy started drinking.” She went on to tell me she has been abused in the worst possible way for about a year and that her father told her if she told he’d hurt her mom. She didn’t for a year, and when she finally did, her mom didn’t believe her for almost two weeks. “Daddy’s in jail now. I love my Daddy. That’s the songs I was telling you about me writing that make me cry.” As we left that day I thought “What in the world can I possibly say to this girl?” I told her that God had a special plan for her life, and that I’d pray for her, and begged her not to settle for something less than what God had planned. We left.

Holly asked last night during our share time what we were taking away. For me one of the things is the excitement about Heaven. You see when we serve God on Earth there are always distractions. Drama, money, lack of sleep, temptation, fear, sickness, selfishness, and on and on and on. In Heaven we will serve God in whatever way best suits His will. I can’t even imagine how wonderful it will be to serve God the way that He wants and we want, with absolutely no distractions. How exciting.

Proverbs 21:30

There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord.

Shout out to my former roommates-Holly, Megan and Lori!!

And shout out to my track leader Ashley B!

What will people think?

visioncgbc | June 12, 2008 13:00

I’m a bit nervous. Next week while we are at M-Fuge, my mother will have to be completely responsible for Chloe for her recital. This is NOT a simple task for so many reasons, one of the many being hair and make-up. I was a girly-girl and wanted to wear make-up when I was about two years old. Chloe isn’t real into wearing bright red lipstick. There’s a bit of a generation gap that will be going on next week. My mom remembers “putting my face on” for recitals 31 years ago. Bright red lipstick, made up almost like a clown. Well, I’ve seen different levels of make-up going on at recitals in the 2000s. Chloe prefers a somewhat natural make-up look. So, I’m not sure what will happen next week. Let’s just both pray that it will go good, k?

But Chloe has always had strong opinion about her clothes and hair-even if (in my opinion) they were wrong. I try to live by the motto “pick your battles” when it comes to Chloe, but quite often I find myself insisting that she simply must not wear her hair “that way.” The truth is when she looks what I consider unacceptable is that it will reflect on me as a parent. So I will risk literally crushing her spirit as long as my reputation as “the acceptable mommy” is protected. How many times have said or heard “What will people think?” The truth is we should care what God thinks, but I have allowed “What will people think?” to override what God thinks many times.

Are you living your spiritual life this way? Let me tell you what I mean. If you have a friend, who is a Christian, but they are involved in something considered wrong by a part, or maybe even most of today’s church, what do you do? My tendency is to distance myself from a person if I feel that someone in my church might mistakenly think I approve of their behavior. Heaven forbid!!!

Let me share with you what the Bible a.k.a. The Word of the Living God says about all this:

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%2014-15;&version=65;

If I, if you, lived our lives according to this scripture, we would see our individual lives as well as our church explode in the grace of Christ. But, this scripture was written 2000 or so years ago, so this is not a new concept. I suppose that there will continue to be those who decide that the Kingdom of God is mostly about rules of regulations. What a shame. But, I’m refreshed and encouraged as I realize it’s not only ok with God for me to continue to be friends with my fellow brother who may have different beliefs in acceptable and unacceptable, it’s an instruction. How freeing! The Christian life isn’t about what you can’t do because you’re a Believer; it’s about what you can do- because you’re a Believer.

Friday,Saturday,Sunday,Monday,Tuesday

visioncgbc | June 11, 2008 10:24

This is highly unfair to you. I’m going to go back since Friday. These past few weeks have been so stressful that I didn’t even want to acknowledge how jam packed they were, for fear I’d become discouraged. Well, more discouraged. Now that it’s over I can tell you about it.

Friday-After work, we went to the funeral home because my uncle’s mom passed away. While at the funeral home, we decided to hang out with Holly and Richard at our house. They stayed until about 11:00, I think. We talked about lots of things, some deep, some not. Holly and Mark played Wii. Well, Richard and I played too, but it was clear who was competitive and had a real chance at winning, and who did not. (You figure the rest) Adam came home so he’d see his “sista” graduate.

Saturday-I must give this day numbers, or maybe bullets as to not confuse you, because this day had so much.

Graduation

Meagan graduated at 9:00. I was a bit surprised because one second hearing the music and seeing them, I started crying. When she walked across to receive her diploma, I had to give Mark the camera because I was shaking so much. My mom was so hot she took off her layering shirt, and exposed her sleeveless arms, which made me laugh. In our family, once we hit 30, we always keep our sleeveless arms under wraps. Meagan took pictures with her family and her friends for a long time. We went to On the Border to eat. I love “Guacamole Live.” Next time you go, get that.

Party

Before the graduation Chloe said “I wish I could go to Sydnee’s Party.” I said “What party? You weren’t invited.” “Yes I was.” She gave me the invitation, which said “RSVP by 06/06/08” (the day before). But, you know how we mom’s are, I said “OK, let me call and see if I can work it out.” Her mom said Chloe could still come. So, after we ate, we rushed home, Mark made her a card on the computer, and wrote a check because we had no time. This really bothered Mark because of the insincerity involved in writing a check to a 9 yr. old. But, I explained to her mom, and she understood.

Funeral

I went to my uncle’s mom’s funeral. It was at 3:00. I was home at I think 5:00.

I didn’t get anything accomplished after that even though I knew I needed too.

Sunday must have numbering as well

Morning service.

I taught SS, and then Greg B. filled in for Roger. Such a powerful passage that he taught on. A certain verse spoke to me BIG TIME. I may bring that out in a day or two in a blog.

Packing

After the morning service I had to pack for me and Chloe for 2 ½ days. This wasn’t such a big deal, yet it was. I packed her enough stuff to move in with my mother for a year. What’s my problem? I ended up throwing my stuff in very unorganized. (I must not do this for M-fuge!)

Kyle Matthews

This is a person that deserves an entire blog, and he will get one in the next day or two. But anyway, Kyle was to be at the church at 4:30, so I wanted to be there when he arrived, and I didn’t want to leave until he left. The concert was so wonderful, and Kyle is so genuine, so approachable. He leads many creativity workshops at colleges and churches all over the country, but many in our area, and I’m really hoping he can come back to Chapel Grove.

Driving to UNCG

After Kyle left, I think at around 8:00ish, we left for Meagan’s college orientation at UNCG. We stopped at Jack-in-the-Box for a quick bite and headed off. Adam didn’t leave as he’d originally planned in the day so that he and Meagan could ride together until we took our exit. We got a little lost, but Mark found our hotel. It was about 11:00. We were dead tired by this stage in the weekend.

Monday-Tuesday was college orientation at UNCG. I am so glad that we went when we did. This was the first session. This was the beginning of the summer, so Meagan now can look forward to school, instead of dreading the unknown if we’d waited until the latter part of the summer. It’s kind of funny, when we started looking at dates to go I said “We can go any date, except June 9^th and 10^th” because I knew Kyle would be at the church the 8^th and it would just be too hard. Meagan said “Oh, that’s when my friend is going, and so I thought we could go the 9^th and the 10^th.” As soon as she said that’s when people would be there that we knew, I said “Oh, absolutely, it’ll be fine.” Mark and I like the school a lot, and I think Meagan does too. Funny how 17,000 students is considered a small school, but it is. When people say school is a fortune, that is a true statement. At Chapel Hill you sort of group everything in a lump bill, and they send it to you to be paid by at a certain date. With Greensboro, the laptop(don’t even ask), and parking ( $285.00) plus books (probably $400 or so) must be paid separate. She’ll also need a micro-fridge. But I’m praying now for later. See what most of us do is say “There’s nothing left to do but pray. All I can do now is pray.” People, praying should be the first thing we do. We missed field day at Chloe’s school as well as awards, but my mom took her and Mark’s dad when to one, and his mom the other. My mom fainted Monday from the heat, and it sounds like quite an ordeal occurred, but she’s ok. I’d like for her to be checked by a Dr. Tuesday Chloe won several awards. She won the AR award for reading and we’re very proud of her. She and Meagan both take after Nanny Vickie about reading. Well, I take that back, Chloe said she doesn’t like to read-she just wanted the trophy. Meagan is considering English as her major, and I believe she’d do very well. She joined some book thing yesterday, and they gave her a book. By the time we got home, she’d read about 130 pages.

So now, I’m praying and preparing for M-fuge. We leave early Monday morning. Mission trips are so great because for that time period your primary focus is drawing closer to Christ through service to others. I’m praying that people’s lives will be changed.

Gotta go now, it’s 1:30 in the afternoon, and I think I’ll take a nap. Yes. I’m at work.

Back to the Future

visioncgbc | June 03, 2008 12:02

Remember the movie Back to the Future? I'm really only talking about the original, I don't even remember seeing the others. In the movie the Marty McFly's family are blue collar workers struggling to make ends meet, under the oppression of Biff the owner of the company Daddy McFly works for. Marty travels back in time with a time machine and changes his future.

Well, I'm gonna go back in time a few days. Holly told about our weekend together, so I guess I can talk about it too. I don't like to share too much about private matters of others without getting there ok, unless it's Mark, then I don't care. Now you know I'm kidding about that last comment!! Or am I???????????????? Anywho, Holly and a group of girls stayed with her Friday night. The reason that we stayed wasn't good, but we had a good time. Why does it so often take a situation like crisis to bring us closer? Why did it take Holly being home alone with her daughters because Richard is staying at Janice's (who is dying) for us to say "let's have a sleepover?” But we had a fun night. Nothing too heavy, nothing very intellectual going on. Just eating, laughing, being silly and cramming into the smallest room to sleep. Every time I'd say "I'm tired, I've got to go to bed." (Which I think started at about 9:30) everybody would scream "Gina, no!" I think about 3+ hr. later we moved into the red room. We fell asleep about 2:30, and I'm not quite sure when Chloe and Rebekah fell asleep. They were still laughing out loud at 2:30. Rachel and Ali conked out the earliest. Rachel is 6, but Ali is 16. Go figure. The next morning Holly and Rich were making plans to go to Chuck-E-Cheese and Chloe begged to go. So, I said "OK." We went home, cleaned up and headed out. The fact that I could even function is amazing, but I was fine. Chloe and I were on I-85 heading towards C.E.C and an 18 wheeler came into out lane and we had to go into the very small shoulder, and I know what almost happened. I tried to remain calm, but shook for a while. So I want to publicly praise God for protecting us. Holly and I just talked and the kids played and played. We went to the pet store and toy store and then to Janice’s. I had wanted to visit, but decided not to until she was ok with it.

When I got there and went in her room I wasn't sure what to expect. A week before, Janice was in the hospital and it appeared she wouldn't leave the hospital. But when I walked in she looked very good, and I was almost confused. She looked so calm. She looked so much better than she had in so long. We chatted for a while and then Holly came in and suggested I sit down, so I did. Janice and I didn't do too much mindless chatter. We talked about her, in detail. This is what she told me.

"Gina I know that God rescued me from the jaws of death. The night that I was dying, I asked God to let me come back long enough to thank Dr. Murphy for all he had done for me. The next morning when I woke up I told Dr. Murphy what I'd asked God. Dr. Murphy said 'Janice are you ready to meet Jesus? I said yes. He said it again like he really wanted me to be sure. I said 'YES! I'm ready.' 'OK. Can we call hospice in.?' I told him yes. I'm gonna do this the right way this time. Gina this is not a bad thing. Gina this is a good thing. I've been thinking about this Gina. You know all the things down here that I've wanted to do, like run in a meadow, walk through a field and pick flowers, and play with animals, Gina I think in heaven God might allow me to do these things! You know I've felt so much love. The love of Jesus, the love of all the people visiting. My grandkids are here with me. Psalm 23 says death is a shadow, Jesus has conquered death. Gina don't forget my story. Tell my story."

Oh my darling lady, you will not be forgotten by any person who's encountered you. This story has so many layers and is deeper than many know. If Janice would've died in the hospital, there wouldn't have been any closure for her family, her grandkids. She made peace with one of her sons that had chosen to not be in her life for a while. She told him, "Son, we don't need to worry about rebuilding. We need to love each other from today on. I love you and I know you love me." Do you realize the gift that woman gave her son? He would have lived with guilt probably the rest of his life. But she released him from that. I told Janice she looked so good. More peaceful than I had seen her in years. "I've fought for too long Gina." My goodness how wonderful God is. He has allowed this situation to become all about Him. The Bible says that in heaven the first will be last and the last will be first. In this life Janice has been last. I believe the Bible. So, in heaven Janice will no longer be the struggling mom, and the sick grandmother, she’ll be first.

So my back to the future isn't quite Marty McFly's. I'm choosing to remember Janice, and hoping that her memory will influence my future. I've seen the transformation of a person not because of a change in her circumstance, but because of a change in her trust. What would happen to me, what would happen to you if we trusted God 100%? Would our facial expressions change? Would our anxieties disappear? Would our peace return? We will never know if we don't try.

One last thing. Rebekah wrote an article in the Gaston Gazette. Well actually it's an entry for her Dad to be named "Dad of the Year." In it, she talks about everything that Richard is doing for Janice. I’m gonna post Holly’s email telling how we can all vote for her. Thx.

“Hey everyone! Rebekah wanted to enter Richard in the world's greatest dad contest on the gazette website. So we did it, and it’s kinda late in the game, but I couldn't tell her no. Go to www.gastongazette.com and click on the world's greatest dad page (front page) and go to the second page and read her sweet lil story and vote for Richard:) Thanks Holly:”

Psalm 23

A David Psalm

1-3 God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.
   You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
      you find me quiet pools to drink from.
   True to your word,
      you let me catch my breath
      and send me in the right direction.

4 Even when the way goes through
      Death Valley,
   I'm not afraid
      when you walk at my side.
   Your trusty shepherd's crook
      makes me feel secure.

5 You serve me a six-course dinner
      right in front of my enemies.
   You revive my drooping head;
      my cup brims with blessing.

6 Your beauty and love chase after me
      every day of my life.
   I'm back home in the house of God
      for the rest of my life.

Wait a minute, I thought this was for me!!

visioncgbc | June 02, 2008 12:19

The weekend was really, really good. Staying up late, being silly and laughing. Eating way, way too much. Visiting Goudy (which I plan to talk in depth about over the next day or two. Sunday, started off a bit bad. Let me explain. Mark used to leave me every Sunday. He likes to be at church no later than 9:30, which is five minutes before I usually leave. I've really tried to do better, and he's really tried to be more patient. Yesterday he had to be there to take the grill for the cook-out, so he and Chloe left and I didn't have that normal sense of "I gotta hurry, I gotta hurry." Plus, Chloe was going home with Nanny Vickie because Mark and I had to be back at church at 2:00, which meant even though Chloe said she didn't need a change of clothes, if I didn't have the "just in case" change of clothes, Nanny Vickie wouldn't like it. So, I sped to church and arrived at 9:50. I ran up the stairs as fast as I could, turned the corner trying to avoid all eye contact with people, then BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The eyes of our ever so punctual pastor staring at me! My heart starts pounding! It's hilarious. I know he loved every minute of it! But, after that, it was all good.

Sunday morning the graduates were recognized. Meagan cried, but tried to remain composed. The group of ladies sang the song that we sang for the Sonflowers in Bloom program. We were sitting in the choir loft while the graduates were recognized. I could only glance at Meagan, because I didn't want to lose it, and I was very close. We sang and when we were through singing, I was putting my mic in the chair and nobody else was. I realized shortly after that the "Sonflowers in Bloom Praise Team" was going to help lead worship! I'm so teasing, about our name, but we did stay up there, and it awesome, but not because we were up there, because God was in the house! The only problem with the entire thing, is sometimes I sort of get in my own little world. What I mean is, I'm not very good with interacting with others on stage. Like if the group sort of pulls in together in a circle, I will often be to the side with my eyes closed, unaware that the circle has a gaping hole. But again, The Spirit was so there, and it was good. Sunday morning was on the commandment "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you." Exodus 20:12 Oh, this was gonna be so good. This was where Roger was going to tell my kids to clean their rooms! Well, he definitely instructed my children on godly obedience, but I was shocked to learn that this doesn't end at 18 yr. of age! I tell you the entire service was strong. People were doing business.

We rushed home and rushed back a lil' after the time were supposed to be back at 2:00. Go ahead Roger, I hear ya laughing. Sunday night was the youth-led service as well as parent meeting beforehand and a cookout that Vision was to cook serve and clean up. It was a little bit crazy. I was sort of going round in circles. Ashley Black and I were doing the skit we did at Sonflowers, so we needed time to practice. Well, for a long time the only two there were me and Ashley. But, right on time, people started filtering in and they made it happen, and allowed Ash and I time to get those weird headpieces mics on. Oh I have to share this; it will shock you to know that I, in the 95 degree heat made a thermos of coffee and took it with me. People were saying "What?! Do you have coffee?!" But, Holly wanted a cup and when Jill saw that I had some, I saw her eyes light up. I offered, and she accepted. I love understanding and being understood! The service was great. Ya, I'm a little partial 'cause some of my favorite people were involved. Meagan spoke, and it was powerful. She spoke from her heart. She exposed wounds that are healing, healing in a spiritual way, not a bitter one. I want Meagan to know that she has every bit of my ok to be honest about her life. It's so exhausting to keep up that "How are you?" "Fine. How are you?" "Fine" game. She has my blessing to never do that. I'm not saying struggles are gone for Meagan, and she wasn't saying that either. She's saying that I'm struggling, but God is with me. The Focus band led us and it was so genuine. Oscar, Derrick, and Spencer also spoke, and then Richard. He was awesome. He talked about the legacy that we as adults, as parents, grandparents, mentors, and teachers are leaving on these children. A legacy of______________________?? You are filling in the blank. Whether you know it or not. Whether you want to or not, you are.

So, after the two services my realization of the day changed. I thought it was going to be about the benefit of me. How my kids should do things for me. But after my heart listened, I changed my perception of the message God wanted me to hear. What can I do to guide my children to Christ? It is my responsibility. I heard Roger say that your home life impacts your church life. Many people have this very mixed up. We put the rearing of our children in the hands of the church and youth leaders and Sunday school teachers, and that's not right. I believe you can not expect your children to live any higher than the standard you are willing to set. It's not about the past, it's about today. I also learned that "Honor the Father and thy Mother, until you are 18" is not in any translation of the Bible.

MMMMMM.................................

Is she ok?

visioncgbc | May 30, 2008 06:57

Last night I went to church and sort of hung out with the youth leaders and the few youth who will be speaking and singing Sunday evening at the youth-led service. When Holly asked me if I was going to come I decided pretty quickly that I would. I am trying to embrace the fact that I feel most fulfilled when I am doing ministry related and church things and being around people who share a passion for Christ. If I would stayed at home, I would have piddled around and gotten nothing accomplished and felt very bummed about it. Instead I was at church talking and laughing, and helping stuff envelopes. Chloe got to play with Rachel, Rebekah and Luke and had a blast. I know Richard was glad to be back in church, even though it wasn't on Sun. or Wed. night. He's drained. Their entire family is. I just could tell he was glad to be there. We got home at around 9:30. Chloe's had a lil' allergy stuffiness this week. So, after playing outside last night she was pretty stuffed up when we got home. We gave her some allergy medication and she went to bed. She sleep walks sometimes. I'm thinking it's when she takes this kind of medicine that it usually happens, but it may be at other times too. I had just really started drifting off to sleep at about 11:30 when I hear some loud noise, and couldn't figure out if it was Meagan or what. All of a sudden the door flies open and Chloe comes in. I set up in bed, "Chloe what's wrong?" Silence. "Chloe what's wrong?" Silence. "Chloe!" She starts talking so quietly you can't hear her, and what you can hear makes no sense. She says something about it being too dark and she can't see. Turns out she had picked up her clothes for school and was going to put them on. Mark realized what was going on and said "C'mon let's get back in bed and talk about it." He walks her to her room and is back in ours in I think about a minute. I asked him if he thought she was ok. He said yes. In my mind I felt like she wasn't, but somehow within I think 10 seconds, I was back asleep. Thank the Lord she actually was ok, and I laughed when she got up today and didn't remember one bit of what happened last night. Mark's sister Debbie used to sleep walk. One time she cut up my in-laws curtains with scissors, while sleeping! They had to put a cow-bell on her door.

Thank goodness that me ignoring my gut feeling didn't turn out to be a disaster, 'cause it certainly could have.

This is place of the world. Much of the world I should say. Knowing something isn't right, but 10 seconds later saying " Casarasara. Whatever will be will be."

Isaiah 22

A Country of Cowards

1-3 A Message concerning the Valley of Vision:

   What's going on here anyway?
   All this partying and noisemaking,
Shouting and cheering in the streets,
   the city noisy with celebrations!
You have no brave soldiers to honor,
   no combat heroes to be proud of.
Your leaders were all cowards,
   captured without even lifting a sword,
A country of cowards
   captured escaping the battle.

You Looked, but You Never Looked to Him

4-8In the midst of the shouting, I said, "Let me alone.
   Let me grieve by myself.
Don't tell me it's going to be all right.
   These people are doomed. It's not all right."
For the Master, God-of-the-Angel-Armies,
   is bringing a day noisy with mobs of people,
Jostling and stampeding in the Valley of Vision,
   knocking down walls
   and hollering to the mountains, "Attack! Attack!"
Old enemies Elam and Kir arrive armed to the teeth—
   weapons and chariots and cavalry.
Your fine valleys are noisy with war,
   chariots and cavalry charging this way and that.
   God has left Judah exposed and defenseless.

8-11You assessed your defenses that Day, inspected your arsenal of weapons in the Forest Armory. You found the weak places in the city walls that needed repair. You secured the water supply at the Lower Pool. You took an inventory of the houses in Jerusalem and tore down some to get bricks to fortify the city wall. You built a large cistern to ensure plenty of water.

You looked and looked and looked, but you never looked to him who gave you this city, never once consulted the One who has long had plans for this city.

12-13The Master, God-of-the-Angel-Armies,
   called out on that Day,
Called for a day of repentant tears,
   called you to dress in somber clothes of mourning.
But what do you do? You throw a party!
   Eating and drinking and dancing in the streets!
You barbecue bulls and sheep, and throw a huge feast—
   slabs of meat, kegs of beer.
"Seize the day! Eat and drink!
   Tomorrow we die!"

14God-of-the-Angel-Armies whispered to me his verdict on this frivolity: "You'll pay for this outrage until the day you die." The Master, God-of-the-Angel-Armies, says so.

"4-8In the midst of the shouting, I said, "Let me alone.
Let me grieve by myself.
Don't tell me it's going to be all right.
These people are doomed. It's not all right." "

I love his passion when he says "No, this is not ok, these people are doomed."

The comfortable modern day pew-filler says, "Oh, it'll work out. They'll come eventually. Casarasara" The person who sees the truth says "Don't tell me it's all right, these people are lost! We have to do something!" I think the passion for the last group I described may come across to the first group I described as fanatic or sometimes even anti-social. Because when you're passion is for winning the lost, it's tough sometimes to think about anything but that. Because again we/they see it for what it is "It's not ok, these people are doomed. It's not all right."

Romans 10:14-15But how can people call for help if they don't know who to trust? And how can they know who to trust if they haven't heard of the One who can be trusted? And how can they hear if nobody tells them? And how is anyone going to tell them, unless someone is sent to do it? That's why Scripture exclaims,

   A sight to take your breath away!
   Grand processions of people
      telling all the good things of God!

I pray that uppermost in my thinking will be the truth of what it means this means: "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" Equally I pray to be confronted with the truth of what this means:

Revelation 20

The Dead Are Judged

11Then I saw a great white throne and him who was seated on it. Earth and sky fled from his presence, and there was no place for them. 12And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books. 13The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what he had done. 14Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. The lake of fire is the second death. 15If anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire.